Dan: It was the fourth second-round knockout recorded by the middle weight, who's next fight will be in June against Ramon Castilla at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Nevada; a city, I'm told, that recently legalized gambling.
Dana: Fill for 15 seconds.
Dan: Our producer, Dana Whitaker, is telling me to fill for 15 seconds, but I honestly don't have anything to say.
Dan: She's begging me now.
Dan: Now she seems pretty mad.
Dan: You'd all like her a lot if you met her.
Dana: You're a funny boy, Daniel.
Dan: And that was 15 seconds. Casey?
Casey: That does it for us. I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell. I'm off tomorrow but I'll be back on Friday. You've been watching Sports Night on CSC, see you later.
Dave: We're out.
Casey: So here's the thing.
Casey: I don't have to take tomorrow night off.
Dan: Yes you do.
Casey: I'm saying I could do the show with you tomorrow night.
Dan: I'm saying when your night off comes up in the rotation, you take the night off.
Casey: Yes, but I'm saying that I'm willing to waive that tradition and not take the night off.
Dan: No, what you were saying was that you're a big wuss who wants to get out of his date tomorrow night.
Casey: I don't believe I was saying that.
Dan: I believe you were.
Casey: And it's not a date.
Dan: I believe it is.
Casey: No, I'm saying it's not an actual date.
Dan: Right, and I'm saying you're a wuss.
Casey: Look, can we be men for a second?
Dan: Alright, but just a second.
Casey: I really don't want to go.
Dan: No kidding?
Casey: I really don't want to go out on a date, and there's no question that there's a way to look at this that makes it appear a lot like a date.
Casey: Plus it's a double-date, and it's a blind date, on top of which, let's not forget, it's a date, so there's about three different ways this thing is bad.
Dan: You're just a really big wuss.
Dan & Casey enter their office as the camera immediately pans to Dana & Isaac walking to Isaac's office
Dana: I'm just saying I don't have to take the night off.
Isaac: It's your night off.
Dana: It is my night off, but I don't have to take the night off.
Isaac: But then it wouldn't be your night off.
Dana: And I'm saying I'm okay with that.
Isaac: I thought you had plans with Gordon.
Dana: I did.
Isaac: You don't anymore?
Dana: No, but now Gordon fixed Casey up with a woman from his office and it's the four of us.
Isaac: What are you all doing?
Dana: We're going to see a modern dance concert at City Center and then we're having dinner.
Isaac: It'll be nice.
Dana: Casey hates modern dance.
Isaac: So do I.
Dana: But this is the Holly Dixon Dance Company. These were very hard tickets to get.
Isaac: I'm sure you'll all have a good time.
Dana: I would've had a good time. I would've had a wonderful time sitting with Gordon and watching the Holly Dixon Dance Company and then having some dinner, but I don't think I'll have a good time doing the same thing with Gordon, Casey, and blind-date-lawyer-woman.
Isaac: Does she like modern dance?
Dana: Who cares, Isaac?
Isaac: Certainly not me.
Dana: The point is I can work tomorrow night if you want.
Isaac: No, the point is you don't want to see Casey out with another woman.
Dana: Another woman?
Dana: Another woman other than whom?
Isaac: Can I please go home?
Dana: That is not true.
Isaac: I love my home.
Dana: You are wrong.
Isaac: Then enjoy the Holly Dixon people.
Dana: The Holly Dixon Dance Company, and I can't believe that you, of all people, have joined those who believe that I have anything but a friendly interest in Casey. I can't believe it.
Isaac: I can't believe I've been standing here talking to you this long.
Casey: Hey Isaac?
Isaac: I'm going home, Casey.
Casey: Yeah, I was just thinking, tomorrow midnight's the trade deadline.
Casey: There might be an eleventh hour trade.
Isaac: There won't be.
Casey: There might be.
Isaac: There won't be.
Casey: There could be.
Casey: Look, Natalie's running the room for the first time. If there's breaking news, I should be there.
Isaac: To do what?
Casey: The things I do.
Dana: Casey's right.
Casey: I am?
Dana: Yes. Except I'm the one who should stay. Because of the trade deadline. And because Casey won't be here.
Casey: I will be here.
Dana: You don't have to be here. I can be here.
Isaac: Is there any chance I can not be here?
