blonde high heeled feminist (notashamed) wrote in sntranscripts,
blonde high heeled feminist
notashamed
sntranscripts

Season 2: Episode 18: The Fall of Ryan O'Brian

Studio
CASEY: A 6' 7", 325-pound tackle out of Oregon State, Anthony Papajohn goes to Tampa Bay with the 22nd pick in the first round. Dan, I'm told at the Scouting Combine last winter that Papajohn ran the 40-yard dash in 4.4 seconds. That's pretty fast for somebody his size.
DAN: That's pretty fast for someone anyone's size, though I suppose any play designed for an offensive lineman to run 40 yards is probably ill-conceived. Let's get back to the Garden where Kelly Kirkpatrick is standing by live. Kelly?

Isaac's Office
JEREMY: Fire me.
ISAAC: What?
JEREMY: Fire me. Do it now.
ISAAC: Why?
JEREMY: I'm a bad worker.
ISAAC: No, you're not.
JEREMY: I come late, I leave early.
ISAAC: You come early and you stay late. You come in on your days off.
JEREMY: And isn't that a little weird?
ISAAC: Oh, yeah.
JEREMY: Well, then, enough's enough, Isaac. Fire me.
ISAAC: I'm not firing you.
JEREMY: I say things behind your back.
ISAAC: No, you don't.
JEREMY: It's behind your back, Isaac. There's no way you'd know.
ISAAC: It'd get back to me.
JEREMY: No, these things are too terrible and I can't live with the guilt. I'll save you the trouble of firing me and simply offer my resignation.
ISAAC: I won't accept it.
JEREMY: You have to accept it.
ISAAC: You have a contract.
JEREMY: Then fire me.
ISAAC: No.
JEREMY: I'm a racist.
ISAAC: Really?
JEREMY: Yeah, I'm a terrible racist, but I've been in the closet all these years, and I've decided I need to live an honest life. And I think all those people with the different skin colors and the funny accents should go back where they came from and leave America to the white people who killed the Indians in the first place -- which they deserved.
ISAAC: Jeremy--
JEREMY: The whole country's being taken over by the blacks and the Jews.
ISAAC: You're Jewish.
JEREMY: Well, I've got to be stopped, Isaac.
ISAAC: Jeremy, what is the matter with you?
JEREMY: I'm totally screwed!

*c-break*

(continued)
JEREMY: I'm totally screwed.
ISAAC: Porn star problems?
JEREMY: Yes.
ISAAC: She's coming here?
JEREMY: Yes.
ISAAC: This afternoon.
JEREMY: Yes.
ISAAC: Natalie doesn't know about her yet?
JEREMY: She knows I'm seeing someone.
ISAAC: But she doesn't know it's a porn star.
JEREMY: Do we have to call her a porn star? Can we call her an adult-film actress or simply Jenny? Is it important that we say "porn star" as many times as possible? Can we have a civilization, for crying out loud?
ISAAC: Ok, ok, you're freaking out again.
JEREMY: Yes.
ISAAC: Why'd you ask Jenny to come here?
JEREMY: I wanted to demonstrate to her that I have no problem with who she is or what she does for a living, that I can bring her to my workplace, my place of business, and introduce her to my friends with my head held high, with no puritanical judgements. That it's her and me and let the rest of the world be damned if they don't like it. I told her to come here today so she could see I'm not the person she thinks I am.
ISAAC: And?
JEREMY: I'm exactly the person she thinks I am.
ISAAC: Well, that's not too bad.
JEREMY: I told her to come here at 3:00, knowing we'd be done with the first-round coverage by midday and Natalie would be gone by then. You know the only thing that could foil my plan?
ISAAC: Yeah, if it started to rain at Indian Wells.
JEREMY: How can it be raining at Indian Wells?
ISAAC: Maybe it's the rainy season.
JEREMY: Indian Wells is a desert, Isaac. If deserts had a rainy season, they'd be called something else.
ISAAC: Fair point.
JEREMY: I also told Natalie that Jenny is a choreo-animator.
ISAAC: What's a choreo-animator?
JEREMY: Someone who choreographs the dances in cartoons.
ISAAC: You mean like the hippos in Fantasia?
JEREMY: Yeah.
ISAAC: That's a great job. Nothing wrong with being a choreo-animator.
JEREMY: Right. Except she's not a choreo-animator, she's a porn star.
ISAAC: Damn.
JEREMY: You're telling me these people can't play tennis in the rain?
ISAAC: Well, those are clay courts out there and I think probably the ball would lose a little bounce coming off the mud.
JEREMY: Net game, net game, net game. Whatever happened to the fundamentals? For the love of God, a little civilization is all I ask.
ISAAC: Jeremy.
JEREMY: Right. So, fire me.
ISAAC: Sorry, kid, you're just too good. I need you here.
JEREMY: What if I stand right in your office and look you in the eye and call you Sambo?
ISAAC: (laughs) Thanks for stopping by, Jeremy. You crack me up.
JEREMY: I didn't sell it.
ISAAC: No.
JEREMY: How do the real racists do it?
ISAAC: It's too late for you, son. You got to be taught by your parents.
JEREMY: I suppose.
ISAAC: Go back to work.
JEREMY: Yes, sir.

