blonde high heeled feminist (notashamed) wrote in sntranscripts,

Season 2: Episode 15: Celebrities

News Room/Various Hallways
DAN: (patting stomach) This is Yehudi Menuhin.
CASEY: What?
DAN: When I pat my stomach like this, this is Yehudi Menuhin.
CASEY: Right. And what is that?
DAN: It's a signal.
CASEY: We need a signal for Yehudi Menuhin?
DAN: You're gonna be amazed at how many times it's gonna come up.
CASEY: Yeah, I think I will be.
DAN: I chose you for my team, Casey.
CASEY: Yes.
DAN: I picked you. I picked you first.
CASEY: Yeah, I appreciate that.
DAN: Teamwork.
CASEY: Yes.
DAN: And a brotherly thing.
CASEY: Hey, I won't let you down.
DAN: What's the signal?
CASEY: Patting your stomach.
DAN: What's the signal for?
CASEY: Hmm. Uh...
DAN: Yehudi Menuhin.
CASEY: Well, look, maybe if you made a little playbook or something like that--
DAN: I did make a playbook, ok, pal? I did.


CASEY: Ok, ok, ok, ok.
DAN: Now, I-- I could have picked Dave first. You know that, right?
CASEY: Yeah, I know.
DAN: I won the coin toss. I had first pick.
CASEY: What, you're saying that Dave's better than I am?
DAN: Did I say that?
CASEY: You said you could have picked him first.
DAN: To demonstrate my confidence in you is all, ok? I-- I had won the coin toss, I had first pick, and I picked you. Natalie picked Dave.
CASEY: Yeah, who else?
DAN: Who else is on her team?
CASEY: Yeah.
DAN: Uh, Dana, Elliot and Will.
CASEY: And we're who? Who are we?
DAN: We're Chris, Kim, Isaac, me and you.
CASEY: Well, we got a shot.
DAN: We got a really good shot and I've got total confidence in you. Now, what's the signal for Yehudi Menuhin?
CASEY: Uh, I extend my forearm and grab my wrist like so.
DAN: No, that's offensive holding.
CASEY: Oh, that doesn't come up in this game?

Studio/Control Room
(continued...)
DAN: Oh! Natalie, I'll trade you Casey for Dave, straight up.
NATALIE: Sorry, Dan, but you lost the coin toss.
CASEY: Hey, I thought you won the coin toss.
DAN: I didn't win it outright, Casey, I came in second.
NATALIE: You're going down tonight, Dartmouth.
DAN: Good, she's talking trash now.

ELLIOT: Three minutes live.
NATALIE: Dana?
DANA: Yes?
NATALIE: Outside a second?
DANA: Yeah. What's my drop-dead time on Milwaukee?
CHRIS: 22 past the hour.
DANA: Make sure somebody knows that. Thank you.

Natalie and Dana leave the control room and talk privately in the hall.
NATALIE: The Sports Report's 100 Most Influential People.
DANA: Is it out?
NATALIE: Uh, it's on the stands on Friday, but they're leaking it tomorrow.
DANA: Did they leak it tonight?
NATALIE: Yep.
DANA: Are we on it?
NATALIE: Casey's 92.
DANA: Where's Dan?
NATALIE: He's not on it?
DANA: Dan's not on it?
NATALIE: No.
DANA: Well, I wouldn't tell him 'til after the show.
NATALIE: Actually, I was gonna not tell him at all and have you do it.
DANA: Why?
NATALIE: You make a lot more money than I do.
DANA: I'm paid that money to delegate.
NATALIE: Not gonna happen.
DANA: Natalie--
NATALIE: My head's in the game, Dana.
DANA: Did you really win the coin toss?
NATALIE: Yes.
DANA: And you picked me first?
NATALIE: Of course I picked you first.
DANA: You picked Dave first.
NATALIE: Yes.

Hair and makeup staffers prepare Dan and Casey for going on air.
CASEY: So the only reason you picked me is that Natalie won the coin toss.
DAN: I'd've picked you anyways.
CASEY: Oh, really?
DAN: No.
CASEY: You'd've picked Dave.
DAN: I need him on 19-century French philosophers. I need him on hip-hop.
CASEY: Oh, like I don't know hip-hop.
ALYSON: You're all set.
CASEY: I know hip-hop, Alyson.
ALYSON: Ok. (Alyson and other hair and makeup folk leave. Jeremy hands some papers to Dan and Casey.)
DAVE: Roll VTR.

