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Sports Night: Season 2: Episode 20: Bells and a Siren

Dan & Casey's Office
CATHERINE: It's gonna be a hot place.
DAN: It's in New Jersey.
CATHERINE: It's gonna be the hot new place.
DAN: New Jersey's gonna be the hot new place?
CATHERINE: The restaurant's gonna be the hot new place.
DAN: The restaurant's in New Jersey.
CATHERINE: Right across the river.
DAN: Yeah, but across the river.
CATHERINE: Just on the other side.
DAN: Which makes it New Jersey.
CATHERINE: Dan, you gotta trust me.
DAN: Are other people gonna be there?
CATHERINE: Of course other people are gonna be there.
DAN: I mean other people.
CATHERINE: Yeah.
DAN: Who?
CATHERINE: Jay McInerney, Ivana Drumpf. Interestingly, the other girl who used to be married to Donald Drumpf. Whose name I can't--
DAN: Right.
CATHERINE: She, I grant you, is not A-list.
DAN: Drumpf's ex-wife?
CATHERINE: The one after Ivana whose name I can't remember.
DAN: I like her. I can't remember her name either, although I can tell you she was very good in "Will Rogers Follies."
CATHERINE: What did she do?
DAN: She sang, she danced, I think she twirled a rope. All I know is I was finally happy to see her realize her dream of the stage.
KIM: Five minutes to air. First team in the studio, please.

(Dan begins walking toward the Studio as Catherine follows.)

CATHERINE: All I'm saying is that the heat's died down on her a little since she's not with Drumpf anymore.
DAN: Yeah, and I think that's come as a surprise to all of us.
CATHERINE: But it shouldn't stop you from showing up tonight.
DAN: I will.
CATHERINE: Just make an appearance, get your picture taken--
DAN: I just said I will. I will be in New Jersey at midnight tonight.
CATHERINE: Should we have a car take us?
DAN: Not when we could just as easily swim across the Hudson, no.
CATHERINE: You don't want to hire a car?
DAN: We'll take my car.
CATHERINE: We should hire a car.
DAN: I like to drive.
CATHERINE: There's gonna be press. People will see you driving your own car.
DAN: Oh yeah, we wouldn't want it to get out that I have a driver's licence.
CATHERINE: We'll take your car.
DAN: Yes, we will.
CATHERINE: Right after the show?
DAN: Yes, already.
CATHERINE: I'm a very important part of your life now, Dan. You can't take me for granted.
DAN: I don't take you for granted. Elliot, this is my publicist's secretary, Catherine something.
CATHERINE: Brenner, and I'm not a secretary.
ELLIOT: Nice to meet you.
DAN: She's in the 10th grade.
CATHERINE: I'm 22.
ELLIOT: We're inside 5.

Studio
CATHERINE: You're not gonna flake out, right?
DAN: Leave me alone.
NATALIE: Where's Dana?
DAN: Editing.
NATALIE: Is she talking to me yet?
DAN: No.
CATHERINE: Danny?
DAN: What?
CATHERINE: Promise you're not going to flake out.
DAN: Just go into a room and watch "Felicity", would you?
CATHERINE: Right. At 11:00 on a Thursday?
DAN: Hey, I'm out of the mainstream, Catherine. I better get myself to New Jersey and stat.