Studio/Control Room
CASEY: Offensive tackle Anthony Papajohn taken by Tampa Bay with the 22nd pick. Pittsburgh's on the clock. We're gonna take a quick break. You're watching live coverage of Draft Day 2000 right here on CSC, so stick around.
DAVE: We're out.
CASEY: That was funny before.
DAN: Yeah?
CASEY: About if a lineman has to run 40 yards, this play was probably ill-conceived.
DAN: Thanks.
CASEY: Look--
DAN: Drop dead.
CASEY: Danny--
DAN: You owe me an apology, jackass. And until I get one, keep your reviews to yourself.
CASEY: I'm sorry.
DAN: Yeah?
CASEY: I'm very sorry.
DAN: I don't think you are.
CASEY: I am. In fact, I'm so sorry, it's almost hard for me to think of different ways to say "bite me."
DAN: I think you've come up with quite enough for one day.
CASEY: Oh, no, no, no, no, I don't think I have. Look, can we continue this conversation someplace else?
DAN: No, I want to stay out here, Casey. I don't want to miss a precious moment of Draft Day 2000.
CASEY: Would you get your ass back here? (they stand up and go backstage) You understand when you throw a hissy fit 'cause a rainout in Indian Wells means you got to work longer, you send seismic shock waves through an organization full of people who are under the impression we all enjoy doing this together?
DAN: It's not part of my job to make sure everybody's having a good time, ok? If it is, I need to be paid more.
CASEY: I manage to do it whether it's a part of my job or not.
DAN: Maybe that's 'cause you are paid more.
CASEY: Well, I'm paid considerably more, Danny, is that what you want to talk about?
DAN: Well, excuse me for finding it baffling. We do the exact same work. I write half the show. You write half the show. Why--
CASEY: Well, maybe it's because who knows when you're gonna decide you'd rather play 18 holes than anchor team coverage?
DAN: God, Casey, aren't you interested in having any life at all outside the studio?
CASEY: Not really, but when I do decide to step out, will you be the one to show me how it goes, 'cause your life's so hot, Danny? (they return to the anchor desk) We didn't have enough to fight about -- you had to bring up the money?
DAN: Sorry. Was I bringing you down on Draft Day 2000? Why don't you go into the control room and pick up the troops? That will make you feel better.
CASEY: You know what? I'm a capitalist like everyone else in this country and I'm paid exactly what the market will bear. My agent asks for an amount and that's why they pay me 'cause they know if they won't, somebody else will. You ask for the same thing, they won't pay it to you because nobody else will.
DAN: Meaning?
CASEY: You came with me. Deal with it.
DAVE: In 10.
DAN: I know it's real hard taking off that Eagle Scout uniform 'cause you look so snappy in it, but I never wanted your help, I never needed your help, and God knows I never asked for it.
CASEY: Yeah, bite me.
DAVE: In 3, 2...
DAN: Welcome back. Pittsburgh still has two minutes and change before they announce their first pick of the draft, who will very likely be...
CASEY: My man Lashon.
DAN: Lashon be the mon. Lashon Tarrington of the Florida State Seminoles. A wide receiver drafted out of FSU. What were the odds?
CASEY: Very good indeed.
DAN: You know, I came this close to being drafted as a wide receiver?
CASEY: Really? What happened?
DAN: Well, I never actually played organized ball.
CASEY: Ah.
DAN: And even if I had, wasn't fast enough to be a wide receiver.
CASEY: But, other than that...
DAN: This close, my friend.
CASEY: Pittsburgh's made their selection. Let's go to the Garden for the commissioner's announcement.
DAVE: Go one.
NATALIE: Desk at standby.
DANA: I am so happy in my t-shirt. I really am. And I know you'd all be happy, too, if you were wearing yours. I got a whole sack of t-shirts back in my office.
KIM: Dana?
DANA: Yeah?
KIM: Elliot has something he'd like to say.
ELLIOT: No, I don't.
KIM: Yes, you do.
DANA: Guys?
DAVE: You're driving him nutsy with the t-shirts.
DANA: Really?
DAVE: I, on the other hand, would like one.
WILL: Oh, me too.
CHRIS: I'd like a t-shirt as well.
KIM: Suck ups.
DAVE: Yes, indeed.
ELLIOT: Give me a t-shirt.
KIM: Give me one too. I'll make it look good.
DANA: Ah, I'll go get the bag.
NATALIE: I'll go with you. (they exit the Control Room)