JEREMY: Here's new grid copy for Dallas.
DAN: Thanks.
CASEY: Good show.
JEREMY: Is there a game tonight?
DAN: (clearly uncomfortable) What?
JEREMY: You guys are playing Celebrities tonight?
DAN: You know, I-- I think Natalie said something about that, but I'm not quite sure.
JEREMY: This sucks, you know that?
CASEY: Look, I'm sure it's ok if you play.
JEREMY: Thanks.
CASEY: Jeremy--
JEREMY: Invite me, don't invite me, but this sucks.
CASEY: This is her thing, what do you want me to do?
JEREMY: Yeah, yeah.
DAN: This is a new grid for Dallas.
JEREMY: Yeah. (leaves)
CASEY: Ah, he's got a fair point.
DAN: Yes.
CASEY: This is getting uncomfortable.
DAN: Yes.
CASEY: This is why you discourage fraternization in the office.
DAN: You discourage fraternization?
CASEY: I do.
DAN: Are you not counting the last year and a half with Dana?
CASEY: I am, as a matter of fact, not counting that.
DAN: Ok.
CASEY: Did I go on a date with her?
DAN: I'm very excited about this game tonight.
CASEY: No, I did not go on a date with her.
DAN: Natalie's beaten me one too many times and it's time to reclaim my manhood.
CASEY: It's payback night for Dana as well.
DAN: We're gonna wipe 'em up, dude.
CASEY: We're gonna do it with the fundamentals.
DAN: We've got superior education.
CASEY: We've got superior powers of communication.
DAN: Yes.
CASEY: Between you and me--
DAN: I know--
CASEY: I wouldn't say this publicly--
DAN: 'Cause that would be obnoxious--
CASEY: Of course, but just between us--
DAN: We're much smarter than they are.
CASEY: Yes.
DANA: (on mic) When is it gonna dawn on the two of you that we can hear everything you're saying?
DAN: All right.
CASEY: We're gonna need to get back to the fundamentals.
DAN: Yeah.
CASEY: Good evening. From New York City, I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell, and this is Sports Night.

Isaac's Office
DAN: We're starting in a few minutes.
ISAAC: Danny?
DAN: Yes?
ISAAC: singing) I like New York in June, how about you?
DAN: Wow. What are we, uh, what are we doing now, Isaac?
ISAAC: That song was written in 1940 for a movie called Babes on Broadway. Ask me another.
DAN: You're aware that this game we're playing is about famous people and not song titles.
ISAAC: I understand that. I'm just saying that I have a comprehensive command of American musicals and people don't know that about me.
DAN: And you want them to?
ISAAC: I have a comprehensive command.
DAN: Are you up for this game tonight?
ISAAC: Danny--
DAN: 'Cause I'm trying to reclaim my manhood.
ISAAC: Name a song.
DAN: I was gonna go change.
ISAAC: A song from a musical.
DAN: I was gonna go change.
ISAAC: Name a damn song.
DAN: How Are Things in Glocca Morra?
ISAAC: (stares blankly) That's gonna bug the crap out of me.
DAN: We're starting in a few minutes. (leaves)
ISAAC: How Are Things in Glocca Morra?

Dana's Office
CASEY: You sent for me?
DANA: Yes.
CASEY: You enjoy doing that, don't you?
DANA: Sending for you?
CASEY: Yes.
DANA: Yes.
CASEY: Well, I want you to know that your neuroses-riddled female power plays aren't gonna bring you want you want.
DANA: I sent for you. You're here.
CASEY: Yes.
DANA: I'm doing fine.
CASEY: Now what do you want?
DANA: According to Sports Report, you are the 92nd most influential person in sports.
CASEY: Really?
DANA: Yeah.
CASEY: Dan and I are 92nd?
DANA: Casey--
CASEY: 92nd?
DANA: Listen to me.
CASEY: Now, now, wait a minute. I think we're at least 65, and that's being conservative.
DANA: Dan's not on the list.
CASEY: What are you talking about?
DANA: You're 92nd. He's not on the list.
CASEY: Well, how do you know?
DANA: I know.
CASEY: How do you know?
DANA: We found out last night that they're leaking it tomorrow.
CASEY: Why don't they just publish the damn thing?
DANA: What does it matter? I'm saying--
CASEY: Does Danny know?
DANA: No.
CASEY: Well, when's he gonna find out?
DANA: I thought I'd leave that up to you.
CASEY: You're delegating?
DANA: Part of my neuroses-riddled female power play.
CASEY: Well, it won't work.
DANA: Leave now.
CASEY: Ok.


