Man: Studio A, this is Master Control, you're up on Router 7, have a good show.
Dana: Will, show me Denver.
Natalie: And I need 15 points of sound on Kansas City.
Will: Denver's up
Dana: Yes, it is. Give me Green Bay.
Guy: Stand by audio, stand by VTR
Will: Georgia Dome's hot.
Kim: You're hot, Atlanta.
Chris: Somebody? Arrowhead then back to Mile High, is that how it goes?
Elliot: We're live here in 60 seconds
Chris: Somebody? Anybody?
Kim: What do you need?
Chris: Does Arrowhead...
Kim: Arrowhead bounces to Mile High
Chris: Thank you.
Guy: Why'd you change that?
Dana: Just to mess with your head. Get me Judy at Oakland-Alameda.
Dan: When you get right down to it, what i'm saying is this, Case: I think you should start getting out of your house.
Woman: Dan, we're going to Arrowhead first then to Denver.
Dan: Got it. (to Casey) Just out of your house.
Casey: I am out of my house. I've been out of my house for 6 months. I don't live at my house.
Man: 30 seconds to tape, we're coming to the studio in 90 seconds.
Isaac: Good evening.
Dana: Isaac Jaffey's in the house Natalie.
Dana: We can make a feed on 43. Just make sure the guys have the change. (snaps fingers)
Natalie: (yelling into mic) Casey, did you get the change on Arrowhead and Denver?
Casey: Natalie... if you shout into a microphone when I'm wearing an earpiece it poses the question, "Is there a decibel level where the human head will just, you know, EXPLODE?
Isaac: Is he in a better mood then he was this morning or is this going to be another crappy show?
Dana: (in mic) Hey Casey, Isaac wants to know if you're in a better mood...
Casey: Shut up.
Dana: Pretty crappy, yeah.
Man: Roll tape.
Dana: Good show everybody.
Dan's voice from tape: Tonight on Sports Night, we'll show you what comes up...
Man: Dan, Casey, we're on you in 60 seconds.
Dan: Uh, excuse me?
Dana: Dan's got his hand raised.
Dan: Why are we quoting high-level sources inside the Swiss Olympic committee on Helsinki's bid for the 2010 Olympics?
Dana: What's the problem?
Dan: Helsinki is in Finland.
Dan: Yeah. Don't worry. I got it.
Dana: Are you sure?
Dan: Am I sure that Helsinki is in Finland? Yeah. I'm quite sure.
Will: I thought it was in Sweden.
Chris: It says 'unnamed Swiss Olympic Officals.'
Natalie: Graphics! Which is it Sweden or Switzerland?
Casey: It's in Finland.
Natalie: Elliot! Get something up on the 'net.
Elliot: What do you need?
Natalie: We think Helsinki might be in Finland.
Dan: Yeah, we think there's a pretty good chance
Man: Coming live in 15.
Dana: We'll change it on the teleprompter.
Dan: Cool. (to Casey) So we can go out after the show, you can stay at my place. Whatever you need, whatever you need.
Casey: I'm getting a divorce. I don't need a cruise director.
Dan: Right. My foul. (mumbles) Forget I said anything.
Man: In 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
Dan: Good evening everybody, from New York City, I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall. Those stories and more, plus, we'll take you live to the locker room at Arrowhead.
Casey: All that coming up after this. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around.
Man: We're out. Up in 60.
Elliot: Yeah. In Finland. The national bird is the Whooping Swan.
Dan & Casey: Thank you.
Dan: Colombia 34, Colgate 3. Who owes me money? Thank you.
Casey: Hey, Jason Grisham got arrested in a strip bar in Houston last night.
Dan: It was only a matter of time.
Casey: Kim and Elliot are on it.
Dan: Kim, Elliot... Jason Grisham. What's up?
Kim: He shot 12 for 15 from the field and then he went to the Silver Key. It's a nude nightclub.
Elliot: Topless only.
Kim: A guy called him something he didn't like and Grisham hit him with a bottle of Cognac.
Elliot: It was brandy.
Kim: It was Cognac.
Elliot: It was Courvasier
Kim: Courvasier is Cognac.
