blonde high heeled feminist (notashamed) wrote in sntranscripts,
blonde high heeled feminist
notashamed
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Season 2: Episode 4: Kafelnikov

Anthony's
Dan is sitting at the bar with a yet unintroduced woman
DAN The thing is, when you don't have much of a family life growing up -- that's the wrong way of putting it -- the things you need, that anyone needs -- what happens is you become someone who relies on the love of three or four million total strangers watching you on television.
ABBY What happens when they go away?
DAN Well, you try to avoid that.
ABBY Ok.
DAN Listen--
ABBY Ah, I gotta go.
DAN Really?
ABBY Yeah, the guy I came with looks like he's ready to go.
DAN I'm Dan Rydell, by the way.
ABBY I know who you are.
DAN Thanks.
ABBY Did I just give you a compliment?
DAN I just assumed.
ABBY Abby Jacobs, and this is my card. You should call me, Dan.
DAN Yeah?
ABBY Yeah. Call me.

Dana & Casey are sitting at a table with a crossword puzzle
DANA "Menlo Park monogram," three letters.
CASEY T.A.E.
DANA Thank you. Uh, five letters, "kindergarten adhesive."
CASEY Paste.
DANA Thank you.
CASEY So, what about this?
DANA What?
CASEY Right here, right now.
DANA What about it?
CASEY Wouldn't this be considered a date?
DANA No.
CASEY Why?
DANA Because you and I aren't allowed to date until you've dated other people for six months.
CASEY Yeah, but those are just rules that you made up.
DANA "Tabby's tempter."
CASEY Catnip.
DANA Thank you.
CASEY My point is that if an outside observer were to happen into this bar -- a loner, maybe -- this guy--
DANA The loner.
CASEY If this shivering loner were to look in this direction, he would assume he two of us are on a date.
DANA He'd be wrong.
CASEY Mnh--mnh. The loner's a fairly bright guy who's known for his smarts.
DANA Casey?
CASEY Yes?
DANA The longer you wait, the longer...you wait. You know what I'm saying?
CASEY Start dating other women.
DANA Yes. "Yikes," 15 letters.
CASEY What's the clue?
DANA The clue is "yikes." (Natalie and Jeremy join Casey and Dana at their table.)
JEREMY Good evening, I am victorious.
NATALIE He is.
CASEY Jeepers creepers.
DANA Ha! Fits.
CASEY Yes.
JEREMY I am victorious and...basically, that's all I had to say. "I am victorious."
DANA Excellent.
NATALIE Jeremy fixed the K-Y thing.
JEREMY Y2K.
DANA Jeremy.
JEREMY We're all set.
DANA We're bringing in a professional. We're bringing in a Y2K manager.
JEREMY No need to--
DANA Jeremy--
JEREMY --We're all set.
DANA Jeremy, the whole show runs on computers. Our entire organization runs on computers.
JEREMY Yes.
DANA What have you done?
JEREMY I've done nothing less than face down the millennium and show it who's in charge.
DANA Well, did you use a manual or something?
JEREMY Dana, this is my area.
NATALIE It's true.
DANA You know, just 'cause you're a nerd doesn't mean--
JEREMY We will run a test.
NATALIE Listen to this.
DANA What kind of test?
NATALIE A K-Y test.
JEREMY Y2K.
DANA We don't have a lot of time--
JEREMY A quick test. Tomorrow night at 6:00, I'll recalibrate the computers to believe that it is January 1, 2000, and you'll see that we're Y2K-compatible and that I am facing the future as the servant of no master. And you'll also take back that "nerd" thing.
DANA 6:00 tomorrow night?
JEREMY Yes, indeed.
DANA Ok.
JEREMY Natalie, a shot and a beer.
NATALIE Ok.
JEREMY Or, if they have Mountain Dew. (They leave in search of drinks.)
DANA "Give the slip," five letters.
CASEY Elude.
DANA I finished the crossword.

*C-break*

News Room
JEREMY Here we go, folks, 6:00. Anybody who wants to see this is more than welcome. There's plenty of room in there. Ok, wish me luck. Here I go.