Editing Room
NATALIE: Dana, we've got Samaranch for three minutes via satellite if we want it. It will come in the 20's, which is fine if you'll let me move Boston. What do you think?
DANA: I'm sorry. Was somebody speaking in here?
NATALIE: Dana.
DANA: I thought I heard voices.
NATALIE: Dana.
DANA: Oh, I must have been mistaken.
NATALIE: Look--
DANA: "Saturday Night Live"?
NATALIE: Do you want the damn satellite feed?
DANA: "Saturday Night Live"?
NATALIE: Dana, it's just an interview.
DANA: It's a job interview.
NATALIE: That's right.
DANA: Yes.
NATALIE: Yeah.
DANA: Well, you have a job.
NATALIE: Not for long.
DANA: Who told you that?
NATALIE: You did.
DANA: That was before.
NATALIE: Before what?
DANA: Before the ratings surge.
NATALIE: There hasn't been a ratings surge.
DANA: Oh, there's been a ratings spike.
NATALIE: Dana--
DANA: In the last 10 days, we have ticked up 2/10 in households, 3/10 in demos 18 to 49, 18 to 35, big market carriers -- Atlanta, Miami, San Francisco, Scottsdale --
NATALIE: Scottsdale's a big market carrier?
DANA: Lot of sports fans in Scottsdale, Natalie. The tide is turning and you know what you do when the tide is turning?
NATALIE: Stay with the boat?
DANA: You stay with the boat; you don't go out on job interviews.
NATALIE: You told me to.
DANA: In haste.
NATALIE: Not in haste -- out of experience and expertise in how these things go when these things go down.
DANA: Up 2/10 in the last 10 days!
NATALIE: It's a momentary thing, Dana. They're tuning in for Agassi.
DANA: But I'm saying we build on that.
NATALIE: Nobody's offered me anything. I'm going to have an interview.
DANA: With "Saturday Night Live"?
NATALIE: Yes.
DANA: Ok.
NATALIE: Do you want the feed?
DANA: I'm sorry?
NATALIE: I said, "Do you want the feed?"
DANA: Was someone talking?
NATALIE: Dana.
DANA: I thought I heard voices.

Studio/Control Room
DAVE: Roll VTR.
WILL: 60 seconds live.
NATALIE: Chris, tell broadcast we'll take the Samaranch feed.
CHRIS: They'll count in from 22.
ELLIOT: Dana, you know about the problem with the fire alarms in the studio?
DANA: What's the problem with the fire alarms in the studio?
KIM: They go off when there's no fire in the studio.
DANA: Really?
ELLIOT: They've been going off at night.
DANA: Are they gonna go off during the show?
KIM: We had 'em disconnected.
DANA: What if there's a fire?
KIM: It's the studio. You'll see it on television.
DANA: Have them connected after the show and then get this fixed.
ELLIOT: Yeah.
JEREMY: Dan, the Lakers just scored 14 unanswered in the 4th.
DAN: Give it to me in the 10's.
JEREMY: You want tape?
DAN: Ask Dana.
JEREMY: You want tape?
DANA: I'm sorry, did someone say something?
NATALIE: That was Jeremy. You can hear Jeremy.
DANA: Oh. Tape if they get within 6, Danny.
DAN: Thank you.
DAVE: 30 seconds live.

CASEY: What kind of food are they serving?
DAN: What do you care?
CASEY: I'm just wondering if it's, uh, native New Jersey cuisine.
DAN: It's French.
CASEY: Ah.
DAN: Yes.
CASEY: I like the French.
DAN: You do?
CASEY: Yes, I do. I like their toast.
DAN: Yes.
CASEY: I like their dressing. I like their fries. I like their maids. I like their kissing.
DAN: Ok, right now, before we go on the air, the image of you doing that is, like, the last thing I want in my head.
CASEY: I like French's Mustard.
DAN: Casey, come on.
CASEY: I like Mr. French.
DAVE: In 3, 2...
CASEY: Good evening. Bonsoir. From New York City, I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell.