Dan: You get me the lawyer, you get me the agent, then get us Jason Grisham on the phone.
Kim: We can't get Grisham on the phone
Dan: Yes you can.
Elliot: We're trying!
Dan: Try harder!
Dan & Casey's office
Casey: 32 points. It was a career high and then he sends a guy to the hospital with 14 stitches. Can you imagine if he'd had a lousy game?
Dan: You come in early?
Casey: I came in early.
Dan: Did you sleep in the office?
Casey: I came in early.
Dan: You came in yesterday.
Dan: Have I told you about my New York Renaissance?
Casey: Yeah, a lot. You've told me about your New York Renaissance a lot.
Natalie: (enters) Last night's show. What's up?
Dan: Jason Grisham's free on bail, Casey slept in his office and I am having a New York Renaissance.
Natalie: Cool. Rundown's in five minutes. (exits)
Isaac: I think the show's going to hell in a handbasket and i'm ready to fire the whole bunch of you.
Dana: Yes, but you won't, 'cause we're all like family here and I'm very much like a daughter to you.
Isaac: No. This is a television show here and you're very much like an employee to me.
Dana: I gotta give Casey some slack, Isaac.
Dana: Why do I have to give him some slack?
Isaac: That's the question. If you can't tell me, I can't tell the network.
Isaac: What, is there something going on between the two of you?
Dana: Absolutely not.
Isaac: Then why?
Dana: Because I owe it to him, that's why. We all do. He's having some personal problems...
Isaac: Oh, I know all about his problems. You know, the network knows about his problems too, as a result of which they become my problems, and I'm saying at the very most, I want them to be your problems.
Dana: Got it.
Isaac: Do you?
Dan: It's a genuine renaissance Casey. I have lived in New York my whole life. This is the time I should be sick of it, but I'm not.
Casey: Because you're having a renaissance?
Dan: That's right!
Casey: Nobody cares.
Isaac: So how do we avoid these Helsinki mishaps in the future?
Dana: We've been short handed since Phil and Michael left.
Isaac: Well, hire somebody.
Dana: Natalie's been interviewing some people for an Associate Producer position, and I'm meeting her finalist this afternoon.
Natalie: You guys, he is so totally cute. And intense. With a dark mystery about him that says 'This is not a technician, this is an artist.'
Isaac: Well, before you hire him can you make sure he can find Finland on a map?
Dana: You know Isaac? Maybe let that go.
Dan: The metropolitan opera under the baton of Mr. James Levine.
Isaac: What is he talking about?
Casey: His New York renaissance.
Dan: Wanna hear about it?
Dana: Good. Quickly now, talk to me. 7 through 17, we got the whiparound with what?
Dan: Lambeau, 3com and Foxboro. Casey's got Tampa Bay and the mighty Bengals of Cincinatti.
Dana: What's in Cincinatti?
Dan: Well the mighty Bengals, for one thing.
Casey: They're gonna cut Santori.
Natalie: The placekicker?
Casey: He's made 8 field goal attempts in the last three games and has connected on a grand total of none of them.
Elliot: I've met him. He's a good guy.
Casey: Can't kick.
Natalie: He is a good guy.
Casey: He can't kick.
Natalie: He'll get picked up by another team.
Casey: No he won't. You know why?
Casey: Cuz he can't kick.
Dana: Alright, commercial one. Then on to the dugout report.
Elliot: I saw him kick in practice.
Casey: At this level, they pretty much want you to be able to kick in a game.
Dana: Moving on, from center ice...
Kim: I once kicked a 12 yard field goal in gym class.
Dan: Well then you should get yourself a tryout for the mighty Bengals of Cincinatti.
Dana: Excuse me, if anyone needs me, I'll be hurling myself out the window.
Dan: Plaza Hotel, Oak Bar, dry martini, New York at night my friend, this city never sleeps.
Dana: Commercial two, then on to segment 24....
JJ: Actually I'd like to go back to 23 if nobody minds...
Dana: Any chance we can do that a little later, I want to move this along.
JJ: The network would like me to address this now.
Dan: JJ, Dana's the producer, we like to giver the impression that she's in charge.