Studio/Control Room
DAN I talked to her all night.
CASEY You talked to her for 20 minutes.
DAN It was quite a while.
KIM Guys, let's sit down and get started.
CASEY (sits down and his chair sinks until only his head is visible) This Y2K thing is serious, man.

DANA What's that thing next to Dan?
NATALIE It's the top of Casey's head.
DANA Can we get him a new chair, please?
CHRIS Stand by one through five.
WILL Stand by five.
DAVE Sports Night's at ready-one. We are live in 30 seconds.
DANA Whoa, whoa, whoa.
DAVE What?
DANA I just want to make sure that's not actually true.
NATALIE No.
DANA So there's not way we're broadcasting this preposterous exercise?
NATALIE No.
ELLIOTT We're just simulating this preposterous exercise.
JEREMY Let's do it, baby!
DANA You weren't just talking to me, right?
JEREMY No, I was just saying in general.
DANA Dave?
DAVE VTR is rolling. 10 seconds live.
CHRIS Loading effects 3, 4, and 5A.
DAVE In 3, 2...

DAN Good evening. From New York City, I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall. Those stories, plus Luciano Pavarotti shocks the track world by running the 100 meters in 6 seconds, my mother hits for the cycle, and Martina Hingis sings selections from "No, No, Nanette."
CASEY You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around.

DAVE We're out.
KIM Two minutes back.
DANA So far, so good.
JEREMY I'd say a little better than good, Dana. Chyrons, over-the-shoulder, animation, sound, cameras, communications, and, what's this? The L.C. wire being updated on my PowerBook. Sandbags on the levee, some plywood on the windows, a little thing called human endeavour.
DANA Are you almost finished?
JEREMY I'm just saying we have nothing to fear.
DANA And I'm just saying you must have gotten beaten up a lot in high school.
JEREMY Yeah.

DAN She has a name.
CASEY The girl in the bar?
DAN The girl at the bar has a name.
CASEY What is it?
DAN Abby.
CASEY Nice.
DAN So we can stop calling her "the girl in the bar." She's not, like, a girl who hangs out in bars, like a bar girl.
CASEY Mmm, I like girls who hang out at bars.
DAN Me too.
DAVE 30 seconds back.
DAN She liked me.
CASEY I like you, too.
DAN We talked for quite a while.
CASEY Yeah, and then she went home with another guy.
DAN The guy she came with?
CASEY Yes.
DAN She was with that guy. That was the guy she came with. You know, and then there was me.
CASEY Then there was you?
DAN There was.
CASEY Ok.
DAVE In 3, 2...
CASEY Zamfir, master of the pan flute, was 26 for 32 in passing...

DAVE Cue graphics.
CHRIS Graphics are up.
JEREMY Graphics are up, my good friends. As sure as the sun sets in the west, as sure as there will always be an England, the graphics are up.
DANA Natalie?
NATALIE Yeah?
DANA Way too much sugar for him lately.
NATALIE I know.

CASEY...For more on that, we take you to our ship's purser, Gopher Smith, who's standing by on the Lido deck. Gopher?
KIM 1:20 back.
DAN She gave me this.
CASEY Her card.
DAN The digits.
CASEY So she's a shrink.
DAN Really?
CASEY Yeah, she's a headshrinker.
DAN Where does it say that?
CASEY It says so on her card: "Psy. D.," Doctor of Psychology.
DAN Wow, she's a doctor.
CASEY Of psychology.
DAN A doctor.
CASEY In the area of mental health.
DAN Hmm.
CASEY Have you called her yet?
DAN Yes.
CASEY To make an appointment?
DAN I called her to make a date.
CASEY You sure?
DAN Yes, I'm very sure.
CASEY Ah, if you're sure, I'm sure.
DAN She was a girl in a bar.
CASEY A therapist.
DAN By vocation.
DAVE In 3, 2...
CASEY Thank you, Gopher. We're just getting started here on "Dan and Casey's Dance Fever." We're going to take a commercial break, so stay with us.
DAVE We're out.
KIM 90 seconds back.
DAN It's a date, Casey. It's not an appointment.
CASEY Where is it?
DAN The date?
CASEY Yeah.
DAN Her office.
CASEY Ok.
DAN I'm sure she understood that meant I'm picking her up at her office.
CASEY I'm sure. What time?
DAN Seven. Fifty.
CASEY 7:50?
DAN When she's done with her last appointment.
CASEY Sounds to me like she might have one more on her schedule. Hey, don't you work at 7:50?
DAN No.
CASEY I work at 7:50.
DAN That's why I don't have to.
CASEY Danny.
DAN I'll be gone for an hour.
CASEY Oh, I understand.
DAN You do not understand.