News Room/Hallways/Dana's Office
DANA: You see? I got them wearing t-shirts. Ha ha! Tell me I don't have leadership skills.
NATALIE: So, it is confirmed, by the way.
DANA: Yeah?
NATALIE: Jeremy's seeing someone new.
DANA: That's what I'd heard.
NATALIE: Well, now it's confirmed.
DANA: Yeah? You know what she does?
NATALIE: As a matter of fact, I do. She's a professional choreo-animator.
DANA: She teaches dances to cartoon characters?
NATALIE: She doesn't teach them, she makes them up.
DANA: Of course.
NATALIE: Then she demonstrates them to the animators, who draw-- oh, who the hell cares? He's over me.
DANA: Oh, not so fast. This is a rebound girl while the two of you take a break.
NATALIE: No, this is what he wanted. A choreo-animator. Could anything be more symbolic?
DANA: Natalie--
NATALIE: We broke up fundamentally 'cause I wanted to experience more of the world and he was happy with what he had. Now he can spend the rest of his life with the cartoon characters that graced the walls of his boyhood bedroom during what I'm sure was a very safe and happy childhood.
DANA: Cartoon characters graced the walls of his boyhood bedroom?
NATALIE: How the hell do I know, Dana? I'm speaking metaphorically.
DANA: Oh, well, you should let me know when you do that.
NATALIE: (gestures to Dana's bandage) I don't understand. You just fell down?
DANA: Yes.
NATALIE: How did you fall down?
DANA: I don't know. I was at home.
NATALIE: How did you fall down so that you only hurt that part of your face?
DANA: I didn't trace the trajectory or anything. I just, boop, fell down. Mmm-hmm.
NATALIE: (looking at monitors) Pittsburgh took Simon Marcus.
DANA: That's not what they need.
NATALIE: They're gonna turn him into what they need.
DANA: We're gonna be back. Let's go.
NATALIE: Oh, Dana.
DANA: Yeah?
NATALIE: The t-shirts.
DANA: The t-shirts.

