Commentator on TV: Leaving them just 2 yards short of the first down. And Bob Palmiero, what do you do if you're the Florida State Seminoles in this situation?
Isaac: (mutes TV) He's gonna go for it.
Casey: He's gonna kick the field goal.
Isaac: No, he's gonna go for the first down.
Casey: They've gotta score twice to win. Why not just get the 3 right now. He's got the wind at his back.
Isaac: He doesn't have the leg.
Casey: He's got the wind at his back.
Isaac: I don't care if he's got the wind at his back and a song in his heart, he doesn't have the leg.
Casey: You're a crazy man from St. Louis. You have no business being in sports.
Jeremy: Yes, sir.
Isaac: Florida State, 4th and 2 on the Purdue 39 and down by 9. What's Bowden gonna do, kick or play?
Jeremy: I really don't know.
Isaac: I'm asking what you think.
Jeremy: Well it'd really just be a guess.
Isaac: I want you to guess.
Jeremy: I don't like to guess.
Isaac: Guess anyway.
Casey: Come on, come on.
Isaac: Because this is fun, a job should be fun.
Jeremy: I'm having fun.
Isaac: You should have more.
Jeremy: I'm having a lot of fun.
Jeremy: I'm having tons of fun!
Jeremy: All right fine. He's gonna split 3 wide receivers and put a tight end in the back field with the tailback in motion. A play action fake will freeze the strong safety and Kittis will find his receiver over the middle. It's a play called Red Rocket Right Slant 42 Z Out. He'll get the first down. Probably a lot more.
Isaac: What are you, insane?
Casey: Wait, wait, wait, they're not kicking. (Isaac unmutes TV)
Sportscaster: Kittis lines up under center with three wide receivers split and the tight end in the backfield. Tight end in motion, the play action fake, and Kittis has Renfo over the middle for the first down and more. First and ten, Florida State on the 19. Incredible! That's a play Coach Bowden's got called Red Rocket Right, Slant 42, Z out.
Isaac: You take a lot of the fun out of this, Jeremy.
Dan: Newport's gonna put up a challenge, New Zealand and Australia each have new keals and Japan is looking for an American tachtician, maybe even a whole new after guard. Now interestingly, Italy has developed a new 140% genoa, but IRC says it might not meet specs because of a bolt in the back step.
Dana: Honest to God, I have no idea what sport you're talking about.
Casey: Dan's talking about the rough and tumble, livin the razors edge, run till you drop, never say die world of off shore yacht racing.
Kim: Time for the America's Cup?
Dan: We're only a year and a half away.
Dana: I don't wanna get scooped, but we can probably postpone our coverage for like, a year and a half, can't we?
Dan: Greatest sport in the world Dana, greatest sport. Great for kids.
Natalie: All you need is $40 million and a dream.
Dana: On the NHL-
Dan: 'I must go down to the sea again, to the lonely sea and the sky. To the flung spume and the blown spray and the...' i dunno, thing in my eye.
Dana: Thank you.
Dan: That was a poem by Mr. Henry David Thoreau.
Casey: It's Wordsworth.
Dan: Or Wordsworth.
Elliot: It might be Whitman.
Kim: It might be Byron.
Dan: It's not Byron.
Casey: I think it is Whitman.
Isaac: It's not Whitman.
Casey: I think it is.
Isaac: It's not Walt Whitman.
Casey: Well, I'm saying I think it's Slim Whitman.
Dana: Fellas, we have 10 NHL games, 8 NBA, two of them on the west coast so let's stay in business on 30 through 50. Edmonton's at Calgary and we'll pick it up on the 2 am.
Dan: Can I say something?
Dan: There's a chance it might be Dylan Thomas
Dana: You have to imagine, Danny, how much I don't give a damn about blown spume.
Dan: Actually it's flung spume and blown spray, but actually I like your way better.
Dana: Kim, Elliot, I'm going to need some people to triple up on games tonight.