DAVE Stand by animation.
WILL Stand by sound 22, 23, and 23A.
CHRIS Loading effects 12.
JEREMY You guys mind if I do the honors?
NATALIE He wants to push the button.
JEREMY Yeah.
DAVE Sure.
JEREMY At the press of this button, the Y2K will officially cry uncle. And I'll say, "Yeah? Who's your daddy? I am! That's right, say it. Jeremy's your daddy." Then--
DANA Jeremy.
JEREMY Here we go.
DAVE In 3, 2...
JEREMY (presses a button causing all the monitors go to static) Huh.
DANA Yes.
JEREMY Huh.
DANA Yes. Will?
WILL I've got nothing.
DANA Chris?
CHRIS I've got no sound in the studio or on the router.
DANA Kim?
KIM My control panel just crashed.
DANA Ok. Well, I'm just gonna run to the ATM, pick up some bottled water and canned goods, and I'll be right back.
JEREMY Hey, hey. This is nothing. I need to reaccess the mainframe and reboot the system.
DANA How long will that take?
JEREMY No time.
DANA You understand that, you know, in real life we're doing a show at 11:00.
JEREMY That's in 4 and a half hours. I'll be done fixing this in 5 minutes.
DANA Five minutes, everybody.
JEREMY Come on. I'm your daddy.

*C-break*

Dan & Casey's Office
DAN I do not need therapy.
CASEY Ok.
DAN You think that's what she thinks?
CASEY No.
DAN If that's what she thinks, she's wrong.
CASEY Ok.
DAN Don't you think she's wrong if she thinks that?
CASEY Listen, McMurphy, if it were up to me, I'd let you and the big Indian out of the hospital, but--
DAN Hey, let's just hold onto our horses here. Now, I may not be a framed picture of mental health, but doctor-girl's got another think coming if she thinks I'm gonna go lie on her couch and, you know, talk to her.
CASEY Ok.
DAN She hangs out in bars, Casey. Like I'm supposed to take advice from some gin-soaked floozy?
CASEY Yeah.
DAN I'm going to straighten this out.
CASEY When?
DAN 7:50.
CASEY At her office?
DAN Yes, indeed.
NATALIE Casey?
DAN Natalie?
NATALIE Yeah?
DAN I'm not crazy.
NATALIE Yeah, right. You need to cut 20 seconds from the Pac-10.
CASEY No problem.
NATALIE Also, you should know that Sam Donovan called from Detroit last night and said it was a good show.
CASEY Great.
DAN Wait.
NATALIE What?
DAN He's telling Casey it was a good show?
NATALIE He was telling all of us it was a good show.
DAN But you were telling Casey.
NATALIE I was telling both of you.
DAN You were looking at Casey.
NATALIE I was looking at both of you.
DAN You were looking at Casey longer.
CASEY This isn't gonna make you any crazier, is it?
DAN No.
JEREMY Jeremy's got it just about fixed, so it'll just be-- (The lights for the entire floor go out.)
DAN I'm not crazy, right? The lights did just go out?
CASEY Yeah.

