DAVE Three minutes to VTR.
NATALIE Two minutes live.
CHRIS Stand by 1, 2, 2A and 5.
WILL Loading effect 5.
NATALIE Preview Denver. Let me talk to Katie in South Bend.
CHRIS Sound two's standing.
WILL Denver's up.
DAVE You've got Katie.
CASEY Do you have a shot sheet for Phoenix?
JEREMY Should be in there.
CASEY It's not.
JEREMY Hang on.
DAVE 90 seconds to VTR.
CASEY I don't have a shot sheet.
JEREMY Hang on.
CASEY Could not see the Phoenix game, could not tell you about it without I have a shot sheet.
NATALIE Jeremy's on it.
JEREMY (running into News Room) Corbin! Who's seen Corbin Davis? Nobody. Who's seen the Phoenix game? Nobody. Thank you for your help.
CASEY It's not like I couldn't do it without the shot sheet.
DAN Please don't start.
CASEY I have video right in front of me.
CASEY It'd be the same as calling play-by-play.
CASEY I could do it.
DAN No, you can't.
CASEY I got nervous that time.
DAN Yes, you did.
DAVE 60 seconds to VTR.
KIM Two minutes live.
DANA Two sacks, my little brother got tonight.
NATALIE Where's Philly?
DANA Sacked the quarterback on Monday Night Football not once, but twice.
CHRIS Philly's up.
DANA That's Whitaker blood.
NATALIE Good blood.
DANA Excellent blood -- made grown offensive linemen cry like they were little girls.
ELLIOT Can I see Tampa and Minneapolis?
DANA Elliot? Stand there. I'm gonna sack you.
DANA I just want to show you how he does it.
NATALIE Dana, you can sack Elliot later.
CHRIS Tampa's up.
KIM 30 seconds to VTR.
(Jeremy runs into the room as a bunch of college-age interns watch music videos on tv.)
JEREMY Where's the shot sheet on Phoenix?
CORBIN Hey, Jeremy.
JEREMY Where's the shot sheet?
CORBIN Chill, Jeremy.
JEREMY Where is it?
JEREMY Guys, we watch sports around here. (exits)
DAVE Roll VTR.
KIM 60 seconds live.
CASEY I look right down there at my highlight, call it, no shot sheet -- like the days of old, my friend, like the men of yore.
DAN You can't do it.
CASEY Why not?
DAN No other reason than because it's you.
CASEY What of the days of old and the men of yore?
DAN I miss them, too.
JEREMY (runs up) We can slide Phoenix back to the 50s. I can superspeed the game tape through and get it to you in the 4 block.
DAN Are you telling me it's not that we can't find the shot sheet, it's that nobody did the shot sheet?
JEREMY Slide it back to 50.
DAN Tell Dana.
JEREMY Yeah, I'm looking forward to that.
CASEY Shot sheets are for wimps.
DAN Fix your tie.
DANA Hang on. Casey, what do you know about Ohio?
CASEY Nothing. What's going on?
DANA Something about football and drugs.
CASEY That's pretty unusual.
DANA Come in early tomorrow and work the phones.
CASEY Absolutely, 'cause you know why? 'Cause there's nothing like a good story about professional athletes and illegal drugs to really capture my attention.
DANA Just do it, Casey.
CASEY Couldn't we just use an old story and fill in the names?
CASEY Or would that be unethical?
DANA Yes, sir?
JEREMY I need to slide Phoenix down to the 50s.
DANA Stand there, I'm going to sack you.
JEREMY Ok, I need just another moment of your time, then you can go back to being crazy.
NATALIE What's going on?
DANA I'm not crazy.
JEREMY I'm gonna put together a shot sheet.
JEREMY Just say yes, Natalie.
NATALIE You're firing him tomorrow.
JEREMY Can we talk about it tomorrow?
NATALIE We can talk about it tomorrow, you can plead your case tomorrow, I will tell you for the 100th time why you're wrong tomorrow, and then you will fire him tomorrow.
JEREMY I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
DANA My brother got two sacks tonight.
JEREMY I saw.
DANA Tackled the quarterback twice.
JEREMY I know what the word "sack" means.
DANA He did it two times.
JEREMY And I know what the word "twice" means.