Jeremy: I can do it.
Dana: you're not gonna be available.
Jeremy: Why not?
Isaac: We're gonna talk to you about it later.
Dana: Meet us in Isaac's office right after lunch.
Casey: Is Jeremy getting the call?
Dana: He's getting the call.
Jeremy: I'm getting the call?
Dan: You're getting the call.
Jeremy: I don't know what that means.
Elliot: It means you're getting the call.
Jeremy: I still don't know what that means.
Dana: Isaac's office after lunch, meantime...
Jeremy: I'm sorry, I just... is getting the call, you know... good?
Dana: Better than a poke in the eye.
Jeremy: How much better?
Dana: We'll talk about it after lunch. Natalie's got a memo from downstairs about next Thursday night.
Natalie: Just a note from the PR office, that the reception's black tie. The cars will pick you up after the show and wait for you at the Four Seasons.
Dan: Is 'next Thursday' this Thursday or next Thursday?
Natalie: This Thursday.
Casey: Dana said next Thursday.
Dana: This coming Thursday. Today is Monday. Three days from now it will be Thursday.
Casey: We knew what today was we just didn't know what Thursday was.
Natalie: It's Thursday.
Dan: Got it.
Casey: Can I ask again, is it absolutely necessary that we participate in this?
Casey: Yes I can ask again, or yes...
Natalie: You have to go.
Casey: Luther Sachs expects us to get off the air at midnight, change our clothes, hop in a car and go to his cotilion?
Dana: These are pretty ornate invitations for a reception.
Natalie: (whispering) What are you wearing?
Dana: The black Richard Tyler
Natalie: You're fine.
Casey: October the 8th, Nineteen hundred and ninety-eight AD. AD... they're worried I might actually show up 2,000 years before the birth of Christ.
Natalie: A half hour. You have a drink, you have a thing, they take your picture, you're out of there.
Casey: This Thursday.
Dan: What shoes are you wearing?
Casey: Whatever shoes are on my feet.
Dan: I was talking to Dana.
Dana: Mahnolo Blahnik.
Dan: Black silk slingback?
Casey: Thank you Coco Chanel.
Dana: Bumpers in and out of commerical six, we're waiting on the Pete Sampras announcement, and Mike Maravich may or may not be named Athletic Director at TCU. Thank you, that's all.
Natalie: Back here at 3.
Isaac: This doesn't originate at the network level. This is an FCC regulation.
Jeremy: Excuse me!
Dana: Hey Jeremy.
Jeremy: I wasn't sure, when you said 'after lunch' is that after I eat lunch or after you eat lunch?
Dana: What time do you eat lunch?
Jeremy: Whenever you want.
Isaac: Let's do this now. You worked for Mark Sabbath over at USA Today.
Isaac: He's a friend of mine.
Jeremy: He used to mention that.
Dana: We think you're doing real well here Jeremy, and we'd like you to get some segment-producing experience. (into phone) Natalie, I'm in Isaac's office. Would you bring me the material for Jeremy? (hangs up) Throughbred racing, golf chat, beach volleyball.
Isaac: It's not a prestige assignment. It just let's us take a look at what you can do.
Dana: We're sending you out this week to put together two 7 minute segments for the CSC Outdoorsmen.
Jeremy: The hunting show?
Dana: Camping, fishing, hiking.
Jeremy: And hunting. I mean, there's hunting along with the camping and fishing and hiking.
Isaac: Is that a problem?
Jeremy: The hunting?
Jeremy: (pause) No sir.
Jeremy: No problem.
Jeremy: It's just... I don't know anything about hunting. I've never hunted. I've got a deli on the corner and they deliver 24 hours so... (Natalie appears in doorway)
Natalie: This is some briefing material we put together for you. You should take it home and study it the rest of the day. Tomorrow morning, you'll take a van with your crew, up to the Adirondacks where you'll meet Bob Shoemaker the professional guide, and Ed Bruckner from the Cincinatti Reds, the guest celebrity. Wednesday you're going to go after New England Blue Mallard. Thursday, you're going after deer. Deer get very big in the Adirondacks, so be careful. Friday you come home and cut your segments together. All that information is in here plus all your contacts at the show.