Control Room
Jeremy flips through instruction manuals by flashlight. Dana enters.
DANA Jeremy? Jeremy?
JEREMY It's going to be ok.
DANA Is all the power out?
JEREMY What do you mean?
DANA Is all the power out?
JEREMY No, of course not.
DANA What did we lose?
JEREMY We lost the control room.
DANA Yes.
JEREMY And the studio.
DANA Ok.
JEREMY The newsroom and the offices. Editing, Graphics, Engineering, Sound.
DANA Is anything working?
JEREMY No.
DANA I thought you said we didn't lose all power.
JEREMY I thought you meant in the whole city.
DANA No.
JEREMY 'Cause the rest of the city is fine.
DANA Yes, you have to end this test right now.
JEREMY Right.
DANA You can try again another time, but you have to tell the computer that it's not January 1st.
JEREMY Yeah. Here's the thing.
DANA No.
JEREMY The thing is--
DANA Please don't say it.
JEREMY I can't get the computers back.
DANA You can't get the computers back.
JEREMY No.
DANA Why?
JEREMY Do you see anything that runs on electricity working right now?
DANA No.
JEREMY Well?
DANA You really think this is the best time to get snippy with me?
JEREMY I'm trying.
DANA Try harder.
JEREMY I have to see someone in Physical Resources.
DANA Fine.
JEREMY Be back in a minute.
DANA Fine.
JEREMY I've walked into a door.
DANA Yes.

News Room
DANA Natalie!
NATALIE Right here.
DANA Whoa! God!
NATALIE Hi.
DANA You scared me.
NATALIE Isn't this cool?
DANA Hmm. Let me think. No!
NATALIE Ok.
DANA They have power upstairs?
NATALIE Yes.
DANA They have systems?
NATALIE Yes.
DANA Prep studio B.
NATALIE Studio B's a hole.
DANA Natalie--
NATALIE It's small, it's water-damaged, it's slightly mildewed.
DANA I agree that ours is a much nicer studio. I guess the only problem is that we can't see it.
NATALIE I'll get things going upstairs.
DANA Thank you. (Natalie leaves) Did everybody hear that? We're doing the show upstairs tonight. Is there even anybody here in this room right now?
VARIOUS Yes. We're here. Yep. Yeah.
DANA Ok.


Abby's Office
Dan is waiting in the lobby. A client comes out of the office and gets her coat.
DAN Hi.
CLIENT What?
DAN I said hi. I'm not here for an appointment. I'm just here socially.
CLIENT Please don't talk to me.
DAN Ok.
ABBY Hey.
DAN Hey.
ABBY Come on in.
DAN Sure. Is she ok?
ABBY Who?
DAN Her.
ABBY She's fine.
DAN She didn't look that good.
ABBY She's fine.
DAN Really?
ABBY Yeah.
DAN I mean, I don't want to question your professional opinion, but she looked a little--
ABBY What?
DAN Crazy.
ABBY She's fine.
DAN Good.
ABBY So--
DAN I mean, she's ok to be walking around on the street?
ABBY Yes.
DAN Ok. Say, listen, do you want to hear something funny?
ABBY Sure.
DAN There was, among a few of the people I work with, some confusion over whether you wanted me to call you for a date or whether you wanted me to call you for an appointment.
ABBY Really?
DAN Yeah.
ABBY That is funny.
DAN Yes, it is.
ABBY Have you ever been in therapy?
DAN Me?
ABBY Yeah.
DAN No.
ABBY Really?
DAN Never felt the need.
ABBY Ok.
DAN What about you?
ABBY Me?
DAN Have you ever been in therapy?
ABBY I still am.
DAN Really?
ABBY Yeah.
DAN That's allowed?
ABBY It's encouraged.
DAN You're kidding.
ABBY Why are you surprised?
DAN 'Cause I'm-- Well, I'm not. I-- I just assumed that someone who needed a therapist would want someone with, you know, a full supply of marbles.
ABBY Danny?
DAN Yeah?
ABBY I have roughly the same number of marbles as everyone else.
DAN I'm sure.
ABBY So do you.
DAN I have, actually, an excess of marbles.
ABBY I can tell, and you seem like a nice guy.
DAN I am.
ABBY I know. You're a nice guy and you're a smart guy.
DAN Thank you.
ABBY So why doesn't your father like you?
DAN What?
ABBY I believe in cutting through the first six months and getting to the stuff.
DAN Excuse me, are we on a date right now or are we having a session?
ABBY Which did you want it to be?
DAN A date.
ABBY You sure?
DAN Yes.
ABBY Ok.
DAN Why did you ask me about my father?
ABBY Did you go to school to get good at what you do?
DAN Yeah.
ABBY Me too. How 'bout a quick dinner?
DAN Hang on a second there, Sigmund. Why do you think my father doesn't like me?
ABBY Why do you think my father doesn't like you?
DAN No, I meant, what do you observe about me that you think--
ABBY Don't worry about it.
DAN My father likes me, Abby. She likes me just fine.
ABBY She?
DAN What?
ABBY You said, "She likes me just fine."
DAN No, I didn't.
ABBY Ok.
DAN I didn't.
ABBY Let's get a hamburger.
DAN Abby?
ABBY Yeah?
DAN Why did I say that?
ABBY I don't know. Dan, it's been kind of a long day. Mind if we sit down?
DAN No.