Anthony's
Jeremy builds structures out of olives and toothpicks. Jenny, not yet introduced, watches.
JEREMY: It's a parallelogram.
JENNY: No, it's not.
JEREMY: It really is.
JENNY: Mmm, suit yourself.
JEREMY: Yes, except it really is a parallelogram.
JENNY: The sum of two adjacent angles of a parallelogram have to equal 180 degrees.
JEREMY: I know that.
JENNY: Ok.
JEREMY: Really.
JENNY: It's ok to admit that you don't.
JEREMY: I actually have a degree in applied mathematics.
JENNY: Oh, well, they should have made you come to class more because it's nowhere--
JEREMY: Hey, you know, it was freeform sculpture. I wasn't really using a protractor and a couple of times the olives broke.
JENNY: Oh. My name's Jenny.
JEREMY: I'm Jeremy Goodwin.
JENNY: Nice to meet you.
JEREMY: Have we met?
JENNY: Oh, I, uh, I don't think so.
JEREMY: You sure you didn't go to Amherst?
JENNY: I went to Arizona State.
JEREMY: Oh, you're a Sun Devil.
JENNY: Uh-huh.
JEREMY: We didn't go to camp together?
JENNY: I never went to camp.
JEREMY: Oh, you should have gone to camp. It's great.
JENNY: I heard.
JEREMY: Are you in sports?
JENNY: Why do you ask?
JEREMY: 'Cause you really seem very familiar to me.
JENNY: Are you in sports?
JEREMY: Yeah.
JENNY: Are you... Sammy Sosa?
JEREMY: No.
JENNY: Of course no, because Sammy Sosa's a big Dominican man in a Cubs uniform.
JEREMY: Yeah, no, I work across the street at CSC.
JENNY: You work for Sports Night?
JEREMY: I'm a producer.
JENNY: You produce Sports Night? That's sufficiently impressive.
JEREMY: Oh, I don't produce it myself. There's an executive producer and a senior associate, both of whom are above me.
JENNY: Do you think your career progress is being thwarted by your inability to make a parallelogram?
JEREMY: I actually do not, no.
JENNY: Think you'd have more friends if you knew how to make--
JEREMY: I know how to make a parallelogram.
JENNY: Ok.
JEREMY: I also have plenty of friends.
JENNY: You just prefer to drink alone.
JEREMY: My friends are mad at me right now.
JENNY: Why?
JEREMY: I broke up with their girlfriend.
JENNY: Ah.
JEREMY: Are you sure I don't know you?
JENNY: No. The best thing for you to do right now?
JEREMY: Yeah?
JENNY: Buy me a drink.
JEREMY: Ok.

News Room
NATALIE: (walking around with football helmet and others drop slips of paper into it) Quiet, please. Folks, quiet! Herein are the rules: each team will send one player to the sacred helmet of names. That player will have 60 seconds to get his team to name as many of the celebrities written down in the sacred helmet as possible. You may employ any means necessary except saying any part of the person's name. When the game is over, Dan will hoist me on his shoulders.
DAN: I'm reclaiming my manhood today, baby.
NATALIE: Let's go.
CHRIS: Hang on.
NATALIE: What?
CHRIS: Will's in the bathroom.
NATALIE: We shall wait.
DAN: Yes, we shall.
DANA: (snaps) Casey?
CASEY: You snapped your fingers?
DANA: Yes.
CASEY: Why?
DANA: To get you to come to me quickly.
CASEY: Ah.
DANA: Have you spoken to Dan yet?
CASEY: No.
DANA: Casey--
CASEY: No, 'cause you know why? 'Cause I don't want to ruin his good time tonight.
DANA: Why don't you use this opportunity of Will being in the bathroom--
WILL: I'm back.
CASEY: Yes, you are. Thank God.
ISAAC: Before we start, I'd like to ask a question.
NATALIE: Is it about the rules?
ISAAC: Yes.
NATALIE: What?
ISAAC: Does anyone know the lyrics to How Are Things in Glocca Morra?
NATALIE: I do not.
ISAAC: I have a comprehensive knowledge of these things.
DAN: We don't know the lyrics, Isaac.
NATALIE: Are we ready to wipe the smug off their faces?
DANA, NATALIE, ELLIOT, DAVE, WILL: Yes!
DAN: Are we ready to reclaim our manhood?
DAN, CASEY, ISAAC, KIM, CHRIS: Huh!
NATALIE: Then let the games begin.