Isaac: Any questions?
Jeremy: Am I being punished because I guessed right on that Florida State game?
Jeremy: Mr. Jaffee, it was a guess. You asked me to guess, so I guessed.
Dana: What's he talking about?
Isaac: A lucky guess.
Jeremy: That's right.
Isaac: Oh, I'm late for a lunch. Jeremy, you're gonna do fine. I'll see you at the end of the week. (exits)
Natalie: And we've got a camera meeting in the studio.
Dana: Ah. I'll see you Friday. Knock our socks off. (exits)
Jeremy: He talked to Mark Sabath.
Jeremy: Yeah, he talked to Mark Sabath, my old boss.
Natalie: Isaac and Mark Sabath go way back.
Jeremy: Yeah, I know.
Natalie: Listen, I brought you some snacks for the ride up.
Natalie: It's nothing. Candy and stuff I got from the machine... Twinkies.
Jeremy: Thanks a lot.
Natalie: Don't be so nervous, Jeremy. Enjoy it. You're getting the call. (exits)
Jeremy: I still don't know what that means!
Natalie: What are you doing?
Dan: Reading the paper.
Natalie: Why aren't you changed?
Dan: Into what?
Natalie: Your tuxedo.
Dan: Today is Thursday.
Dan: Today is next Thursday.
Natalie: It's this Thursday. Today is next Thursday.
Dan: I'll go change.
Natalie: Wait. There are two cars downstairs.
Natalie: I want you to ride with Isaac.
Natalie: I want you to ride with Isaac so Casey rides with Dana.
Dan: That's fine.
Natalie: I want Casey to ride with Dana.
Dan: I get it.
Natalie: Do you?
Dan: I ride with Isaac and Casey and Dana fall in love.
Dan: Wow, is that a stupid plan. (walks away)
Natalie: Go change!
Kim: Well, hold still.
Casey: You're stabbing me in the chest.
Kim: I'm stabbing you in the chest because you're squirming.
Casey: I'm really pretty sure it's the other way around.
Dan: I've been thinking a lot about soccer lately.
Dan: Pretty much through with that.
Dan: Yeah, to save my life, I couldn't name 5 teams that play in the MLS. I know there's Luxembourg.
Casey: The MLS is an American soccer league.
Dan: Luxembourg doesn't play in this league?
Dan: So I don't even know Luxembourg.
Casey: Ow, again!
Kim: You know, this is what you get for being a grown man who can't dress himself.
Casey: I used to have a wife for that.
Dan: I'll tell you what else. I'm starting to get a little cheesed at the people who tell me the reason I don't like soccer, is that I don't understand it. I think do understand it. I think I understand it just fine. I just happen to think it's a mind-numbing bore and any reasonable person would rather be playing it than watching it.
Casey: Well, I know it doesn't match the pulse pounding excitement of a good sailboat race.
Natalie: Wait until you see Dana. She looks amazing.
Dan: All right, nobody move. Name five teams that play in the MLS. And Casey says it's an American soccer league so you can't choose Luxembourg. Go.
Natalie: Colombus Crew.
Elliot: Miami Fire.
Natalie: New England Revolution
Kim: Tampa Bay Mutiny
Natalie: D.C. United
Dave: Chicago Fire
Natalie: Colorado Rapids
Chris: Dallas Burn
Natalie: Kansas City Wizards
Will: Los Angeles Galaxy
Natalie: And the New York/New Jersey Metrostars.
Dan: You all just made that up, didn't you?
Casey: You got smoked.
Natalie: Yeah. The cars are waiting downstairs. Right, Dan? The cars?
Dan: Yeah, yeah.