DANA He has excellent blood.
DANA Casey, you got we're sliding Phoenix to 50?
CASEY I can call it blind.
ENTIRE CONTROL ROOM No!
CASEY No appreciation for the days of yore.
DAVE In 3, 2..
DAN Good evening. From New York City, I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall. Those stories plus...
DANA Let me sack you.
DANA My brother can beat up your brother.
NATALIE My brother's a grad student in comparative literature. My mother could beat up my brother.
DANA What do you have?
CASEY Jack Coughlin's wife was brought in for questioning two days ago when a pharmacy alerted local authorities in Columbus, Ohio, to an unusually large number of prescriptions being written in her name for a drug called Phentermine -- anybody know what it is?
DANA It's the "Phen" in Fen-Phen.
CASEY That's right. It's a diet pill.
DANA Is Mrs. Coughlin overweight?
CASEY 5'8", 114 pounds.
DANA Makes me crazy.
CASEY Coughlin rolled over on the internist who's writing the scrips.
DANA And he turned in the players she was getting them for?
CASEY Yeah, he was a tough nut to crack. The thing is, turns out it's not just diet pills. It's Pednasone.
DANA Oh, man.
NATALIE What's Pednasone?
JEREMY It's been around about a year and a half, the trade name is Pednasone-50, and it's andracycline, and it's one of the world's most powerful oral anabolic steroids.
CASEY I have an off-the-record source backed up by a second off-the-record source that says seven starters from one team are about to get suspended from football for the rest of the season, including the playoffs.
DANA Can we have it by tonight?
CASEY I'm on the next plane to Ohio.
DANA Get a fill-in for Casey tonight.
DAN Get Tina.
NATALIE Why Tina?
DAN Why not Tina?
NATALIE She's a woman.
DAN I like women.
NATALIE No kidding.
DANA Tina's fine.
CASEY I'm outta here.
DAN Have a good flight.
CASEY Thanks. By the way, last night?
CASEY Could have called that highlight blind.
CASEY I'm just sayin'.
DANA Anything else?
NATALIE Back in two hours.
NATALIE Oh, Jerome!
JEREMY Why do you call me that?
NATALIE Because it's your little boy name -- little boy too scared to fire one of his people.
JEREMY Oh, you think I'm scared?
NATALIE Scared chicken.
NATALIE How many times does he have to screw up before you'll show him the door?
JEREMY It's a hard job.
NATALIE Then let's get somebody who can do it.
JEREMY This isn't a regular situation.
NATALIE Yes, it is.
JEREMY He's related--
NATALIE I know who he is.
NATALIE I know who he is and I'm telling you, he's not up to the job, on top of which, he has a bad attitude. Now go show him the door.
JEREMY You've taken to bossing me around a lot, you know that?
NATALIE Yes. You know why?
JEREMY 'Cause you're my boss?
NATALIE Bull's-eye, Jerome.
JEREMY Have a nice day.
NATALIE I almost always do.
Abby and Dan are sitting silently. Dan is looking through candy bowl.
ABBY I'm kind of feeling like these sessions are a waste of your time and money.
DAN That's being a little hard on yourself, don't you think?
ABBY No, I'm being a little hard on you, Dan.
DAN Well, I don't feel like my time is being wasted.
DAN Though you do charge an awful lot of money.
ABBY Yes, I do.
DAN I pay you $700 a month.
ABBY Yes, I know.
DAN For 700 bucks a month, I should get the shrink, two rooms, and a bath.
ABBY Is it important to you that you get every attractive woman you meet to like you?
DAN Mnh-mnh. It's important that I get the unattractive ones to like me, too.
DAN Why do I want people to like me?
DAN Don't you want people to like you?
ABBY So, I'm a likable person, and I assume people are gonna like me, and many of them do.
DAN What about the ones who don't?
ABBY I don't really think too much about that.
DAN Why not?
ABBY 'Cause many of them do.
DAN I think it's easy for you to say that.
DAN Because you look the way you do.
ABBY You think if you were better looking, you wouldn't have to work so hard getting women to like you?
ABBY Do you think you're good looking?
DAN Can we talk about something else?
ABBY We only have a few minutes left, let's try and get some work done. Do you think you're good looking?