Dan & Casey's Office
JEREMY: Hey.
CASEY: Good morning, Jeremy.
JEREMY: Tampa's gonna put LaGuardia on waivers.
CASEY: Is it on the wire?
JEREMY: No, but it will be.
CASEY: Don't you want to know what I'm doing?
JEREMY: Ok.
CASEY: I'm being pro-active, Jeremy. I'm rolling up my sleeves.
JEREMY: You've heard something new.
CASEY: In the last 10 days, we're up 2/10 in households, 3/10 with demos 18 to 49, 18 to 35.
JEREMY: Isn't that just Agassi?
CASEY: Maybe, maybe not. But now on the elevator I hear Continental Corp suspended trading for the day on the New York stock exchange. You know why?
JEREMY: No.
CASEY: Me neither, but I'm gonna find out.
JEREMY: Ok.
CASEY: So while the rest of you are running around like chickens with your legs cut off, I'm playing a leadership role.
JEREMY: Heads cut off.
CASEY: What?
JEREMY: We are running around like chickens with our heads cut off.
CASEY: Right.
JEREMY: If our legs were cut off, we wouldn't be able to run around at all.
CASEY: I'd be able to throw you around, though, wouldn't I?
JEREMY: Yeah.
CASEY: Ok.
JEREMY: So what are you doing?
CASEY: What am I doing?
JEREMY: Yeah.
CASEY: Let's get Socratic.
JEREMY: Ok.
CASEY: Why is all this happening?
JEREMY: The cutbacks?
CASEY: Well, the cutbacks, losing the Olympic coverage, the deal with Austech, the threat of layoffs.
JEREMY: Because Continental Corp's stock has been dropping.
CASEY: 'Cause Continental Corp's stock has been dropping. Yes, very good. I see you've been rolling up your sleeves as well.
JEREMY: Yes, I'm alive, and I read the newspaper.
CASEY: Ok. Industry analysts believe that launching a cable sports network in an already saturated market was a mistake for Continental Corp.
JEREMY: Yes.
CASEY: And what's the single biggest budget expense for this cable network?
JEREMY: Our show.
CASEY: "Sports Night." Correct. Excellent.
JEREMY: Thank you.
CASEY: Now, my job isn't in jeopardy because--
JEREMY: Well, you're the franchise.
CASEY: That's right. You're job isn't in jeopardy because--
JEREMY: I don't get paid very much.
CASEY: Yes. It's people like Natalie whose jobs are in jeopardy.
JEREMY: Yes.
CASEY: So what did I do?
JEREMY: You rolled up your sleeves.
CASEY: I got pro-active.
JEREMY: Natalie will rest easier.
CASEY: The power of the internet, my friend. I got online.
JEREMY: I didn't know you knew how to do that.
CASEY: Oh, a guy from tech support taught me.
JEREMY: Should have asked me.
CASEY: I was a little embarrassed.
JEREMY: I can't imagine why.
CASEY: Look at this morning's stock quotes. We opened up 2 2/8. The S&P index has us over 900 for the first time in 18 months, and we're very competitive with MCI WorldCom. Couple more days of this and I'm ready to pronounce this a healthy stock issue with a very fiscal outlook.
JEREMY: Yes. You know you're looking at the stock analysis for Continental Coil, right?
CASEY: Hmm.
JEREMY: Yeah.
CASEY: Continental Coil.
JEREMY: Yes.
CASEY: That's not us.
JEREMY: No.

Isaac's Office
DANA: "Saturday Night Live," of all places.
ISAAC: Did I tell you to keep it to yourself?
DANA: Yes.
ISAAC: Did I?
DANA: Yes.
ISAAC: You said, "Doesn't it look to you like they're talking about cutbacks?" I said, "Yes." You said, "Natalie's in jeopardy." I said, "yes." And what else did I say?
DANA: You said, "Keep it to yourself."
ISAAC: I said, "Keep it to yourself!" I said, "Before we start a panic, let's know what we're talking about."
DANA: Yes.
ISAAC: Did you keep it to yourself?
DANA: No.
ISAAC: What did you do?
DANA: I told Natalie.
ISAAC: And what happened?
DANA: Panic ensued.
ISAAC: Plan well executed.
DANA: Are you growing a beard?
ISAAC: No.
DANA: Did you shave this morning?
ISAAC: No.
DANA: Why?
ISAAC: I like an electric razor.
DANA: You should buy one.
ISAAC: I have one. I have four.
DANA: You have four electric razors?
ISAAC: Yes.
DANA: Why?
ISAAC: I like them.
DANA: Is your electricity not working?
ISAAC: Esther baby-proofed the house.
DANA: Matthew's here. I totally forgot. When was the last time you saw him?
ISAAC: About nine months ago -- before the stroke.
DANA: Matthew's here.
ISAAC: The kid can't even walk yet. Why are we locking the medicine cabinets?
DANA: Does he crawl?
ISAAC: Not up walls, no.
NATALIE: (enters) Hey.
ISAAC: Hey.
NATALIE: Tampa's gonna put LaGuardia on waivers.
ISAAC: Is that for real?
NATALIE: Will be in a few minutes.
DANA: I should go.
ISAAC: Yes.
DANA: Isn't it great?
ISAAC: What?
DANA: Matthew's here.
ISAAC: Get out.
NATALIE: Ok.