Dana: It's just that we're a little short on time. Segment 24...
JJ: I have some concerns with segment 23.
Casey: Is this you or the network?
JJ: In these meetings, Casey, mine is the voice of the network.
Casey: Wow, JJ.
Dana: What are your concerns?
JJ: Who is Ntzoke Nelson? and why are you doing a 3 minute and 20 second feature on him?
Natalie: Ntzoke Nelson's a South African distance runner. 15,000 meters. As a schoolteacher in Jamestown, he led protests against the white majority.
JJ: That's swell, but folks, I have...
JJ: Uh, I...
Natalie: AH! He was beaten up and thrown in jail. Both of his legs were broken and the doctor said he'd never walk without a cane. He's 41 years old and guess what he's doing tonight?
JJ: It doesn't matter because i've already changed the channel.
Dana: He's running the the World Pacific Games, an event his network is carrying live tonight at 9. The Ntzoke Nelson feature is promoting...
JJ: Look, I'm all for you guys spotlighting our other programming. But can't we find a good looking, 22 year old American, who might actually win?
Dana: Well, if you find him send him over to my place, but in the mean time...
JJ: Look, I have a ratings book on my desk that's very instructive. Now it says that our key demographics, including 11 to 17 year olds who watch our morning rerun over breakfast, do not want to see features on 41 year old, politically oppressed third world distance runners. Now they are instructing us, and I think it's a good idea to listen.
Casey: I've got Jason Grisham on the phone. JJ? Danny and I have hosted shows in the fifth and third largest markets in this country and we have received awards for journalistic excellence. I prefer not to take my instructions from 11 year olds. And the next time you sit in one of our meetings and I hear the voice of the network come out of your mouth, I'm gonna put my foot on your throat. (exits)
Dan: (to JJ) You ever ride the subway all day long? I mean, just for the fun of it?
JJ: Natalie, Kim, Elliot, everybody else... you want to step outside as well, please?
Dana: Go ahead. (Everyone exits) I would like to apologize for Casey's performace during these meetings.
JJ: Dana, I am not concerned about Casey's performance during these meetings lately.
Dana: Well, I appreciate your understand.
JJ: I am concered with Casey's performance on the air lately.
Dan: What's your point?
JJ: My point is: at the moment, Casey has less on air charm and charisma then my high school driving instructor. And you know it Danny. Now I think that the time has come, for you to think about the possibility of another partner.
Dan: I'm not gonna do the show with your high school driving instructor, JJ, if that's what you're asking me, okay?
JJ: Who will you do the show with?
Dan: I'll do the show with Casey.
JJ: You have a very big future on this network.
Dan: My future is writing and anchoring a sports show with my partner, Casey McCall. Now if it's here, it's here. If it's not, it is someplace else. For now i'm going to forget this conversation ever took place. (gets up to leave) Dana, Isaac? You guys need me?
Dana:no thanks dan, you're done. (dan leaves)
Isaac: I really gotta admire the way you manhandled my staff this morning, JJ.
JJ: Look, Isaac, I have a specific....
Isaac: Look. Don't take me on.
JJ: The network's not gonna wait forever. (exits)
Isaac: It's your call Dana. But pretty soon, it's gonna be my call. Cuz here's the thing: I can't let it be their call. (exits)
Dana: They can put a Tonka truck on Mars and send me pictures, but I can't get a decent satellite picture from Buenew Aires.
Jeremy: Excuse me, ma'am? That's probably because of a high pressure system building up around 32 degrees south latitude. It'll blow by in two hours.
Dana: There's weather in outer space?
Jeremy: Uh no, ma'am. But I think you're leasing time on the East Tech Keyhole satellite and their signal gets cleared through a tracking station in Mexico City.
Dana: Yeah, but the point i'm making is that I can't... who-who-who is this?
Jeremy: (jumps up to shake her hand) I'm Jeremy Goodwin.
Dana: Oh you're here for the associate producer job.
Jeremy: Yes, and let me just say it is an extraordinary honor even to be asked...
Dana: I'm not ready for you yet.
Jeremy: I'll sit right here.
Dana: 23 degrees latitude.
Jeremy: South latitude.