Dan & Casey's office:
Dan: Say, about these cars?
Casey: What about them?
Dan: There are two of them.
Casey: There are four of us.
Dan: I was just thinking I could ride with Isaac if you like.
Dan: So you could ride with Dana.
Casey: Why would I want to ride with Dana?
Dan: Why wouldn't you want to ride with Dana?
Casey: There's no reason why I wouldn't want to ride with Dana.
Dan: You see?
Casey: I'm just wondering why in particular you asked me specifically if I wanted to ride with Dana.
Dan: You don't wanna ride with Dana?
Casey: No, I'm happy to ride with Dana. I'm also happy to ride with you or with Isaac.
Casey: What's more important is, you know, why did you ask me?
Dan: Why did I ask you what?
Casey: If I wanted to ride with Dana.
Dan: I gotta tell you, at this point the length of this conversation is way out of proportion to my interest in it.
Casey: Well, all right, let's just leave it at that.
Casey: Except to say this: I just finished an hour long broadcast at the end of a 14 hour day. I'm not in the mood to go to a party, not in the mood to have my picture taken, and I'm not in the mood to notice Dana's dress or notice Dana's hair or notice Dana's shoes. Dana's not my date, she's my producer and the work day's over. I'm not in the mood to notice anything tonight. (walks out of office)
Dana: Forgot my purse.
Casey watches her walk past, walks backwards, trips and falls down.
Dan: On your feet partner. Let's go.
Elliot: Oh, Dan. Where's Isaac?
Dan: Control Room.
Elliot: (enters Control Room) Isaac? Bob Shoemaker's calling from the Adirondacks. Something happened with Jeremy.
Isaac: (picks up phone) Isaac Jaffee. What's going on?
Man: Studio A, this is Master Control. You're up on Router 21.
Dave: Thank you.
Dana: Five minutes to air. Natalie, find out why Dan isn't in the studio.
Will: Chicago says they're sound level's low.
Dana: Let me hear them. Talk to me Chicago.
Chris: They are talking to you, Dana.
Dana: They're talking to me now.
Dana: I can't hear them.
Dave: Switch them to four.
Chris: We're on four.
Dana: I can't hear Chicago.
Dave: We'll fix it.
Dana: You have four minutes.
Dan & Casey's office:
Natalie: Why aren't you in the studio?
Dan: I'm trying to avoid Casey.
Dan: He's making me crazy. He's been making me crazy all day. It doesn't work for me. I'm more comfortable when I'm making him crazy.
Natalie: Why is he making you crazy?
Dan: Well, it seems he met a girl last night.
Dan: Of course.
Natalie: It was the dress!
Dan: It's because you made me play musical cars.
Natalie: It was the dress and the cars.
Dan: In combination with a number of things, not the least of which that she was spending time with another guy at the party.
Natalie: Now we're in business.
Dan: I'd love to be out of the loop on the next piece of drama we're going to enjoy around here.
Dana over intercom: Dan, we need you in the studio please.
Dan: But I don't think that's gonna happen.
Chris: We've got Chicago.
Dana: Oh, thank you thank you thank you. Let me hear the studio.
Will: Which studio?
Dana Our studio!
Chris: You're not hearing them now?
Dana: I'm not hearing them now.
Dave: That's a problem.
Dana: Yes. If I can't hear the show, I can't produce the show. They taught me that in producing school. You've got 90 seconds.
Kim: 4-3 defense.
Dan: Thank you.
Casey: Hey. Let me ask you a quick question.
Dan: You know, right now may not be the best time.
Casey: This is important.
Dan: What's the question.
Casey: How many people can you think of named Gordon?
Dan: How many people can I think of named Gordon?
Casey: That's how many I got. Which were your two?
Dan: Gordon Lightfoot and Gordon Liddy.
Casey: Those were my two. Those were the exact same two that I got, can you think of any more?
Dave: We're live in 60 seconds. Roll VTR.
Dan: Can somebody help me please?