*c-break*

News Room
Celebrities game under way. Lots of background talking, joking, and cheering throughout.
DAN: All right, let's go. All right, uh, this guy was attorney general in 1973 for about 5 minutes. Saturday Night Massacre--
CASEY: Elliot Richardson.
ISAAC: William Ruckelshaus.
DAN: Yes! Uh, this guy, uh, defeated Montezuma.
CHRIS: Cortés!
DAN: Yes.
NATALIE: Need a first name.
DAN: Chris?
KIM: Come on, come on.
CHRIS: Jack.
DAN: There it is, Jack.
CASEY: It was Jack.
DAN: His friends called him Jack. This guy got Al Capone.
KIM: Elliot Ness.
DAN: Yes! Uh, th- this guy was one of the Monkees.
KIM: Davy Jones?
DAN: Not Davy Jones, but...
CASEY: Veronica.
DAN: No, what? No. Veronica?
CASEY: Played the tambourine.
DAN: That wasn't a real band. We're talking about the--
CASEY: Yeah, well neither are the Monkees.
DAN: They're real people, ok. And the guy, like a mouse--
ELLIOT: Time.
DAN: (pulls Casey aside) Veronica?
CASEY: Well, yeah, 'cause I put her name in the helmet. I thought that maybe you picked it.
DAN: You thought there was some crossover between the Archies and the Monkees?
CASEY: Hey, look, I'm under a certain amount of pressure here.
DAN: Yeah, well you're dealing with it well.
CASEY: Hey!
NATALIE: You guys got four, and that's giving you Jack Cortés. After three full rounds, we are ahead by 22.
CASEY: Just call time out.
DAN: Time out!
NATALIE: For what?
DAN: For what?
CASEY: We need to regroup and get some more beer.
DAN: Yeah, we need to regroup and get some more beer.
NATALIE: I'm setting this alarm for 10 minutes. When this thing goes off, we come back to finish what we began.
CASEY: Oh, my God.
DAN: I don't think I'm ever gonna get my manhood back, am I?
CASEY: It's not really clear you ever had it in the first place.
Dan and Casey walk to their office.


Anthony's
JEREMY: No, no, you had it, you had it.
JENNY: Good evening from New York City, I'm Casey McCall alongside--
JEREMY: Hang on.
JENNY: What?
JEREMY: It's not "Good evening from New York City." It's "Good evening" -- comma -- "from New York City, I'm Casey McCall."
JENNY: You pronounce the comma?
JEREMY: You don't pronounce it, but you acknowledge it.
JENNY: I acknowledged it.
JEREMY: No, you didn't.
JENNY: You want me to doff my cap?
JEREMY: Oh, it wouldn't kill you.
JENNY: I don't have a cap.
JEREMY: Then you should doff something else.
JENNY: What did you have in mind?
JEREMY: What?
JENNY: Uh-oh.
JEREMY: No.
JENNY: I, uh, just took it to the next level, didn't I?
JEREMY: Did you?
JENNY: If you're not sure, then I didn't do a good job.
JEREMY: That's not necessarily true. I'm not that good with these kinds of things and usually a girl needs to smack me in the head and hold up a sign.
JENNY: Good to know.
JEREMY: There are areas in which I'm an expert.
JENNY: Name some.
JEREMY: Sports.
JENNY: How many home runs did Ken Griffey hit in '97?
JEREMY: Ken Griffey wasn't playing baseball in '97, but his son Ken Griffey Jr. hit 56.
JENNY: He hit 54.
JEREMY: You are wrong.
JENNY: I don't think so.
JEREMY: I know so.
JENNY: You wanna make a bet?
JEREMY: You'll lose.
JENNY: I don't think so.
JEREMY: I've got the Elias Sports Book across the street.
JENNY: I'm not going anywhere. (Jeremy motions to her that he'll just be a minute and runs out of the bar.)