Dana: Ah. I get them mixed up.
Jeremy: Common mistake.
Dan & Casey's office
Casey: Listen, I need you to take 30 seconds of the NFL injury report and give it to me on the intro for ACC recruiting violations.
Dana: You're screwing up my show, Casey.
Casey: Keep the 30 seconds.
Dana: That's not what I mean.
Casey: I know. I was joking.
Dana: I know you were joking.
Casey: Yeah I could tell by the way you didn't laugh at all when i said it.
Dana: That's cuz I'm mad at you and also it wasn't that funny.
Casey: Dana, did you come in here to give me a pep talk? Cuz if you came in here to give me a pep talk can we just assume that it already happened and that it worked and that i'm peppy? (gets up)
Dana: Casey, sit down. (sits). Now I know that you think that there are 250 other people in this business....
Casey: (talking over her) No I don't think that there are 250 other people...
Dana: ...who can produce this show, yes you do!
Casey: ...who can produce this show.
Dana: And whether you're right and whether you're wrong, I'm the one who has the job and I love it. I love producing Sports Night. I live from 11 to midnight and the rush is so huge that i don't come down until 3 o'clock in the morning. I love doing Sports Night and you used to too. Now, I came in to tell you that it looks like Cleveland's gonna go to a four man rotation for the stretch drive, I came in to tell you that it looks like segments 16 through 21 might have to get condensced for a possible story coming out of South Bend...but mostly I came in to tell you: you are screwing up my show. (exits) Natalie!
Dana: Let's meet with your guy.
Natalie: Jeremy, this is Dana Whitaker.
Dana: We've met.
Dana: You have an impressive resume, let me ask you some questions.
Natalie: You look nervous.
Jeremy: I'm okay.
Natalie: Would you like a glass of water?
Jeremy: No thank you.
Natalie: A soft drink? We have Fresca...
Dana: If you're taking orders I'll have the angel-hair pasta and a nice merlot.
Natalie: I'm just...
Dana: (talking over each other) I know, can we interview the man?
Natalie: I'm just trying to make him comfortable.
Dana: A little professionalism is all I'm saying.
Jeremy: (getting up) I could come back later.
Dana: What are your favorite sports?
Jeremy: (sits down) Beg your pardon.
Dana: Where are you strongest?
Jeremy: Oh, football.
Dana: Let's talk about basketball.
Jeremy: I said football.
Dana: I heard you. Let's talk about basketball.
Jeremy: We could talk about baseball or hockey.
Dana: Oh you're pretty strong in baseball and hockey, are ya?
Jeremy: Not as strong as football, but...
Dana: Good. Let's talk about the Knicks.
Jeremy: I walked right into that one didnt I.
Dana: Well, I left the door wide open for you.
Natalie: Shot of bourbon?
Dana: Sit. (Natalie sits) I'm sorry. That was harsh i hurt your feelings. (to jeremy) name three things the Knicks need to do this season to make it to finals.
Jeremy: I couldn't get a another question?
Dana: You will, but not until I hear an answer to the first one.
Jeremy: What do the Knicks.... (starts rubbing eyes)
Dana: Three things the Knicks need to do to contend.
Jeremy: Miss Whitaker, I would be great at this job. You gotta believe me when I say I've been training my whole life for it. I've crunched stats, I've broken down film, and there wasn't a team at my high school that didn't have me as an equipment manager. I have read every box score in every newspaper that's printed in English and has a sports section, and I have seen Sports Night every night since your first broadcast: two years, two months and a week ago today. Now yes. Sure. Indeed. I can tell you what Ewing and Oakley are shooting from the field. And that you're not gonna stop John Starks if he squares up to the basket and put any defensive pressure on Charlie Ward, he's gonna fold like a cheap card table. But if you're asking me for genuinely sophisticated analyses -- and I sense that you are! -- you gotta give me some time. At least 20 minutes. Did that make any sense?
Dana: I wasn't really listening.
Jeremy: Oh GOD! I...
Dana: Jeremy, Jeremy, this is television. Things happen. If you wanna work here, you gotta not spontaneously wig out.
Natalie: Not 'till an hour before air time.