Casey: They can't hear you in there.
Casey: Can you think of any more?
Casey: Neither can I.
Casey: And it's my feeling that if those are the only two I got, and those are the only two you got, those should be the only two there are.
Dan: Granting the premise.
Casey: And you should.
Dan: I am.
Casey: You should grant the premise, Danny.
Dan: I do.
Dave: 30 seconds
Casey: Because we're both two pretty well educated people, we both thought about it and we both came up with only two Gordons.
Dan: I'm granting the damn premise.
Casey: You should.
Dan: Casey, you're driving me...
Casey: My point is, here we are. We're going along in life and everything's fine. As far as we know there are only two Gordons out there. When all of a sudden, a third one comes along.
Dan: The guy talking to Dana at the thing last night.
Casey: The guy talking to Dana. The guy out there talking to Dana. Gordon.
Chris: We've got sound.
Dana: Oh thank God.
Casey: That's all I had to say.
Dan: Thank merciful God.
Dave: In 3, 2, 1...
Casey: Good Evening. From New York City, I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell. Those stories plus, grab your galoshes we're taking you out to the Iditorad.
Dan: Why? 'Cause we just can't believe it ourselves. Also, grab your notebooks, we're going to take you inside the 4-3 defense, on this week's edition of 'Inside the 4-3 Defense.'
Casey: All that after this. You're watching Sports Night on CSC so stick around.
Dave: We're out. Back in 60.
Dana: Dave, Chris, Will, what are you guys doing tomorrow at 10?
Dave: Got a basketball game at the Y.
Will: Yeah, it's a 3 on 3 with the guys...
Dana: Dave, Chris, Will, What are you doing tomorrow at 10?
Chris: Fixing the sound?
Dana: There you go.
Elliot: Camera, your wrap is 12:06. Let's not take it into golden time.
Casey: One more question.
Dan: Can I get a teamster to hit Casey on the head with something heavy?
Casey: Look, how did you know the guy's name was Gordon?
Dan: We were introduced.
Casey: At the reception.
Casey: By Dana.
Dan: Not really.
Casey: You think they were on a date?
Casey: You think they were on a date.
Casey: I totally disagree. She introduced you to him, big deal. It's not like she walked up to you and said, 'Dan, this is my date, Gordon.' I wanna know exactly what she said when she introduced you to him.
Dan: She said, 'Dan. This is my date, Gordon.'
Casey: All right, we're cranking this whole thing up a notch. (walks into office)
Natalie: You're back!
Jeremy: Thank you.
Elliot: Hey, how'd it go?
Jeremy: Yeah. Cut together pretty good.
Natalie: We saw the rough cut a few hours ago. We thought it looked great.
Jeremy: Thank you.
Natalie: When you get a final cut, we'll send it to your parents in a nice package. It's your first on-screen credit. They'll flip.
Jeremy: They'll like it.
Dan: Welcome back.
Casey: Hey how'd it go?
Jeremy: Real good.
Isaac: Jeremy, can we see you in my office for a moment?
Jeremy: Yeah sure. What's up?
Isaac: My office.
Isaac: I was wondering why you were lying just now.
Jeremy: What do you mean?
Dana: Jeremy, did you think we weren't going to find out?
Isaac: What the hell happened out there?
Jeremy: It was nothing.
Dana: It was not nothing.
Jeremy: I got sick. I threw up.
Dana: They took you to the hospital when you passed out.
Jeremy: I told them they didn't...
Dana: Bob Shoemaker said you were sweating and hyperventilating.
Jeremy: It was hot outside.
Dana: Not in the Adirondacks in October.
Isaac: Tell us about your hunting trip.
Dana: The first day you were going after New England Blue Mallard.
Jeremy: (pauses) Yeah. Bob and Eddie were using the IR 50 Recon by Bushcomber. It's got a 16 inch microgroove barrel with .30-.30 mags, side scope mount, wire cutter sheath, quick release bolt, mag catches and a 3 pound trigger. So I figured we must be going after a pretty dangerous duck.