DAN I think I'm all right.
ABBY Of course you do. You can't get over how good looking you are. So, this thing must come from someplace inside of you, something so fundamentally bad that you feel it must either be overcome or covered up, lest the entire world run away from you, not unlike two other people you know.
DAN Have you noticed how you always come back to my parents at the end of each session?
ABBY Well, the session's over.
DAN What was the point of this?
ABBY In the long run, to relieve you of the pressure of getting people to like you. In the short run, to tell you this.
ABBY Stop trying to get me to like you.
DAN I haven't been trying--
ABBY You've been flirting with me and I want you to take this seriously.
DAN I do take this seriously.
DAN I wasn't flirting.
DAN I'm a charming guy, Abby. It's not something I can control.
ABBY Tell me about it.
DAN You know what I think?
ABBY Next week.
DAN I think we could end this whole thing right now.
ABBY If I just did what?
DAN Told me that you like me.
ABBY I know.
DAN I'd be cured right away, next case.
ABBY Not gonna happen.
DAN I remind you that it is my money.
ABBY And I want you to bear in mind that you're the patient, I'm the doctor, and you're in pain.
DAN I have no trouble remembering that last part.
ABBY I'll see you next week.
DAN Watch me on television tonight.
DAN You'll like me.
ABBY See ya.
DAN That was a joke.
ABBY You know what?
ABBY It wasn't.
(Dan wanders around backstage, unsure what to say to any of the women. Kim walks by.)
DAN I kind of wanted to put you on alert.
KIM What do you mean?
DAN You know how ordinarily I flirt with you during the show?
DAN I won't be doing that.
DAN It's not that I don't like you.
DAN Even more important, it's not that I don't want you to like me.
KIM I do like you.
DAN All right. Well...keep it up.
Kim heads to the control room and Dan heads to the anchor desk.
DAN I won't be flirting with you tonight. You shouldn't be alarmed. It's just something that I'm trying. It's gonna be hard, but I think it's important.
DAN So, here I go.
KIM Five minutes to air. First team to the studio, please. Five minutes.
NATALIE He just got off the plane.
DANA I'm saying--
NATALIE He's on his way from LaGuardia.
DANA I'm saying, why doesn't he have the names?
NATALIE They're gonna be faxed to him when he gets here.
DANA Tina's all set?
NATALIE She's in hair.
DANA Let's see if we can get this thing on the air tonight.
NATALIE We will. (Jeremy walks by) Oh, Jocelyn.
JEREMY Please stop that.
NATALIE I'm assuming you fired him.
JEREMY You know what?
JEREMY He's J.J.'s cousin, so why don't we give him--
NATALIE Jeremy, I know he's J.J.'s cousin--
NATALIE I could honestly give a damn.
JEREMY Is it necessary to go out of your way to pick fights with the network?
NATALIE No. Is it necessary to go out of your way to kiss their ass?
JEREMY That's not what I'm doing.
JEREMY No, I mean it. This is their network, Natalie. We have to work with these people. And the special delight that you and Dana take in--
NATALIE You don't know what you're talking about.
JEREMY I do know what I'm talking about. They keep us on the air when our ratings don't support it and their pay checksdon't bounce.
NATALIE I consider neither of those to be magnanimous gestures worthy--
JEREMY I didn't--
NATALIE Worthy of keeping somebody on who very nearly cost us the show last night.
JEREMY Cost us the show? It was a hockey game.
NATALIE He screwed up. It wasn't the first time. His attitude sucks, and I don't care if his cousin's Thomas Edison. Get him outta here.
JEREMY I'll do it during the first c-break.
NATALIE Thank you.
NATALIE Dana, stop sacking Dave.
DANA See, you keep your center of gravity low and your feet moving.
DAVE Dana, can I sit down?
KIM 10 seconds live.
WILL Stand by 5.
CHRIS Loading 5, effects 1, 2, and 2A.
JEREMY What? I'm gonna do it in the commercial.
DAVE In 3, 2...
DAN Good evening. From New York City, I'm Dan Rydell alongside Tina Lake sitting in for Casey McCall. Those stories plus "hello, dolly" as the Heisman race heats up.