Hallways/News Room/Dana's Office
DANA: He's meeting with some budget guys at 4:00.
NATALIE: Mitchel?
DANA: Yeah, and Sid Janus and Janet Alperin.
NATALIE: You're talking to me.
DANA: Yes.
NATALIE: I'm just pointing that out.
DANA: I'm talking to you again.
NATALIE: I'm glad.
DANA: What time's your interview?
NATALIE: It's on the dinner break.
DANA: Let me tell you why it's not gonna go well.
NATALIE: What?
DANA: Let me tell you why your job interview is gonna go very badly.
NATALIE: Why?
DANA: You're not funny.
NATALIE: I don't need to be funny.
DANA: Yes, you do.
NATALIE: They're looking for a studio producer. I don't think I have to write the show.
DANA: You might.
NATALIE: What?
DANA: In an emergency.
NATALIE: What kind of emergency?
DANA: A writer emergency.
NATALIE: There's not going to be a writer emergency,
DANA: There could be. Also, they expect you to be funny at the control room and then later on at the post-show party.
NATALIE: I am funny.
DANA: No, you're not. You're not funny in the control room, you're not funny at the post-show party, and you are not funny in a writer emergency.
NATALIE: You're just trying to undermine my confidence.
DANA: That's right.
NATALIE: What?
DANA: I said, "That's right."
NATALIE: You're trying to undermine my confidence?
DANA: And undermine it I will, for I am the queen of the mind game, baby. I am in your head now, and this is me all day long there, Malibu Barbie.
NATALIE: Dana.
DANA: You're short, and nobody likes you very much.
NATALIE: I'm gonna go start the camera test.
DANA: Princess of the psych out, baby! (Natalie leaves)

Dan & Casey's Office
DANA: Hey.
CASEY: Hey.
JEREMY: Hey.
DANA: I'm in her head now.
CASEY: Good.
JEREMY: Good.
DANA: I got the psychological end of this covered.
CASEY: Well, Jeremy and I are taking care of business over here.
DANA: Good.
CASEY: Yep.
JEREMY: Yep.
DANA: So we really have nothing to worry about?
JEREMY: Yeah.
CASEY: Yeah.
DANA: Good. (leaves)

*c-break*

Dan & Casey's Office
JEREMY: Interesting.
CASEY: Yeah?
JEREMY: Very interesting.
CASEY: What do you got?
JEREMY: Well, the Dow Jones industrials are down 4.9%, which is its biggest loss since October 15th, while the NASDAQ composite remained in positive territory.
CASEY: You know what that means?
JEREMY: What?
CASEY: No, I'm asking you.
JEREMY: No, do you?
CASEY: No.
JEREMY: Ok.
NATALIE: Hey.
CASEY: Hey.
JEREMY: Hey.
NATALIE: Where's Dan?
CASEY: Uh, he's got Sprewell at the Garden.
NATALIE: Ok. Well, then, Jeremy, can I talk to you for a second?
JEREMY: Yes. Keep an eye on this.
CASEY: What are the warning signs? What am I looking for?
JEREMY: Uh, red lights are gonna start going off on the computer with bells and a siren, and that means we’re all in trouble.
CASEY: Really?
JEREMY: Yeah.
CASEY: Oh.
Natalie and Jeremy leave and walk through the News Room