Elevator Lobby
CASEY: Why don't you tell her these are special circumstances?
JEREMY: Yeah?
CASEY: Special circumstances. It's your ex-girlfriend, you made up a story 'cause you knew how hurt she'd be if she knew the truth.
JEREMY: Well, that's great, except it's not true.
CASEY: Well, who cares? It's special circumstances.
JEREMY: I didn't make up the story for Natalie. I made it up for everybody.
CASEY: Anyway, special circumstances.
JEREMY: "Hi, I made up this story about you 'cause the whole idea of you embarrasses me." What kind of man does that to a woman?
CASEY: What, you don't think guys have done that to her before?
JEREMY: I know they have. That's the point. She shouldn't ever have to deal with that again, not ever. It's cheap, it's shoddy, it's something less than right.
CASEY: Well, sounds like you're ready to go for it.
JEREMY: I am, I absolutely am. I mean, if not now, when? If not me, then who?
CASEY: Later and somebody else.
JEREMY: If you could see her face.
CASEY: By the way, when I do, am I gonna be able to recognize her?
JEREMY: I don't know.
STAFFER: Two minutes back.
CASEY: Oh, we're coming around again. I got to get back in.
JEREMY: Ok.
CASEY: I'll see you inside.
(The elevator doors open. Jenny has arrived.)
JENNY: Hey, sport.
JEREMY: Hey.

*c-break*

(continued)
JEREMY: You look fantastic.
JENNY: Thank you.
JEREMY: I mean, fantastic.
JENNY: I do?
JEREMY: Really, I-- I mean, your taste in clothes--
JENNY: It's blue jeans and a sweatshirt.
JEREMY: Well, you must know the special shops of something 'cause this outfit--
JENNY: Jeremy, what have you done?
JEREMY: It's kind of a complicated question.
JENNY: Well, I'm a pretty smart girl, Jeremy. Why don't you run it by me?
JEREMY: Well, I believe you are worthy of nothing less than total honesty. There is nothing about your life that anyone need snicker at and anybody who does, I certainly have no use for. Nor is there anything about your life that I feel ashamed of. So, I have told everybody the absolute truth.
JENNY: Really?
JEREMY: Yes. Except no.
JENNY: What am I?
JEREMY: A choreo-animator.
JENNY: A choreo-animator?
JEREMY: Yes.
JENNY: I make up dances for cartoon characters?
JEREMY: Yes.
JENNY: I'm going home.
JEREMY: Please don't.
JENNY: Why?
JEREMY: Special circumstances.
JENNY: Jeremy--
JEREMY: N-- no, special circumstances. Jenny, I mean everything I said there before. I really do feel that way, but you got to appreciate that this isn't easy. You gotta appreciate that it isn't easy for people to hear, and it isn't easy for me to say. But I'm trying hard. I'm not doing that well, but I'm trying hard and you got to acknowledge that that's something.
JENNY: Let's go.
JEREMY: You really do look fantastic.
JENNY: Shut up.
JEREMY: Absolutely.

Studio/Control Room
DAN: And that's what they were looking for.
CASEY: Kendall Gates, the Wolverines' all-time record-holding pass-catching tight end from Tuskegee, will be trading in the maize and blue of Michigan for the silver and black of Oakland as the 5th pick of the second round.

ELLIOT: I don't understand, you just fell?
DANA: Yes.
ELLIOT: Well, how do you fall so that that's the only part of your face that you hit?
DANA: Practice. Natalie, Ryan O'Brian has been passed up by 31 teams.
NATALIE: Five of them twice. He's not going to Arizona, either.
DANA: Why don't you put together some stuff for Dan and Casey to talk about?
NATALIE: It'll take a few minutes.
DANA: Go.