Isaac: I talked to four people in the G.M.'s office including the G.M., they are not making the trade. Nothing's gonna happen at the eleventh hour. Natalie's show'll be simple. Both of you are off. Is there anything else?
Casey/Dana: The thing is that I can/I'm just saying since it's her first--
Isaac: Good. I'll see you both Friday.
Dana: You seemed awfully eager to bail on your date.
Casey: It's not a date.
Dana: It is a date. And it seems to me your reason for wanting to work tomorrow night has a lot to do with not wanting to see Gordon and me on a date.
Casey: It seems to me the reason you're practically tackling Isaac to the ground is that you don't want to see me on a date with anyone who isn't you.
Casey: I'm excited for this date.
Dana: No you're not.
Casey: Particularly the Hickory Dickory Dancers.
Dana: The Holly Dixon Dance Company, and don't think I don't know you're M.O.
Casey: I don't have an M.O.
Dana: Yes you do.
Casey: My M.O. is to experience lively conversation, fine dining, and some of the best interpretive dancing money can buy.
Dana: No, you think at some point in the evening you'll say something wonderful to me and I'll melt and that'll teach me for going out with Gordon instead of you.
Casey: I'll settle for you spilling something on yourself.
Dana: I'll see you tomorrow.
Casey: Yes you will.
Jeremy: Am I the only one who thought they were gonna make the trade?
Jeremy: I really thought they were gonna make the trade.
Natalie: And I was pretty certain they weren't.
Jeremy: I know.
Natalie: In fact I'm pretty sure I bet you five dollars they weren't gonna make the trade.
Jeremy: Yes I know.
Natalie: You took the position that they were gonna make the trade, and I was an advocate for the notion that they were not.
Jeremy: These are all things that I know.
Natalie: Do you know you owe me five dollars?
Jeremy: The trade deadline's midnight.
Natalie: I'm gonna want a crisp five dollar bill. Not some raggedy-ass thing from the newsstand.
Jeremy: Yeah, yeah.
Natalie: Bumpers in and out of ten, we'll tease Villanova for now but that might change. Elliot, where are we on time?
Elliot: We need a buck-fifty back.
Natalie: What can we cut?
Dan: Formula 1.
Natalie: That's good film. Let's bump Oksana Baiul.
Dan: Oksana Baiul?
Natalie: Lose her.
Dan: The Ukrainian Jewel, Oksana Baiul?
Dan: You can't bump Oksana Baiul.
Natalie: And yet look how I just did.
Jeremy: Back here at six.
Natalie: Will, Chris, Dave? I can count on you guys tonight.
Chris: Big night.
Dave: Natalie's runnin' the room.
Dan: Natalie, you got a sec?
Natalie: One second. Kim, should we hold off in the 40's?
Kim: Tampa Bay?
Natalie: Should we wait?
Kim: I'd wait 'till ten.
Natalie: Tell Elliot. (turns to Dan) How can I help? (they walk through the News Room, into the Studio)
Dan: First, let me say that this is an exciting night for you.
Dan: We're all very excited for you.
Dan: 'Cause it's exciting.
Natalie: What do you need, Dan?
Dan: Special night.
Natalie: It's no big deal.
Dan: It's a very big deal.
Natalie: What do you need?
Dan: You know I'd never question your choice of substitute anchor, right?
Dan: I mean it's your first time stepping in for Dana, these are your decisions tonight, I would never second-guess you, and I would certainly never question your choice of substitute anchor.
Natalie: So what's on your mind?
Dan: I question your choice of substitute anchor.
Natalie: Bobbi's fine.
Dan: She's better than fine.
Natalie: She's very good.
Dan: She's very, very good.
Natalie: So what's the problem?
Dan: There is no problem.
Natalie: It sounded like there was a problem.
Dan: I'm not spreading ill-will here. This should be clear. I'm not dropping a dime on anybody. Where I come from, you don't say things about people.
Natalie: You come from Connecticut.
Dan: That's right.
Natalie: You don't say things about people in Connecticut?
Dan: We do not.
Natalie: What's the problem?
Dan: Bobbi's a lunatic.
Dan: She's an off-the-charts lunatic.
Natalie: Why don't you like her?
Dan: I like her fine. Talented. Smart. Very professional.