Isaac: You can wiseass all you want. You're gonna tell me what happened.
Jeremy: We shot a deer! In the woods by Lake Matatuck on the second day. There was a special vest they had me wear so they could distinguish me from things they wanted to shoot, so I was pretty grateful for that. Almost the whole day had gone by, and we hadn't gotten anything. Eddie was getting frustrated and Bob Shoemaker was getting embarrassed. My camera guy needed to reload so I told everyone to take a 10 minute break. There was a stream near by and I walked over with this care package Natalie made me. Sat down. When I looked up I saw three of them: small, bigger, biggest. Recognizable to any species on the planet as a child, a mother and a father. Now the trick with shooting deer is that you have to get them out in the open, and it's tough with deer 'cause these are clever cagey animals with an intuitive sense of danger. You know what you have to do to get a deer out into the open? You hold out a Twinkie. That animal clopped up to me like we were at a party. She seemed to be pretty interested in the Twinkie, so I gave it to her. Looking back, she'd have been better off if I'd given her the damn vest. And Bob kind of screamed at me and whispered, 'Move away!' The camera had been reloaded and it looked like the day wasn't going to be a washout after all. So I back away. A couple of steps at a time. And I closed my eyes when I heard the shot. Look I know these are animals and they don't play bridge or go to the prom, but you can't tell me that little one didn't know who his mother was. That's got to mean something. And later at the hospital, Bob Shoemaker was telling me about the nobility and tradition of hunting, and how it was related to the Native American Indians and I nodded and said that was interesting, while I was thinking about what a load of crap it was! Hunting was part of Indian culture. It was food and it was clothes and it was shelter. They sang and danced and they offered prayers to the gods for a successful huntso that they could survive one more unimaginably brutal winter. The things that they killed held the highest place of respect for them and to kill for fun was a sin. And they knew the gods wouldn't be so generous next time. What we did wasn't food and it wasn't shelter and it wasn't sports! It was just mean!
Isaac: Jeremy. Why didn't you tell us how you felt about hunting when we gave you this?
Jeremy: Because you told me that you spoke to Mark Sabath at USA Today. In fact, I know you must have spoken to him before you hired me.
Isaac: Of course I did. I also spoke to Dave Heller at the Free Press. And Tom Monahan at the Sacramento Bee.
Jeremy: And they all said pretty much the same thing.
Isaac: Yes, they all said that Jeremy Goodwin was a bright guy, with a world class understanding of popular sports, but that he didn't quite fit in and there was little chance that he'd advance in their organization.
Jeremy: All due respect, Mr. Jaffee, but I have $80,000 in college loans to pay back. My instincts told me to shut the the hell up and do what I was told.
Isaac: Your instincts were wrong.
Jeremy: Not fitting in is how qualified people lose jobs.
Isaac: Yeah, but a lot of the time, it's how they end up working here. Now you had an obligation to tell us how you felt. Partly because I don't like getting a phone call saying that I've put one of my people in the hospital. But mostly because if you feel that strongly about something you have a responsibility to try and change my mind! Did you think I would fire you simply because you made a convincing argument? It's taken me a lot of years, but I've come around to this: if you're dumb, surround yourself with smart people. If you're smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you. I'm an awfully smart man and Mark Sabath is an idiot. He had you, and he blew it. You're gonna do great here, but you gotta trust us. You fit in on your own time. When you come to work for me, you show up to play. I'm going home. (grabs jacket) You don't know us very well. So if it's hard trusting us in the beginning maybe it will help to know that we trust you. Good night. (exits)
Dana: Good night. I'll see you Monday. (exits) "Hymn to Her" by The Pretenders starts playing
Jeremy: Good night. (dials phone) Hi, dad. It's me. No nothing's wrong. I just wanted to tell you something nice happened at work today. I got the call.