NATALIE: Dana's been trying to psych me out.
JEREMY: Really?
NATALIE: She's been trying to undermine my confidence so I tank the interview.
JEREMY: That doesn't sound like Dana.
NATALIE: Well, it's coming from a place of love.
JEREMY: Yes.
NATALIE: Anyway, it's ridiculous, and obviously it's not gonna work, but I just wanted a few words of encouragement, and so I came to you.
JEREMY: No, you came to Dan. (They enter the conference room)
NATALIE: And then you.
JEREMY: Ok.
NATALIE: So, what do you think?
JEREMY: I think you're gonna do great. You're poised, you're experienced, you're gonna do fine.
NATALIE: Thank you.
JEREMY: The only thing I'd worry about is your limited vocabulary.
NATALIE: What?
JEREMY: Your extremely limited vocabulary.
NATALIE: Jeremy--
JEREMY: It's not so much that it's limited, it's that you don't know that it's limited.
NATALIE: Meaning?
JEREMY: You frequently misuse words.
NATALIE: Dana got to you.
JEREMY: You're gonna be fine.
NATALIE: Thank you.
JEREMY: I wouldn't worry about the height thing. (Dan enters)
NATALIE: A friend! Thank God. Hey, Dan.
DAN: Hey, dumbass.
NATALIE: Danny!
DAN: I saw Dana in the hallway.
NATALIE: I hate all of you. (leaves)

JEREMY: How was the thing last night? (Dan and Jeremy walk through the News Room)
DAN: It was ridiculous and I'm not doing anything like it again.
JEREMY: Was Marla Maples there?
DAN: That's her name! Yes, she was there. Thank you.
JEREMY: Nice girl.
DAN: Lovely girl.
JEREMY: Saw her in the "Will Rogers Follies."
DAN: The girl can twirl a rope.
JEREMY: No doubt about it.
DAN: Anyway, I felt stupid and I'm not doing those things anymore.
JEREMY: Ok.
DAN: The high-water mark was when I was mistaken for a Backstreet Boy. Is there a Backstreet Boy I look like?
JEREMY: Yeah.
DAN: Which one?
JEREMY: That guy.

Dan & Casey's Office
DAN: Hey.
CASEY: How was the thing last night?
DAN: I'm firing my publicist.
CASEY: Really?
DAN: I've invited him up here to fire him.
JEREMY: I thought your publicist was a woman.
DAN: That's my guy's assistant. My publicist is a man.
JEREMY: And you invited him up here to fire him?
DAN: Yes.
JEREMY: Instead of doing it over the phone?
DAN: That would've been rude.
JEREMY: Sure.
DAN: What are you doing?
CASEY: Looking out for our future.
DAN: Really?
CASEY: Yep.
DAN: Hmm. Well, I feel better already.

Isaac's Office
ISAAC: You're gonna be terrific.
NATALIE: Thank you.
ISAAC: And don't worry about Dana and Danny and Jeremy. Everyone wants the best for you.
NATALIE: Any last-minute advice?
ISAAC: Stay away from big words and don't try to be funny.
NATALIE: I'm going now.
DANA: (enters) Hey.
NATALIE: I'm going now.
DANA: Is that what you're wearing?
NATALIE: I hate you!
DANA: She's totally cooked.
ISAAC: What do you need?
DANA: How did it go?
ISAAC: The budget meeting?
DANA: Yeah.
ISAAC: I don't know.
DANA: What do you mean?
ISAAC: Something's going on.
DANA: Like what?
ISAAC: Sid Janus was acting strange.
DANA: Sid Janus always acts strange.
ISAAC: Yeah.
DANA: I bought this at lunch. (pulls a stuffed turtle puppet from a bag) It's for Matthew.
ISAAC: What is it?
DANA: Franklin the Turtle.
ISAAC: Yeah, he'll like it. (takes the puppet off Dana's hand and sets it off to the side)
DANA: What is the matter with you?
ISAAC: What?
DANA: What's the matter with you? A week ago, you couldn't wait to see Matthew. All you talked about was Matthew. You were driving us nuts with Matthew. Now, all of a sudden, he's a burden.
ISAAC: He's not a burden.
DANA: He's a pain in the ass and you want him and his parents out.
ISAAC: That's not true.
DANA: "I can't use my electric razor. They baby-proofed the medicine cabinets. I don't like your turtle puppet."
ISAAC: I didn't say a word about the turtle puppet.
DANA: Isaac.
ISAAC: Matthew's afraid of me.
DANA: What do you mean?
ISAAC: He's afraid of me. When I come to him to pick him up, he shrieks and runs to his mother of his father of Esther.
DANA: He hasn't seen you since he was 7 months old. He doesn't know you.
ISAAC: Nah.
DANA: Isaac.
ISAAC: The way I walk -- I look like the monsters in cartoons he watches. And, you know, late at night when I come home, my speech is worse and my facial muscles, uh, you know, I try, but...
DANA: Isaac.
ISAAC: But when I'm tired... It's the stroke, Dana. He's afraid of me.
DANA: Maybe. Maybe. Maybe right now he is. But he's a year and a half old, and he'll get over it.
ISAAC: Yes, he will. And I'm happy to give him the turtle puppet.
DANA: Ok.
ISAAC: Anyway, Sid Janus was acting strange.
DANA: Ok.