Dan: Total nut bar.
Natalie: Got it.
Dan: She's convinced we slept together once and I never called her again.
Natalie: Did you?
Dan: Did I sleep with her?
Natalie: Did you call her?
Dan: I didn't sleep with her.
Natalie: Why does she think you did?
Dan: It's hard to say, but it could have a lot to do with the fact that she's psychotic.
Natalie: It's gonna be Bobbi. (starts to walk away)
Dan: It's your decision.
Natalie: Yes it is.
Dan: Very exciting!
Natalie: Thank you!
(Waiter sets a martini down on the table)
Dana: Actually I asked for an olive instead of a lemon twist. I hate to bother you, but I'll tell you why: I'm allergic to lemon twists. Not lemons themselves, just the peels. And not always. Just recently.
Gordon: That's my drink.
Dana: Are you allergic to lemon peels?
Dana: Then we're fine.
Waiter: I'll get some menus.
Casey: So I was telling Gordon that it's funny that you're name is Lisa, because my ex-wife's name was Lisa. In fact it still is. I was married to a woman named Lisa for a little over ten years, but now I'm not anymore.
Leesa: My name's "Leeza."
Casey: With a "z"?
Leesa: It's spelled with an "s".
Casey: But pronounced with an "z".
Casey: Interesting. My ex-wife spelled it with an "s". Pronounced it with an "s", the whole nine yards.
Dana: You know maybe Leesa doesn't want to hear all that much about Lisa.
Casey: I'm sorry.
Gordon: (lifts his glass) Well it's sure nice being out like this. Cheers.
Casey: So the name of this restaurant is Tony Anthony's. Anthony Anthony. In Cuba, Ricky Ricardo would've been Ricardo Ricardo. And Lucy would've been pronounced "Loozy".
Dana: Hey you know what might be fun? If you didn't talk for like, a minute and a half.
Casey: Well I definitely will if that means we can hear more about your citrus allergies.
Dana: Are you gonna let him talk to me like this?
Gordon: It would've been Ricardo Ricardo.
Dana: Thank you. (Casey's phone rings)
Dana: Is it Natalie? If it's Natalie let me speak to her right away. If it's anyone from the show, let me speak to them. Is it someone from the show?
Casey: I think I'm gonna have to answer the phone before I can say for sure.
Dana: Yes. Good. Answer the phone.
Casey: Thank you. Hello?
Dana: Is it Dan? If it's Dan I need to talk to him. No, that's silly, Natalie's got it under control. Is it Dan?
Dan: What's happenin'?
Casey: Dana's about to pull a hamstring, which is more than I could've hoped for during the Humpty
Dana: The Holly Dixon Dance Company and they were off their game tonight. Gimme the phone.
Casey: Ah, ah, ah...someone forgot the magic word?
Dana: Please. Would you please give me the phone?
Casey: No. Leesa would you excuse me for a second? I'm gonna take this over where it's quieter.
Dana: Gordon could I have your phone please?
Gordon: Honey, why don't you just relax tonight.
Dana: I am relaxed. It's just that it's five minutes to air, and I'm a little nervous for Natalie.
Gordon: I'm sure Natalie can handle it.
Dana: I'm sure she can. Can I have your phone?
Gordon: You need to let the show go once in a while.
Dana: Yes I do.
Gordon: You know I'm right.
Dana: You are right.
Gordon: Then let's just have a good time.
Dana: Let's do. But first, how 'bout you gimme the damn phone.
Gordon: Or I could just give you the phone.
Dana: Thanks pumpkin. I'm having a really good time. This is nice.
Man: Five minutes to air. Five minutes please.
Dan: I don't know, man, she's got the crazy eyes.
Casey: You shoulda called her.
Dan: I never slept with her.
Casey: You should've slept with her and then called her.
Dan: How's Lisa?
Casey: I'm having some trouble pronouncing her name.
Casey: It's Leeza.
Dan: With a "z"?
Dan: I don't understand.
Casey: Yeah, me neither. Hey, you know who looks good tonight? Dana.
Dan: How does Gordon look?
Casey: Have a good show.
Dana: Please understand that it's not that I don't think Natalie isn't capable. She's extremely capable. Her capability really can't be questioned. But Natalie's young and she's from a very small town in Ohio. A very small town. There were 32 people in her high school class. Her town was so small it's almost hard to believe she's kept me on hold this long.