Jeremy: Right. Right. The Knicks.
Dana: (in mocking voice) Name three things
Jeremy: Improve their free throw percentage...
Jeremy: Run the floor.
Dana: Okay. One more.
Jeremy: (pause) Tell Spike Lee to sit down and shut up?
Natalie: (jumping out of chair) Excellent!
Dana: Well, welcome to Sports Night. (leaves)
Dan: (reading through script) Dale Earnhardt, Jeff Gordan and Rusty Wallace were just a few of the big name racers that Nascar had on hand yesterday at the Darlington Motor Speedway...
Casey: Yesterday? Speedway?
Dan: What's the problem?
Casey: You don't want the rhyme. Gotta move yesterday to the second sentence.
Dan: '..just a few of the big name drivers Nascar had on hand at the Darlington Motor Speedway. The press event, held yesterday, was to announce that...
Casey: Hey, we have to talk.
Dan: What's up?
Casey: Well, I've been thinking about this for awhile. I mean, I want you to know that I've given this some thought.
Dan: Oh I think yesterday has to go in the first sentence and I'll tell you why...
Casey: I've been thinking about leaving the show.
Dan: For how long?
Casey: I've been thinking about it for awhile now.
Dan: No I didn't ask how long you'd been thinking about leaving the show, I was asking how long you were thinking of leaving the show for.
Casey: For good.
Dan: You get an offer?
Casey: No, I didn't get another offer Danny, I'm not doing another show. I'm thinking about getting out of sports.
Casey: Look, I'm just tired of it all right?
Dan: Tired of what?
Casey: (reading from script) "But first this-- Sacramento power forward Jason Grisham was released by a judge this morning after posting a $5,000 bond." Which by the way he paid in cash he happned to have in his pocket.
Dan: So Jason Grisham's a jackass. You know Jason Grisham.
Casey: Look, I got into this because people like sports. And I've turned inot a P.R. man for punks and thugs. Now any atrocity, no matter how ridiculous or hideous or childish, it doesn't matter, I make it sports. Ten cent bag man whacks a skater's leg with a crow bar, that's sports. Second round draft pick gets cranky in a Houston bar and that's sports. And let's not forget the mother of all great sports stories: a double homicide in Brentwood.
Dan: If you wanna talk, I'm all for it. Really. I am. But let's talk about what you really need to talk about, okay? The moral decay in American sports isn't the problem here, all right?
Casey: It is the problem! Look --- I have a 7 year old son that I get to see on Wednesday and alternate weekends, and these are his heroes. And now six days a week they're also his male role models.
Dan: Well, quitting your job outta do the trick.
Casey: Look, Danny I know i'm leaving you in the lurch...
Dan: No, I mean it. You should definitely quit your job because that way sports will be good again. And your wife, she'll take you back and you can be a role model for your son! Knowing as we do how women and children admire the bitter and unemployed. Are you mental?
Casey: I'll see you at airtime. (gets up to leave)
Dan: Yeah one thing you definitely don't want to do is talk to your friends. You wouldn't wanna do that.
Casey: Hey I know you're pissed and that's fine but canning the sarcasm wouldn't be out of line.
Dan: Fine and Line rhyme. I'd move fine to the second sentence.
Casey: Danny, you're gonna find another partner. Anyone would kill to do this show with you.
Dan: I've been here every day Casey. Every day. And I have kept my mouth shut because that's what you asked me to do. But if you'd asked me, I would've told you that Lisa is an angry, unhappy, punishing woman and in 10 years there has never been a single moment that has suggested to me that she has any affection for you at all. And I have no patience for people like that. Now the people here, they like you. Isaac, Natalie, Kim, Elliot. I don't know who this new guy Jeremy is, but he seems to like you just fine. Have you even noticed that Dana's been keeping JJ and the network away from you with whip and a chair? Huh? Have you noticed that she's been risking her job for you every day? And do you really think, my friend, it has that much to do with your talent? These are people who like you...
Kim: (running in from the hall) Guys!
Dan: ...and know what you have been going through and for three months now...