Dan & Casey's Office
CASEY: Nabisco's up 1/4.
JEREMY: You have stock in Nabisco?
CASEY: I have 10 shares.
JEREMY: Really?
CASEY: I bought it three hours ago. It's the heartbeat of my portfolio.
JEREMY: People are gonna buy those cookies.
CASEY: That's what I'm saying.
DAN: How many times are the two of you gonna check that screen?
CASEY: Well, we're monitoring our future, Danny.
DAN: What are you looking for, exactly?
CASEY: Jeremy says there'll be bells and a siren, then we'll know we're in trouble.
JEREMY: You know I was kidding when I said that, right?
CASEY: Yeah.
JEREMY: Ok.
CATHERINE: (enters) Hey.
DAN: Catherine.
CATHERINE: Am I late?
DAN: I was expecting Paul.
CATHERINE: Paul sent me.
DAN: Why?
CATHERINE: I'm your account.
DAN: Paul's my account. You're Paul's assistant.
CATHERINE: And I'm your girl.
DAN: Everybody out. I need to speak to Catherine.
CASEY: I've got to monitor our future, Danny.
JEREMY: We can do it out there.
CASEY: We can?
JEREMY: Yeah.
CASEY: How?
JEREMY: Every single desk has a computer terminal out there.
CASEY: Yeah, they all have this stuff on them?
JEREMY: Yes, Casey, they're all hooked up to the magical internet.
DAN: Casey, come on.
CASEY: I'll be out there. (Casey & Jeremy leave)
DAN: Hi.
CATHERINE: Hi.
DAN: You're fired.
CATHERINE: I'm fired?
DAN: Technically, Paul's fired.
CATHERINE: Danny, you're my account.
DAN: You're my girl?
CATHERINE: Yeah.
DAN: Then you're fired too.
CATHERINE: You don't think we're good publicists?
DAN: I think you're fine publicists. I just don't want to do this anymore.
CATHERINE: Do what anymore?
DAN: I'm not a war correspondent for Radio Free Europe, but I do take what I do seriously and I just don't want to do these things anymore. You know, for an hour a night, I got three million people looking at me. That's plenty of attention for one guy.
CATHERINE: Ok.
DAN: It was good knowing you, though. I appreciate the work.
CATHERINE: Do you mind if I say something?
DAN: No.
CATHERINE: You're really full of it, Dan.
DAN: I don't think I am.
CATHERINE: No, I really think you are. There are these things you want and you're ashamed that you want them, and then you get mad at the people who try to give them to you. And you make these judgments. Like, you decided off the bat that I'm dumb, which I'm not. Being a publicist isn't Radio Free Europe either, Danny. I know what most people think of us, but I wanted to be one, so I'm going after it. You want to be famous. I don't think there's always something wrong with that, I'm told being famous is enjoyable. I can understand why you would want it, particularly when it translates directly into business for you and your show at a time when both could use it. You came to us, Danny. If you want to fire us, that's fine, but don't look down your nose at me. It's really unbecoming. (She turns and starts to walk out of the building)

News Room
Dan takes a moment to think about what Catherine said and then runs after her.
DAN: Catherine.
CATHERINE: Yes.
DAN: All right, one-- Fine, one condition: I never have to go to New Jersey.
CATHERINE: You go where I tell you to go.
DAN: All right, no conditions.
CATHERINE: I'll tell Paul.
DAN: Fine. But I'm your account, right?
CATHERINE: Right.
DAN: Ok.
CATHERINE: Have a good show.
DAN: Want to stay and watch?
CATHERINE: I'm going home. I taped "Felicity."
DAN: You're kidding.
CATHERINE: Yes.
DAN: Oh, ok. You did one on me there.
CATHERINE: Have a good show.