Dan & Casey's Office
ISAAC: I used to know these songs. I used to sing them with my friend Cory, a rehearsal accompanist.
CASEY: Hey, why don't you give Cory a call?
ISAAC: Oh, he died about a year ago.
CASEY: Sorry.
ISAAC: Oh, I can't remember the lyrics.
CASEY: Well, you're still ahead of us, Isaac, 'cause we never knew the lyrics.
ISAAC: I forgot my grandson's name this morning, just for a moment, but it seemed longer than that. Completely forgot his name.
DAN: Oh, man, when I was growing up, my father would call upstairs to me and my brother and my sister... he'd go through such a rolodex of names before he'd hit on anything even in the vicinity of our names that it--
ISAAC: Yeah.
DAN: You work a long day.
ISAAC: Yeah, I'll remember it.
CASEY: Well, don't go far. We're starting again soon.
ISAAC: Yeah. (leaves)
DAN: It's when he gets tired.
CASEY: Yeah. Hey, listen, here's something you're not gonna like.
DAN: What?
CASEY: Uh, well, I don't think it's a big deal. I don't think anybody else is gonna think it's a big deal either.
DAN: What?
JEREMY: (enters) Hey.
DAN: Hey, Jeremy.
JEREMY: I, uh, I just need to borrow your copy of Elias.
CASEY: Uh, it's up in the cabinet.
DAN: We feel bad.
JEREMY: It's one of those things.
CASEY: Hey, why don't you stay and play?
JEREMY: No, you know what? I think it's better for Natalie to be able to--
DAN: Nah, come on.
JEREMY: Yeah, I'm just gonna grab this and go.
CASEY: That book is mine and it doesn't leave the building.
DAN: Do you know how anal you are about your books?
CASEY: Uh, I know that Natalie's got your manhood stuffed inside of her Prada bag.
JEREMY: I'll make a copy. (leaves)
DAN: Let's go.
CASEY: I-- I still need to talk to you.
DAN: All right, well, later.

News Room
NATALIE: Here we go! We, uh, lead off the last round, you lead off this one.
DANA: Let's go, Jughead.
CASEY: Uh, is she, uh, talking to me?
DAN: Yeah.
ELLIOT: 5... 4... 3... 2...
CASEY: This is the secretary-general of the U.N.
ISAAC: Kofi Annan.
CASEY: Yes, uh, no.
ISAAC: Oh, oh, oh! Boutros Boutros-Ghali.
CASEY: Yes!
ISAAC: Bet your ass.
CASEY: Ok, this is a porn star. This is a female porn star. (At the copier, Jeremy overhears and makes a mental connection.) Uh, da da da, off the top of my head, I can't think of the names of the films she's been in.
KIM: Act them out for us.
CASEY: I don't think so.
DAN: Casey, come on.
CASEY: Uh, ok, I can tell you she was in The Best of Nina Hartley.
NATALIE: (blows whistle) Whoa, whoa, whoa!
CASEY: What, what what? That-- that was a violation?
NATALIE: What's the one rule of Celebrities?
CASEY: You-- you can't say the person's name?
NATALIE: You can't say the person's name!
DANA: All right, we'll give 'em one for Boutros Boutros-Ghali, and the rest of his round is over.
(Jeremy hands the book back to Dan and motions that he's leaving.)
DAN: You sure?
JEREMY: Yeah. (leaves)
CASEY: Sorry.