News Room
JEREMY: This is the newsroom.
JENNY: It's very cool.
JEREMY: I know. This is a girl, everybody. Her name is Jenny. This is our third date. No one asked me what you do for a living, for surely if they had, I'd have told them.
JENNY: Mmm-hmm. Where's Natalie?
JEREMY: Huh?
JENNY: Doesn't Natalie work in the newsroom?
JEREMY: Oh, not during show time. During show time that girl is glued to her seat in the control room.
NATALIE: Hey, Jeremy.
JEREMY: And there's no civilization to be found on the planet.
NATALIE: You must be Jenny.
JENNY: Natalie.
NATALIE: Good to meet you.
JENNY: I hope I'm not in the way.
NATALIE: Not at all. Make sure you get the whole tour.
JEREMY: Ok, civilization lives.
NATALIE: Is it true you're a choreo-animator?
JENNY: Yes.
NATALIE: That's really interesting. How did you get into that?
JENNY: Oh, it's, uh...
JEREMY: Nat, who's on the clock?
NATALIE: Oakland, then Seattle. And Ryan O'Brian.
JEREMY: This is a guy who was supposed to go in the first round then fell to the second and still hasn't gone.
NATALIE: And Dana wants to feed something to Dan and Casey.
JEREMY: So you gotta go. We totally understand.
NATALIE: Actually, I was gonna give it to you.
JEREMY: Farming out assignments, Natalie? Should you really be shirking your responsibilities like that?
NATALIE: My responsibilities are to farm out assignments.
JEREMY: Right. Ok, sitting right here tight at my desk, where I will put together material on Ryan O'Brian. And if you two stand right there, I'll be in earshot should anything happen.
NATALIE: How did you become a choreo-animator?
JENNY: Well, believe it or not, I'd come to New York on a dance scholarship, actually, to study at Juilliard, um, but I had people back home who needed money and I could always draw. And, uh, a guy offered me money one time to draw, and I did. And so that's what I do now.
NATALIE: I'll think about you every time I see all the fish dancing in The Little Mermaid.
JENNY: Yeah, I'm proud of that one.
NATALIE: Jeremy, uh, Ryan O'Brian.
JEREMY: Huh?
NATALIE: Dan and Casey are gonna need it for the 10 block.
JEREMY: Yeah. (Natalie leaves)
JENNY: She's sweet. Why did you break up with her?
JEREMY: Can I talk to you in there for a second? (they head to Dan & Casey's Office)
JENNY: Yeah.

Dan & Casey's Office
JEREMY: Why didn't you tell me that before?
JENNY: Is this Dan and Casey's office?
JEREMY: Yeah. Why didn't you tell me that before?
JENNY: It's pretty small.
JEREMY: Jenny.
JENNY: Television isn't as glamorous on the other side of the camera, but I, of all people, should know that.
JEREMY: Damn it.
JENNY: You never asked, Jeremy. And I don't go through life singing my sad song so people won't mind me so much.
DANA: Jeremy, did Natalie ask you--
JEREMY: Ryan O'Brian. I'm on it.
DANA: Hi.
JENNY: Hi.
DANA: I'm Dana Whitaker.
JENNY: Hi, Dana.
JEREMY: Dana, we were just in the middle of something.
DANA: Ryan O'Brian?
JEREMY: I'll get you the stuff.
DANA: Why do you suppose he's dropping so--
JEREMY: Because he flunked the Higgins-Ferris test at the Combine. He can't read defenses. He's got the arm, he can move out of the pocket, but he can't read Dr. Seuss, much less a nickel zone. I will get you the stuff.
DANA: Ok. You're a choreo-animator?
JENNY: Yes.
JEREMY: Dana--
DANA: Tell me something. When the Hippos in Fantasia--
JEREMY: She's not a choreo-animator, she's a porn star. You got a problem with that?
DANA: No.
JEREMY: Ok, then. I will get you the stuff on O'Brian.
DANA: Ok. (leaves)
JEREMY: See that? You see what I just did?
JENNY: Jeremy, you did not hear what I said.
JEREMY: No, I did.
JENNY: Look, I don't want what happened, how I got here-- I don't want to have to-- I am perfectly at peace with what I do.
JEREMY: And I am at peace with what you do too.
JENNY: No, you're not.
JEREMY: No, no, I'm not, but I can get there. I really can. I can try and I can get used to it. I mean, you gotta remember, with any two people it's gonna be hard, but these-- I mean, you-- these are special circumstances if ever there were. But I like you so much, Jenny, and it's only our third date. I like you so much and I am telling you the day will come when I'm at peace and until then, I'm just gonna try.
JENNY: It's not good enough for me.
JEREMY: Ok.
JENNY: So long. (leaves)