Dan & Casey's Office
Casey works on his script by candlelight.
DANA Aw, look at this: Bob Cratchit.
CASEY This isn't funny.
DANA You see me laughing?
CASEY Hey, listen--
DANA Don't move.
CASEY Why?
DANA You look nice in the candlelight.
CASEY Over here like this?
DANA You were fine.
CASEY No, I want to go back to the way it was.
DANA Don't worry about it.
CASEY Over here?
DANA You know, you can squeeze the life out of a moment like nobody I've ever met.
CASEY Well, excuse me for wanting to get it right.
DANA I have no trouble excusing you for that.
CASEY Thank you.
DANA We're gonna move upstairs to studio B.
CASEY I'm not wild about studio B.
DANA Why not?
CASEY Because this studio is my home.
DANA For tonight, we'll make the other studio your home.
CASEY It doesn't really work like that.
DANA I bet it does.
CASEY Dana.
DANA Studio B. Let's start heading up.
DAN Hey.
CASEY Hey, where have you been?
DAN I was cutting some new film.
DANA For Oregon State?
DAN Yeah. No, for Memphis.
DANA Guys, studio B, 10 minutes.
CASEY How'd it go?
DAN Good.
CASEY Yeah?
DAN Yeah. Let me, uh, swap Memphis for N.C. State, ok?
CASEY Fine.
DAN I'm gonna go pull some tape.
CASEY Danny--
DAN Casey, I really just wanna-- You know, it was no big deal. It was good.
CASEY Good.
DAN I'm gonna go pull some tape.
CASEY Ok.