Dan: ... you have shown us nothing but that back of your hand. And now you're gonna show us the door? Well excuse me, all right, but the wisdom of your decision isn't entirely clear to me here.
Kim: Excuse me, fellas.
Dan: Yeah I'm pissed and you know what? I'm tired of it.
Kim: Dan! Casey!
Kim: There's something going on you're gonna wanna see. Come on! (runs out)
Casey: Hey, hey what's going on?
Dana: Check it out.
Dan: Oh, we need audio!
Casey: That time can't be right. Danny, Danny, can that time be right?
Man on TV: Absolutely crazy. With 900 meters left, this 41 year old Ntozake Nelson is on a pace to absolutely shatter the world record!
Isaac: Go ahead on, old man.
Casey: Is he gonna do this?
Dan: Does it look like he's planning on slowing down?
Casey: (finds phone and makes call) Lisa! Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, it's me. I need you to do something for me, I'm sorry. I need you to wake up Charlie and give him the phone for a second. Because I need you to! Charlie! It's Dad. Hey, did you finish all your homework? Good. Now turn on your TV. Turn on to my channel. I want you to watch this. This guy's name is Ntzoke Nelson. I'll call you tomorrow and I'll tell you all about it, but for now you just watch him run. 'Cause he's not doing much, he's just running faster than any man's ever run before. I'm gonna be on the air in about 12 minutes, and if Mom says it's okay, you can watch the beginning of the show. And then I'm gonna give you the special signal and that means you have to turn off your TV and go to sleep. I love you too, Charlie.
Dana: Listen up, they're going to bounce to us for 15 second promo at the end of the race. Natalie get the first team in the studio.
Natalie: Kim, Elliot, let's go.
Elliot: I need graphics!
Natalie: We need Casey.
Woman: Okay, got it.
Isaac: I'll take care of him. (to Casey) You okay?
Isaac: Get to work.
Dana: It's a 15 second teaser. Dan, you need copy?
Dan: Is the opening Lakers-Sonics?
Dana: Lakers-Sonics Pistons-Heat...
Casey: I'll take it.
Dan: You want it?
Casey: It's not that my teasers are better than yours, Danny, it's that yours are vastly inferior to mine.
Jeremy: I'm new here so if i'm in your way just let me know. (misses chair as tries to sit) No problem.
Casey: You were right. I was wrong. It won't happen again.
Man: 15 seconds
Casey: Wanna do something tonight after the show?
Dan: Yeah, you know. I was gonna ride the Staten Island Ferry for awhile. Have a hot dog. You wanna come?
Casey: Yeah, absolutely and I'll tell ya why. Because it's 17 degrees outside with the windchill, so what I wanna do is stand on a boat in the middle of New York harbor past midnight.
Dan: You have a better idea?
Casey: Well, we could go to bar, find some people we don't like and beat the crap out of them. (high five)
Dan: Heads up.
Man: In 3... 2... 1...
Casey: I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell. Lakers-Sonics Pistons-Heat. And guess what? Ntozake Nelson's got something to say about a world record. Seeing is believing....
Dana: He's back.
Casey:... coming at the top of the hour. You'll be glad you did.
Man: We're out.
Natalie: We're up in 9 minutes.
Casey: Dana, could you come here for a second?
Chris: Do you have any idea how to spell Ntozake? (Will shakes head)
Dana: What do you want?
Casey: I want you to come here.
Casey: (kisses her cheek) No one can produce this show but you. (hugs Dana)
Dana: (wipes cheek) You... have nine minutes. Somebody get him a new shirt.
Casey: What's wrong with my shirt?
Dana: You got my mascara on your collar. Natalie?
Dana: Get somebody on the phone I want to make sure there aren't going to be any mistakes. I'm nervous about the satelitte feed from Buenos Aires.
Natalie: All right.
Dana: Natalie! Double check that.
Casey: You know what, here's something I don't understand about rugby.
Dan: Oh, you do understand something about rugby?
Casey: I played rugby all right? Now I want to ask you a question..
Dan: Wait, wait... when have you played rugby?
Casey: When I was in college. I played.... co-ed rugby.
Dan: You did not play rugby.
Casey: I did play rugby. Now I want to ask you a question....