Dana's Office
Dana is in her office alone, taking some pills and holding her head in her hand.
CASEY: Hey. (Dana jumps) Oh, sorry.
DANA: Oh, you scared me.
CASEY: Sorry.
DANA: I should give you that 100 bucks now.
CASEY: There's still 21 picks left in the second round.
DANA: I missed five. Did you get Rofofsky?
CASEY: Yeah.
DANA: Have you missed any so far?
CASEY: No.
DANA: I gotta get back.
CASEY: Dana, I'm not saying you've got the physical grace of a cougar or anything--
DANA: Look--
CASEY: But you don't just fall down.
DANA: My skin breaks out.
CASEY: I know. I was there in college and that time in L.A.
DANA: It's a recurring nervous condition.
CASEY: What happened?
DANA: It recurred.
CASEY: What are you nervous about?
DANA: I don't know.
CASEY: Is it the show?
DANA: I... really don't know.
CASEY: Look, don't worry about me and Danny, all right?
DANA: Oh, I could kill him sometimes.
CASEY: He blew off the golf game. He stayed for the second round.
DANA: I'm supposed to consider that magnanimous?
CASEY: No. But don't worry about it.
DANA: They put together some stuff on Ryan O'Brian for you.
CASEY: Yeah.
DANA: Give us a 30-, 45-second intro, then throw it to Callie at the Garden. She'll do a quick stand-up, then right back to you.
CASEY: This set?
DANA: Yeah.
CASEY: Ok. So don't worry about it.
DANA: I should've had more t-shirts made.
CASEY: Well, next year.
DANA: Next year, I will. Uh, ok. Let's go.

Studio/Control Room
NATALIE: You'll ask Casey what it means to drop from the first to the second round.
DAN: He'll tell me.
NATALIE: Yes. Then you'll ask about the Higgins-Ferris test.
DAN: And he'll tell me.
NATALIE: Yes.
DAN: Let me ask you a question.
NATALIE: Yeah?
DAN: Why isn't he asking me?
NATALIE: Danny.
DAN: No, I mean, why am I always the one who-- who asks and he's always the one who knows?
NATALIE: You're not always the one, Danny. My assignments are very even. What's more, you know that.
DAN: Not today.
DAVE: 10 seconds live.
NATALIE: Today, I'm pissed at you and I'm in no mood to make you look smart. You don't like it, lump it.
DAN: Natalie.
NATALIE: Take it down the road and dump it. Here we go!
CASEY: Hey, we're doing the, uh--
DAN: Yeah.
CASEY: Ok.
DAVE: In 3, 2...
DAN: We're back. One of the stories we've been tracking today is the fall of quarterback Ryan O'Brian, the fifth-year senior out of Clemson and the runner up for this year's Heisman Trophy. O'Brian was projected as a middle to late first-round pick. Here we are in the second round, and Ryan and the O'Brian family are still waiting for the phone to ring. Casey, tell us, why should we care?
NATALIE: What the hell is he--
CASEY: Why should we care?
DAN: Yeah.
CASEY: Well, a drop from the first round to the second represents a loss of millions of dollars to the player.
DAN: Well, that's why Ryan O'Brian should care. I'm asking why we should care.
CASEY: Ah.
DAN: We're doing it on our show. There must be a reason we think our viewers should or might care that this 22-year-old quarterback from Clemson's gonna make only $3 million his first year instead of 5.
CASEY: Well, I, uh...
DAN: Good answer, Casey. We're gonna go to Callie Gathers at the Garden Maybe she can help us out, Callie?
DAVE: We're out.
CALLIE: Thanks, Dan. Here's the latest on Ryan O'Brian.
CASEY: What the hell was that?
DAN: Look--
CASEY: No, I mean, what the hell are you doing, Danny?
DAN: I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Casey. That-- that was over the line. I'm really sorry. Please.
DAVE: 10 seconds live.

CASEY: Let's get it back.
DAN: Yeah, ok. Yeah.
CASEY: It's all right.
DAVE: In 3, 2...

DAN: Thank you, Callie Gathers. We'll be bringing you more on the fall of Ryan O'Brian as well as all the second-round picks for this: CSC's extended live coverage of Draft Day 2000 I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall, and we'll be back. I wouldn't lie to you.
DAVE: We're out.

original transcript from the_49th_floor

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