Anthony's
Jenny waits for Jeremy to return and builds up his toothpick and olive structure. Jeremy enters.
JENNY: Hey, what took you so long?
JEREMY: Oh, yeah, I was--
JENNY: Let me see. (grabs paper)
JEREMY: Jenny?
JENNY: Aw, son of a bitch.
JEREMY: Yeah.
JENNY: You were right.
JEREMY: I do it for a living.
JENNY: (notices that something is bothering Jeremy) Oh. You figured out how you recognized me.
JEREMY: Yeah.
JENNY: You really shouldn't watch those kinds of movies, Jeremy.
JEREMY: I don't, I swear. Sometimes I get home very late at night because of the show, and--
JENNY: Channel 35.
JEREMY: Well, it's just there.
JENNY: It's ok.
JEREMY: Look--
JENNY: It's ok to enjoy the movies, Jeremy. That's why I make them.
JEREMY: Yeah, but--
JENNY: I do that for a living.
JEREMY: Well, I, uh... You're very good.
JENNY: Thank you.
JEREMY: Anyway, it's 56 homeruns.
JENNY: Why don't you come out with me and my friends tonight? There's a party.
JEREMY: Why are you talking to me?
JENNY: What do you mean?
JEREMY: There are a lot of guys in this bar.
JENNY: Jeremy--
JEREMY: There are a lot of guys in this city.
JENNY: Why did I start talking to you?
JEREMY: Yes.
Jenny talks out a pen from her purse, writes something on a coaster, then hits Jeremy on the head.
JEREMY: Ow.
JENNY: It's what you told me to do.
JEREMY: Really?
JENNY: I made a sign. (shows Jeremy the coaster and he reads it aloud)
JEREMY: "I think you're cute and I've had fun talking to you, and I'd like you to ask me out."
JENNY: Yes.
JEREMY: That's pretty flattering.
JENNY: Well, I should think so.
JEREMY: I can't.
JENNY: You didn't like talking to me?
JEREMY: No, I did.
JENNY: But now that you know what I do for a living--
JEREMY: My point is that I am nothing like the people that you associate with.
JENNY: How do you know who I associate with?
JEREMY: I've seen them in the movies.
JENNY: Yes, those are people I work with.
JEREMY: Yes.
JENNY: And in what ways are you not like them?
JEREMY: Well, anatomically, to be sure.
JENNY: Thank God for that.
JEREMY: Yeah.
JENNY: Come out with us.
JEREMY: Look--
JENNY: No one is gonna take their penis out and hit you in the head with it.
JEREMY: Thank God for that.
JENNY: Come on.
JEREMY: It's just not my world.
JENNY: I'm sorry?
JEREMY: I'm not making any judgment at all, it's just not my world.
JENNY: Ah, I think you are making a judgment, Jeremy, 'cause the whole thing's your world. You get to try everything you can. I-- you're not in my world either, but I started talking to you : anyway because I don't ordinarily get to meet guys like you, and I really wanted to. So I think you are making a judgment, because it's either fear, or some ridiculous preconception that I am someone who can't be seen in daylight that's keeping you from saying yes, because I know you like to talk to me, and I know that you like to look at me. I hope it's fear because the other's really pathetic. Either way, I've, uh, I've got a website, so if you're got a credit card, you can look at me where it's more comfortable. Thanks for the drinks. (leaves)


News Room
ELLIOT: 5 second warning. 4... 3...
DAN: Oh my God, this is it. (starts patting his stomach)
CASEY: What are you doing?
DAN: It's the signal.
ISAAC: What's he doing?
CASEY: It's a signal. It's Rooty something.
DAN: Nope.
CASEY: It's Rooty.
DAN: No, it's not.
CASEY: It's Rooty Rooty.
DAN: Ok, Casey, come on.
CASEY: Rooty, Rooty, Rooty.
DAN: No, no, no.
CASEY: Well, just give me a second.
CHRIS: Rooty!
ISAAC: I got it!
DAN: Please!
ISAAC: (singing) So I ask each weepin' willow and each brook along the way and each lad that comes a-whistlin' too-ra-lay, "How are things in Glocca Morra this fine day?"
DANA: Excellent!
DAN: Can we please--
ISAAC: And my grandson's name is Matthew, by the way.
DAN: Can we please--
ELLIOT: 20 seconds.
DAN: Come on, what am I doing?
CASEY: Rooty! Rooty!
DAN: Listen, listen, listen, quickly, quickly, calmly, for the love of God, please stop saying Rooty, ok? All right, this is an Israeli violinist--
CASEY: Yehudi Menuhin!
DAN: Yes!
ELLIOT: Time.
CHRIS: We got one.
Natalie's team mocks Dan's team.
DAN: Yes, we did. We did. We got one. And it was a testament to great teamwork, however ragged it may have been.
CASEY: Oh, yeah, jeez, the guilt is practically flying out of my ears here. We need to take a break.
NATALIE: No breaks.
CASEY: Just get a beer?
NATALIE: Ok.
CASEY: Can I talk to you for a second?