Dave: Stand-by audio, stand by VTR.
Natalie: Elliot, get me F/X-4.
Elliot: Comin' to you.
Natalie: Thank you. Show me San Diego and preview 7.
Chris: Seven's up.
Will: San Diego on 2.
Kim: Dana's still on hold.
Natalie: (sits down in Dana's usual chair and picks up the phone) This is a comfortable chair.
Dana: You took your sweet time.
Natalie: Hey, could you put Casey on the phone for a second?
Natalie: Just for a second, then right back to you.
Dana: She wants to talk to you.
Casey: Hey, Nat.
Natalie: Keep her off the phone.
Casey: You bet.
Dana: Hey, hey!
Gordon: Thank you.
Casey: Hey what do you know about the fennel salad here?
Gordon: What do you need to know?
Casey: Well, like, for instance...what's fennel?
Dana: Excuse me. (walks towards the bar)
Leesa: Where's she going?
Gordon: She's going to tell the bartender to change the channel to the CSC.
Casey: You see, Leesa, unlike Dana, I'm able to enjoy a relaxing night out. What time do you have?
Leesa: It's about--
Casey: I mean the exact time! Don't gimme about.
Gordon: It's eleven o'clock.
Casey: Eat 'em up, Danny! (to Leesa) How ya doin.
Dan: Listen. Please. Listen to me. You're obviously mixing me up with someone else.
Bobbi: You know what, Dan? I'm a professional broadcaster and I have a broadcast to do. You got me at a time in my life when I was very vulnerable, but you'll be happy to know that I'm not that silly little girl anymore. No. Those days are over.
Dan: It wasn't me.
Bobbi: Let's not play these games.
Dave: In three...two...
Dan: Good evening, from New York City I'm Dan Rydell alongside Bobbi Bernstein sitting in for Casey McCall. Those stories plus, we'll take you to Talladega, Tallahassee and Tuscaloosa, where the ball had trouble finding the basket.
Bobbi: We'll take you to Salt Lake, Westlake and Westwood, where the team had trouble finding the bus. All that comin' up after this. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around.
Dave: We're out.
Kim: Two minutes back.
Elliot: I just talked to my guy at LAX.
Elliot: Are you ready for this?
Elliot: They weren't on the charter.
Natalie: Are you sure?
Natalie: I mean is he sure? The guy in LA.
Elliot: He says they weren't on the plane with the team.
Jeremy: Did I call it?
Natalie: Who else knows?
Elliot: I don't know.
Jeremy: She means the guy at the airport. Who else has him?
Jeremy: You trust him?
Natalie: Kim. The Breakfront Hotel in Vero Beach. Ask for housekeeping. When you get housekeeping, as for Angela. Tell Angela that Natalie Hurley would like her to go to Mr. McDermott's room to see if he'd like turn down service.
Kim: Do I wait?
Natalie: She'll call back.
Jeremy: Let's get this.
Natalie: Stand by five.
Dana: Nothing like a good shrimp cocktail. Shrimp cocktail is comfort food. Shrimp cocktail and a couple of vodka martinis.
Gordon: I'm glad you're starting to relax.
Dana: You're out of town covering a game, you're in a strange hotel, you know what you do?
Gordon: Order a shrimp cocktail?
Dana: You order a shrimp cocktail.
Gordon: Leesa, tell Casey about what that guy said this morning.
Dana: Casey's not paying attention.
Casey: Yes I am.
Dana: In your head, you were counting yourself back from the commercial.
Casey: No I wasn't.
Dana: You were counting yourself back from commercial in that big block head of yours.
Casey: Dana's a lot of fun, isn't she?
Dana: I, on the other hand, am relaxing and enjoying a shrimp cocktail.
Casey: Tell us the story.
Dana: It's just that there's this trade deadline.
Gordon: I know.
Dana: And there could be a last minute trade.
Gordon: There's not gonna be a last minute trade.
Dana: You're an expert all of a sudden?
Casey: Tell me the story about the guy.
Dana: Did I mention that the place where Natalie grew up is very small?
Natalie: Stevie, that's a slow ten. Kim, what do you got?