TINA And "goodbye, Columbus" as the Buckeyes take a beating. All that coming up after this. You're experiencing Sports Night on CSC, so stick around.
DAVE We're out.
KIM 2:20 back.
Jeremy leaves the control room.
DAN That was nice.
TINA You didn't mind that I changed it?
TINA I'm just trying to plant my flag.
DAN I'm not gonna flirt with you tonight.
DAN Ordinarily, I'd flirt with you.
TINA I like it.
DAN I appreciate that, but tonight it's not gonna happen that much, and I didn't want you to get the wrong idea.
TINA That you don't like me?
DAN No so much that as that I don't want you to like me.
TINA I do like you.
DAN I appreciate that. I-- I like you, too.
TINA Are you ok?
DAN Not even close.
JEREMY You got a second?
CORBIN Yeah. (They walk backstage)
JEREMY Listen, here's the thing. You've been falling down on the job. Everybody screws up a little at first, but I get the feeling you don't even want this job.
CORBIN I don't.
JEREMY Why are you here?
CORBIN Um, it puts pizza money in my pocket 'til I get out of school.
JEREMY Well, that notwithstanding, I'm supposed to fire you right now, but I'm not.
JEREMY I want you to try harder though. I'll smooth things over with Natalie.
CORBIN Hey, I'm on the team.
CORBIN And I don't take sides.
JEREMY What do you mean?
CORBIN I-- I mean when J.J. says stuff about you guys, I don't, you know, I don't come back with stuff.
JEREMY What kind of stuff?
CORBIN Uh, the usual stuff.
JEREMY I-- I don't know what that is.
CORBIN Don't worry about it.
CORBIN Take it easy.
JEREMY You'll work harder?
CORBIN Hey, I blew the thing last night, all right? Enough is enough.
JEREMY All right.
CASEY Hey, I'm back.
DANA When are you gonna get the names?
CASEY Uh, any minute. I'm gonna go stake out the fax machine right now.
NATALIE Whoa, whoa! Give 'em up! (Casey tosses a package of nuts to her) They only gave you one? (tosses a second package)
NATALIE Honey roasted peanuts.
DANA You can buy them in the store, you know.
NATALIE This is better.
NATALIE Did you do it?
JEREMY Do you have a second?
NATALIE Do I have a second?
NATALIE Don't eat the peanuts.
DAVE Stand by 22.
NATALIE Did you do it?
JEREMY Did I fire him?
JEREMY I did it.
JEREMY But not really.
NATALIE Put a pair of tights and a party dress on you, you're one pretty little girl.
JEREMY As a matter of fact, you're wrong. As a matter of fact, I happen to be the only person here who isn't acting emotionally. I'm the one who's saying "yes, they're bullies and we've never gotten along and the lines were drawn long before I got here, but for the sake of self-preservation, why not try to make it work?" I'm throwing them one. I'm saying, let's let this one thing not be a hassle.
NATALIE What did he say when you talked to him?
JEREMY He said he'd try harder.
NATALIE Did he?
JEREMY Those weren't his exact words.
NATALIE What were his exact words?
JEREMY "Get off my back." That's not me saying that, I'm saying those were his exact words.
NATALIE He's your responsibility, Jeremy. Do what you want. He screws up again, it's my responsibility.
JEREMY Got it.
NATALIE Being emotional about their work never killed anybody.
JEREMY My point was--
NATALIE I know what your point was. I'm loyal to Isaac, I'm loyal to Dana, and I'm loyal to the show.
JEREMY And I am too.
TINA And we'll be bringing you all the action live from Watkins Glen International Motor Speedway this Saturday at 1:00, 10:00 Pacific.
DAN Don't go away. Tina and I've got lots more coming up, including news from the Indiana Pacers. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around.
DAVE We're out.
KIM Two minutes back.
TINA It's going well.
TINA You don't think it's going well?
DAN I do.
DAN I think it's going very well, but rather than, you know, banter with you about it, I'll just leave it at that.
TINA Dan, it's-- it's not like if you chat with me, I'm gonna go home with you.
DAN Why not?
DAN Never mind.
TINA Dan, you're having a bad night.
DAN Yeah, but could we just chalk it up to that and not, you know, come to some general conclusion about me as a result of it?