Dana's Office
Dana smokes a cigarette in her office. She hears Natalie yell from the hallway. Dana panics and throws the cigarette in her trashcan.

DANA: Come in.
NATALIE: I'm back.
DANA: Yes.
NATALIE: I've been back for a while now. I didn't know if you knew.
DANA: Yeah.
NATALIE: Dana, your garbage can's on fire.
DANA: Oh. (Natalie throws Dana a bottle of water.)
NATALIE: Here. Paper, you know, is combustible.
DANA: What do I look like, Fireman Bob?
NATALIE: Anyway, I'm back.
DANA: How'd it go?
NATALIE: I totally tanked.
DANA: Yeah?
NATALIE: No confidence.
DANA: Yeah?
NATALIE: No communication skills, no sense of humor. Certain that my heels weren't high enough.
DANA: I'm sorry.
NATALIE: They kind of gave me a courtesy listen for about an hour, but it was over pretty early.
DANA: Trey Curtis called from "Saturday Night Live." He said you killed. He said they offered to beat your salary by 25% right there in the room. He couldn't believe you passed.
NATALIE: I've been here since the first show, Dana. I went into the bathroom and threw up before that show. You got to have a lot invested in something to boot as spectacularly as I did before that first show. I really believe I'm a big part of this. I'd be crazy not to stick around and see how it turned out.
DANA: Good.
NATALIE: Also, seriously, one day you're gonna burn the building down.
DANA: I know.
NATALIE: Well, try and change in that regard.
DANA: I don't know how.
NATALIE: Don't smoke.
DANA: Natalie, I don't think I do a very good job in showing you how much I respect you.
NATALIE: Yes, you do.
MAN ON PA: 3 minutes to air, first team to the studio. 3 minutes.

News Room
Casey and Dan start for the studio but stop at Jeremy's computer where Kim, Elliot, Dave, Will and Chris are also gathered.
CASEY: Stand by.
DAN: I saw it say "stand by." Jeremy, didn't it say "stand by"?
JEREMY: It still says "stand by".
DAN: It still says "stand by."
CASEY: It's been five minutes no that thing has said "stand by."
ELLIOT: Does anybody smell smoke?
DANA: What the hell's going on?
CASEY: It says "stand by."
DANA: We're on the air in three minutes.
CHRIS: I smell smoke too.
NATALIE: Dana lit her office on fire.
CHRIS: Ah.
NATALIE: There's still some smoke.
DANA: Let's go.
CASEY: Dana, Jeremy hacked into this amazing thing. It's giving us a 24-hour real-time business update and it's technologically calibrated to flag us, essentially, when there is an important business update regarding Continental Corp.
JEREMY: Casey, listen to me. I logged on to Continental Corp.
CASEY: I know. You're a magician, Jeremy.
DANA: Guys--
JEREMY: Dana, the point is, we got the "stand by" signal a few minutes ago. It could honestly indicate a major stock leap or a merger or any number of things that would qualify as a miracle around here.
DANA: Well, we're gonna have to find out later. (The computer beeps.)
JEREMY: Hang on. Wow. (Everyone leans over to read the computer screen)
DAN: Oh.
DANA: What? We're for sale?
An alarm bell starts sounding.
CASEY: Jeremy?
JEREMY: Yeah?
CASEY: That's the fire alarm, right?
JEREMY: Yeah. (The alarm stops.)
NATALIE: Let's worry about it in an hour. Let's go.

*credits*


original transcript from the_49th_floor

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