Kim: The housekeeping woman said there were five men in the room and she described them this way: (reading from notes) Tall, balding man with a mustache and slightly tinted glasses--
Jeremy: That's Marvin Kaufman.
Natalie: Who else?
Kim: Late 20's, tan, Pat Reilly hair.
Jeremy: Don't know.
Natalie: Who else?
Kim: Heavy set, beard--
Natalie: That's Rudin.
Jeremy: They're making the trade.
Bobbi: You know, Dan, it was Spain. I was young, and wide-eyed, and in Spain. And I don't mind so much that you took advantage of what was obviously a very vulnerable time in my life. I don't mind that you danced with me and held me and whispered your lies in my ear, but to not call me again...
Dan: In my entire life, I've never been to Spain.
Dan: Would you tell her that--
Natalie: We've got a situation.
Dan: What's goin' on?
Natalie: Elliot's contact at LAX says someone never got on the charter and Kaufman, Rudin and two other guys are sitting in McDermott's hotel room in Vero Beach.
Dan: Let's get it.
Natalie: Work the phones.
Dan: Who do you know with the Dodgers?
Bobbi: Flowers, I'm sure, would've been too much to ask from the great Dan Rydell.
Dan: Hey. Crazy Lady. We've got breaking news, are you up for this?
Bobbi: Sure Dan. Whatever you say. Women are just here for you.
Dave: In three...two...
Bobbi: Thank you Tracy Heller. We'll be going back to the Garden later in the show, but first--
Bobbi: --a little trip to Cameron Indoor Stadium, where the Duke Blue Devils played host to their cross-town rivals. The University of North Carolina Tar Heels, coming off the win against LSU, had their sights set on--
Dana: She's going fine.
Casey: Yes she is.
Dana: The fill-in's doin' fine.
Casey: I agree.
Dana: Then why did you say what you said?
Casey: What did I say?
Dana: You said she's doing fine.
Casey: You said she's doing fine.
Dana: What'd you say?
Casey: I said "Yes she is".
Dana: And what'd you mean by that?
Casey: I meant she's doing fine.
Leesa: Listen, I don't know you two very well, and maybe it's because you're drunk, but I think you're unnecessarily intense about your show. Gordon's right. It's just sports, for cryin' out loud, it's not the Paris Peace Talks.
Dana: Eh, get yourself a real name.
Casey: (to TV) Nice!
Elliot: We just want you to confirm or deny.
Isaac: We're not gonna make it.
Elliot: We don't want to use your name, can we just say "confirmed" is what I'm asking.
Natalie: Chris, gimme a preview of 66 and 70.
Isaac: You need 68.
Dave: Stand by 60.
Chris You want 68?
Natalie: Just 66 and 70.
Isaac: And 68.
Chris: 68's coming.
Natalie: I don't need 68.
Isaac: You need 68.
Natalie: No I don't.
Isaac: Chris, show her 68.
Natalie: Chris, preview 66 and 70. Isaac, please stay quiet.
Isaac: Please stay quiet?
Natalie: We blew off 68 in the ten o'clock run down, now please stay quiet.
Dave: Go 60.
Isaac: May I ask why?
Natalie: Not right now you can't. Right now you can fire me or stay quiet.
Isaac: You're very good.
Elliot: He won't comment, but it's happening.
Jeremy: You let him up off the mat.
Elliot: He wouldn't comment.
Jeremy: You let him up off the mat, Elliot. Dammit! This guy's calling Vero Beach right now and everyone in Florida's gonna shut the hell up.
Natalie: Cool it, Jeremy.
Jeremy: That is, until they can feed it to anyone who works for Rupert Murdoch.
Natalie: Cool it.
Jeremy: That was a blown phone call.
Natalie: And I said cool it! Elliot, you feel okay saying "unconfirmed reports"?
Jeremy: Natalie, you can't run any report. You've got a baggage handler and a chamber maid. No one's saying this is happening.
Natalie: You want to leave the room?
Natalie: Then allow for the possibility that from time to time, other people might be at least as smart as you are. Isaac?
Natalie: "Unconfirmed reports" and I call McDermott?
Natalie: Get me the hotel.
Jeremy: Sorry about that.
Jeremy: Elliot, we don't even have unconfirmed reports.
Elliot: McDermott doesn't know that.
Natalie: (into mic) Dan? Listen.