TINA I hardly ever understand what you're saying.
DAN I've gotten that before.
TINA Try and keep it together, huh?
DAN Sure. (gets up from the desk and walks over to Isaac, who's been watching the show from behind the cameras on set.)
ISAAC She's doing well.
ISAAC What's wrong?
DAN She thinks I'm crazy.
ISAAC You are crazy.
DAN You're not helping.
ISAAC I wasn't trying to.
DAN Abby thinks my flirting is unhealthy.
ISAAC Who's Abby?
DAN My therapist. Are you paying attention?
DAN The thing is, she may have a point.
ISAAC You're not flirting with me right now, right?
DAN I'm saying that--
ISAAC 'Cause that'd just be strange.
DAN I know.
ISAAC Not that I wouldn't be flattered.
ISAAC But it'd still be weird.
DAN I hear ya.
ISAAC Though I'll say this: you are a handsome young man, Danny.
DAN Will you stop it?
ISAAC What exactly is your problem?
DAN I'd like to, you know, get my reputation back with Tina as a fun and desirable person.
ISAAC I bet that's gonna go well.
DAN You think so?
ISAAC Oh yeah.
CORBIN Hey, Jeremy.
JEREMY You know, our show's actually on right now.
CORBIN Uh, we just switched it for a second.
JEREMY I stuck up for you. Everything's cool. I just wanna know you're really gonna make an effort.
CORBIN I will.
JEREMY I put myself on the line for you.
CORBIN I'll tell that to J.J.
JEREMY Tell whomever you want, but do a better job around here.
JEREMY What were the things he said?
JEREMY J.J. -- about the show -- what were the things he's been saying?
JEREMY Does he talk badly about Isaac or Dana?
CORBIN Everyone, I guess.
CORBIN Come on, man.
JEREMY Never mind. Just get back to work.
CORBIN Oh, he says Natalie's a nice piece of tail.
JEREMY Everyone but Corbin, get out. (The other interns leave.) You're fired. I'm firing you. Tell J.J. I'm the one who did it.
DAN You know what'd make this a lot easier?
TINA What a lot easier?
DAN For me being alive right now.
DAN If you'd just reassure me that you had a good time being here tonight.
TINA I'm being paid to be here.
DAN I know, but you're gonna tell your friends that you liked it, right?
TINA My friends?
DAN The girls.
TINA Which girls?
DAN The girls in Danny's world of fantasy and psychosis.
TINA Dan...you-- you need to get into therapy.
DAN I am in therapy.
TINA You need more.
DAN I'm not so sure how much more I can take.
DANA Casey's getting the fax right now. The story's gonna be up on the prompter, just fill in the names.
DAN Is it exclusive?
DANA The Ohio trip paid off.
In the News Room, Casey read the fax he's just received.
DAN Can I ask you something?
TINA Is it creepy?
TINA Go ahead.
DAN Don't you find my obsessive need to get you to like me has less to do with my parents and more to do with the fact that you look good? (Tina simply looks at him) Or is that what you meant by "creepy"?
DAN I'm gonna stay over here.
Casey enters the control room with the fax in hand.
DANA You got it! (grabs the fax from him)
CASEY Yeah, listen--
DANA (into mic) Here it is, Dan.
CASEY Dana, Dana--
DANA Hang on, hang on. Um, Tommy Reed, Clifton White, Zachary Armstrong... (her face drops and she can't speak right away)
DAN Dana? Dana, that's only three.
DANA I'm gonna call my parents. (goes into sound room)
CASEY Go ahead.
CASEY It's her brother, Danny, Kyle Whitaker. Kyle Whitaker, Orlando Cortez, Cory MacRane, Warren Green.
DANA (On the phone) Hey, mom, it's me. Listen, turn off your television.
DAVE In 3, 2...
DAN Welcome back. We've got breaking news. Sources are reporting to CSC that league officials are questioning seven players in connection with drug charges which, if proven true, could lead to long-term suspensions and possible criminal proceedings. The athletes are listed as suspects in an ongoing investigation into distribution of a controversial anabolic steroid called Pednasone-50, which is on the league list of banned substances. The players' union today denied any knowledge of the inquiry, but added that they were monitoring the situation closely.
original transcript from the_49th_floor