Dan & Casey's Office
DAN: Don't let my enthusiasm out there mislead you. This team still needs a lot of work.
CASEY: Yeah, uh... listen. The Sport Report's top 100 list is coming out Friday.
DAN: Yeah, was it leaked?
CASEY: Uh, yeah. You're-- you're not on it.
DAN: What else is new?
CASEY: I am on it.
DAN: Really?
CASEY: 92.
DAN: That's great.
CASEY: Look--
DAN: Although I think you got gypped. I mean, you should have been at least-- who was higher than you?
CASEY: Danny, I-- look, look--
DAN: No, I'm saying, I mean, who's higher than you?
CASEY: 91 other people. It's ok to be pissed.
DAN: Is it?
CASEY: Yeah.
DAN: Thanks for your permission.
CASEY: I'm sorry.
DAN: Nah, that's a good thing, 'cause I was running out of stuff to talk about with my therapist.
CASEY: Look, trust me, this isn't a problem for your therapist. This is a problem for your publicist.
DAN: Dude, I don't have a publicist.
CASEY: I know.
JEREMY: (enters) Excuse me.
DAN: Hey.
JEREMY: I feel like I've been interrupting you guys in the middle of things.
CASEY: No.
JEREMY: Yeah.
CASEY: Look, no. Come on, this has to stop, all right? We're-- we're with you on this, nothing's changed. Natalie's just a little tweaked. We're gonna deal with it and it's wrong to think that there are two sides on this.
JEREMY: I appreciate that. I'm just gonna sit here a second. I've been having a bit of a night. I'm just gonna take a second.
DAN: What's going on?
JEREMY: Nothing.
DAN: Ok, well, let's go. Game time.
CASEY: We're all right?
DAN: We're perfectly fine.
CASEY: Hey, did you mean it when you said that you thought I should be higher than 92?
DAN: Yes.
CASEY: Well, if I could trade my 92 in for your didn't make the list at all, I would.
DAN: Thanks.
CASEY: Though, rest assured, that kind of thing is completely beyond my control.
DAN: Get out.
CASEY: Game time!

News Room/Dan & Casey's Office
CHRIS: 5 second warning.
DAVE: Ok.
CHRIS: In 3... 2...
DANA: Ok, this guy is an explorer. He discovered an east trade route. He discovered worlds beyond Europe.
NATALIE: Marco Polo.
DANA: Um, oh, ok, this guy is dead. He broke all the rules for guitar.
DAVE: Oh, Jimi Hendrix.
The camera pulls back to the office to show Jeremy on couch, listening in on the game.
DANA: Nice. Um, ok, this guy didn't use any of the recognized rules of punctuation.
WILL: e.e. cummings.
DANA: Yes! Ooh, oh, sorry. Ok, downtown artist turned soup cans--
WILL: Andy Warhol.
DANA: Uh, oh, oh, famous comedian, uh from the '60s.
ELLIOT: Alan King.
DANA: No, not Alan King. He went to jail for obscenity.
JEREMY: (quietly answering, before anyone else and without others hearing him) Lenny Bruce.
ELLIOT: Oh, uh, Lenny Bruce!
DANA: Yes! Ok, this is, uh, ooh, this is a famous American poet. He escaped society to live in the--
JEREMY: Thoreau.
NATALIE: Henry David Thoreau.
DANA: Yes! Ok. This is a dancer. Yes, this is a dancer. She scandalized Paris in the '20s.
WILL: Marilyn Monroe!
JEREMY: Josephine Baker.
NATALIE: She said the 20's.
DANA: The 20's. She did a fan dance.
DAVE: Josephine Baker.
DANA: Yes! Oh, this--
CHRIS: Time!

*credits*

original transcript from the_49th_floor

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Tags: hit in the head with a penis, jenny, neuroses-riddled female power play, parralelogram, season 2, yehudi menuhin
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