Dan: Sources inside the Dodger organisation?
Natalie: Say "Sources in the General Manager's office".
Dan: Are you sure you wanna do this?
Natalie: Talk to me.
Dan: Do it.
Kim: You've got the hotel.
Dave: 15 seconds back.
Natalie: Mr. McDermott, this is Natalie Hurley over at Sports Night and I'm very sorry to bother you this
late, but we've got two people from your office who say you're about to close a seven player trade. Well you don't have to take my word for it, sir, you can turn on your television set right now.
Dave: In three, two--
Dan: Welcome back, we have an unconfirmed report involving the Los Angeles Dodgers and a seismic seven player, eleventh-hour deal.
Leesa: I think it was a good idea that we stepped over to the bar for a drink.
Leesa: The environment was getting hostile.
Casey: And I really haven't been a very good date.
Leesa: No you haven't.
Casey: But we have the whole rest of the night, and I think I can make a comeback.
Leesa: Well okay then.
Casey: Can I just ask one question?
Casey: Did he just say something about unconfirmed reports of a trade?
Dana: Have you noticed how I haven't looked at the television in a while?
Gordon: Yes I have.
Dana: I've been rotten tonight.
Gordon: Yes you have.
Dana: I'm not the world's greatest girlfriend, am I?
Gordon: There's some room for improvement.
Dana: That actually wasn't the response I was hoping for.
Gordon: Look, Dana, I don't know if--
Casey: Unconfirmed reports out of Vero Beach.
Dana: Excuse me.
Dana: I'll be right back.
(Dana and Casey walk to the bar)
Bobbi: My only question for you Dan is why?
Dan: Oh for God's sake.
Bobbi: Is it so hard for you to be with a woman who's your equal?
Dan: I didn't sleep with you! If I'd have slept with you I'd have called you. If I'd slept with you, you'd know it! If I'd have slept with you, I'd know it!
Natalie: (hangs up phone) Confirmed.
Jeremy: You're kidding.
Natalie: (into mic) Danny?
Dan: Fantastic. Way to go Natalie.
Bobbi: Are you sleeping with Natalie?
Dan: Would you shut up.
Dave: In three, two--
Dan: The Lady Tigers have won seven in a row at home and ten of their last twelve. The unconfirmed reports from the Dodger camp have now been confirmed, and CSC is now reporting that--
Dan: (ON TV) --a seven player trade, including three All-Stars, has beaten the trade deadline by a scant four minutes. For more, let's go to Kelly Kirkpatrick in Atlanta. Kelly?
Dana: She did it.
Casey: Yeah. What was Gordon about to say?
Casey: What was Gordon about to say?
Casey: Just now.
Casey: You look really nice tonight, Dana. (picks up his phone, dials a number and hands it to Dana)
Dana: Thank you. Hey girl. Look what you did.
Natalie: How's dinner.
Dana: Casey doesn't like fennel salad.
Natalie: So Dana? What do I do at the end of this thing?
Dana: Take a bow, Natalie.
Natalie: You think?
Natalie: (hangs up and talks into mic) Tag it, Dan.
Dan: ...Their combined contracts make for a total package in excess of 120 million dollars. That was a CSC exclusive--and you've been watching Sports Night. I'm Dan Rydell alongside Bobbi Bernstein, that's all for us, have a good night.
Dave: We are out.
Natalie: Nice show everybody. Way to go. (everyone claps, cheers)
Dan: Natalie, there's beer for you in my office right now.
Isaac: This woman gets scotch in my office.
Natalie: I'll be right there, guys. (people exit)
Bobbi: You see. And that is what is so cruel. To lift a woman's spirits and then dash them to the ground.
Dan: Well it's the only way I can get them to my laboratory.
(Natalie and Jeremy are the only two in the control room)
Jeremy: You're good, Natalie.
Jeremy: I'm sorry.
Natalie: What'd you think I was around here, Jeremy, some Gal Friday?
Jeremy: No. I just didn't know you were that good.
Natalie: (reaches for her wallet and takes out some money) Well... you were right about the trade. (places the money in his pocket and pulls him in for a kiss) Go log the floor manager's report and then come have a drink.
Jeremy: You bet.
Natalie takes a moment to look around the Control Room before having a mini celebration on her own.