Control Room
JEREMY Um, the circuits here are all GFCI. My point being that there's probably no need to check for a ground fault in the Ethernet bridge but, you know, yes, go ahead and do it anyway. I suppose I'm not really in a position to give advice, except to say, is it possible that a spike in the slave sync signal shorted out the bus?
NATALIE Honey?
JEREMY Natalie, I think it's possible that a spike in the slave sync signal shorted the PCI bus so the DMA controller had an IRQ conflict.
NATALIE Honey--
JEREMY Dave, isn't it possible that a spike in the slave sync signal shorted the PCI bus?
DAVE No.
JEREMY Damn it. Damn it, damn it.
NATALIE Jeremy.
JEREMY Damn it.
NATALIE Could you give us the room for a second?
WILL Sure.
CHRIS Yeah, sure. (Dave, Will and Chris leave.)
NATALIE It's not a big deal.
JEREMY It's not a big deal?
NATALIE It's not.
JEREMY Look around you.
NATALIE You weren't here the first year. On a list of the top 10 things we screwed up, knocking the power out with a Y2K test wouldn't have made the cut.
JEREMY This is different.
NATALIE Why?
JEREMY 'Cause this is a metaphor.
NATALIE For what?
JEREMY For this! For this! For this new millennium which everyone seems to be looking forward to, and I'd like to be looking forward to it, and why am I having trouble getting on board?
NATALIE What bad thing do you think is gonna happen on January 1st?
JEREMY Well, for one thing, all the power's gonna go out.
NATALIE Yeah, but not in the whole city.
JEREMY The day isn't over yet.
DANA Guys, it's time to head upstairs.
NATALIE Dana, tell Jeremy not to fear the new millennium.
DANA Don't fear the new millennium.
NATALIE Do it better than that.
DANA There's nothing to fear from the new millennium.
NATALIE You see?
DANA Though I suspect you'll be spending a good part of it looking for a job.
CASEY Are we going upstairs?
DANA Yes.
NATALIE Pep Jeremy up.
CASEY Why?
NATALIE He fears the new millennium.
CASEY Me too.
NATALIE Good job.
CASEY This century was my home.
JEREMY Exactly.
CASEY Men like Jeremy and me, we're 20th century men.
DANA Ok, can we go?
NATALIE You really think things are gonna be that different in the next millennium?
CASEY I think Dana and I still won't have gone on a first date yet, if that's what you're asking.
NATALIE It was.
DANA Let's go.
ISAAC The next millennium will be spectacular. It will be. I'm managing editor of Sports Night and 100 years ago, I wasn't allowed to vote. The future's just fine with me. And I have to say that I find it vaguely amusing that a computer that can calculate the quadratic equation in a nanosecond hits the panic button when it's asked to count up to 2000. I'll see you upstairs.
JEREMY Well, anyway, sorry about this.
DAVE We gotta get up there.
NATALIE Let's go.
DANA Hang on.
CASEY We gotta go.
DANA Jeremy, which button did you hit?
JEREMY When?
DANA When the lights went out?
JEREMY Uh, video release.
DANA Huh.
JEREMY Why?
DANA You didn't.
JEREMY Yes, I did.
DANA No, you didn't.
JEREMY I was looking right at the button.
DANA Yes.
JEREMY And it said "video release."
DANA Yes.
JEREMY It was video release.
DANA No. And I think this is interesting. This section of the board was rewired this morning.
JEREMY It was?
DANA Yes.
JEREMY Why aren't the consoles relabelled?
DANA As far as that's concerned, there's no question that there's a way to look at this where it's my fault.
JEREMY What's another way to look at it?
DANA There's no other way to look at it.
JEREMY What button did I actually push?
DANA Now, this is where I think you're gonna find some irony.
JEREMY It was the panic button?
DANA Interestingly, it was the panic button.
JEREMY Dana--
DANA Hey, I said I was sorry. It was heartfelt. I made an apology.
CASEY No, you didn't.
DANA Like I need to apologize with you people.
JEREMY Hang on. (presses the button and power returns to the floor.)
CASEY Yeah!
JEREMY Ha ha!
DANA Dave!
DAVE Sound.
CHRIS I've got sound.
DANA Will?
WILL We're online.
DANA Let's go.
DAVE Two minutes to VTR, three minutes live.
CASEY My home.
DANA Jeremy, I'm honestly sorry.
JEREMY There's no point assigning blame.
ELLIOTT What happened?
JEREMY It was Dana's fault.
DANA Show me Denver.
JEREMY I am reinvigorated. You may have won the battle, but there's a war still to be waged, my foe.
NATALIE Honey, when you talk to the computers, you don't ever hear them talk back, do you?
JEREMY No.
NATALIE Good.
KIM 90 seconds to VTR.

Studio
CASEY The human mind, Alyson, it won't be denied.
ALYSON Good.
CASEY It just won't.
ALYSON Ok.
CASEY You could try denying it, but it won't work. You know why?
ALYSON 'Cause it's the human mind?
CASEY Damn straight.
ALYSON Can I go?
CASEY Yes.
ALYSON Ok.
CASEY Are you sure you don't want to talk about anything?
DAN Yeah.
CASEY You gonna see her again?
DAN Yeah.
CASEY Good.
DAN I think I may have some stuff going on.
CASEY I know.
DAN It's gonna be ok.
CASEY I know.
DAN Let's do a good show.
CASEY Danny, the human mind will not be denied. (sits and his chair sinks exactly like earlier)
DAVE Roll VTR.
CASEY This is humiliating.

*credits*


original transcript from the_49th_floor

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Tags: abby, dan & casey's dance fever, preposterous exercise, season 2, y2k
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