blonde high heeled feminist (notashamed) wrote in sntranscripts,
blonde high heeled feminist

Sports Night: Season 2: Episode 21: La Forza Del Destino

Studio/Control Room
CASEY: With a month of big-league baseball behind us, it's time for what, Dan?
DAN: Predictions.
CASEY: It's time for predictions. Last year, Dan predicted that the Yankees would finish third in the American League East. Where'd they finish, Dan?
DAN: They won the world series.
CASEY: They won the world series. What do you got for us this year?
DAN: The team of Lord Baltimore, Casey. The Orioles will beat the American League like an old Persian rug. Then they'll go on to teach Ken Griffey's Cincinnati Reds a little lesson in humility.
CASEY: Dan says the Orioles, I say the Yankees. Dan says the Reds, I say the Mets. But, kids, whether you're a Mets fan, a Yankee fan, a Dodger fan, or a Red Sox fan, the one thing we can all agree on is what, Danny?
DAN: John Rocker's a doofus.
CASEY: John Rocker's a big honkin' doofus. That's all for us. We'll be back tomorrow night with more scores and highlights. This is day six of the Continental Corp fire sale, so if you're got 14 or 15 billion dollars in your passbook account, you can own this network. You've been watching Sports Night on CSC, have a good night.
DAN: Goodnight, Mom.

DAVE: We're out.
NATALIE: Good show.
DANA: Who wrote the Rocker joke?
DAN & CASEY (simultaneous): I did.
CASEY: I did.
DAN: I did.
CASEY: You suggested the Rocker joke. I refined it.
DAN: You typed it.
DANA: Please unhook yourselves and come and see me in the bullpen.
JEREMY: Dana, I gave them the Rocker joke.
DANA: Jeremy--
NATALIE: I gave them the Rocker joke.
DANA: Natalie--
JEREMY: You said, "Let's do a joke about John Rocker."
NATALIE: That's right.
JEREMY: That's not writing the joke, that's suggesting the joke.
DANA: Both of you, come with me, please.

NATALIE: I did several drafts of the joke.
JEREMY: You said, "Let's give out his home number." I said, "We can't give out his home number on tv. Let's call him a doofus." Then we disagreed on the spelling of doofus.
DAN: And then I agreed, yes, we should call him a doofus.
CASEY: And I added "big honkin' doofus."
DAN: And Casey typed it.
JEREMY: It was a good team effort, Dana.
DANA: You're all idiots. The Atlanta Braves are owned by Time Warner. AOL Time Warner is a major player in the bidding war for Continental Corp. Let's not piss off people while they're looking at us through the store window. We are on life support now. We are way past the "show business is funny" stage. It was sophomoric and it was stupid.
NATALIE: It was Jeremy's idea.
JEREMY: It was your idea.
NATALIE: I was goaded by Danny.
DAN: I was practically threatened by Casey.
CASEY: All I did was type it.
DAN: Well, then the buck pretty much stops with you, there, doesn't it?
DANA: Shut up. I'm going to Anthony's.
CASEY: Let's go someplace different.
DANA: Why?
JEREMY: 'Cause we've been to Anthony's the last six nights.
DANA: Which is why we should keep going.
NATALIE: Dana's right.
DAN: About what?
NATALIE: About everything.
DAN: Suck up.
NATALIE: A little thing called luck, Danny.
DAN: Luck?
NATALIE: The power of luck. We've gone to Anthony's six nights in a row. You don't break the luck.

News Room
JEREMY: Continental Corp's up for sale.
NATALIE: That's right.
JEREMY: We could all be out of work in a few days.
NATALIE: That's right.
JEREMY: Don't we want to change our luck?
NATALIE: No. You know why?
DANA: 'Cause people are bidding on us. They're in rooms right now, they're on cellphones, they're crunching numbers. Something good is coming and you don't change the luck.
NATALIE: You don't change the luck, Jeremy.
DANA: Anthony's! I'll meet you there.
NATALIE: Dana...
DANA: Yeah?
NATALIE: Sorry about the Rocker joke. That was me.
DANA: You should've given out his home number.
NATALIE: Can't say it on tv.
DANA: Tell me about it.


JEREMY: It's not gonna be Time Warner.
CASEY: It could be Time Warner.
JEREMY: Well, if it's Time Warner, we're screwed.
NATALIE: If it's Fox, we're screwed. If it's Disney, we're screwed.
DANA: Look.
CASEY: Dana.
DANA: Just 'cause CNN already has cable sports and Fox already has cable sports and Disney--
CASEY: Already has ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN News, ESPN Radio, ESPN the magazine, ESPN the restaurant.
DANA: See, when you put it that way--
CASEY: These guys need another sports channel like they need a hole in the head.
DANA: Someone's gonna come along.
CASEY: Yeah? Who?
DANA: You gotta allow for the possibility that there's someone out there that needs a hole in the head.
JEREMY: Yes, but in the meantime, Time Warner, Disney, and Fox are the only bidders and the first thing any of them will do is sell off CSC for parts. And yet, here we are at Anthony's.
DANA: What's your point?
JEREMY: My point is that this is the kind of luck you want to break. We should be someplace else right now.
NATALIE: No, that's not the point.
JEREMY: What is the point?
DANA: Those are the only people bidding right now.
NATALIE: That's the point.
NATALIE: Aren't I adorable?

DAN: So.
DAN: Desperate times.
DAN: You know, in times like these, the last days of a war, the last days before going off to war, you know what people do?
ELLIOT: They band together?
DAN: They sleep with each other.
ELLIOT: Really?
DAN: The last days on a movie shoot.
WILL: The last days of school.
CHRIS: The last days
DAVE: They sleep with each other?
DAN: They do.
ELLIOT: It's not that I'm not flattered, Dan--
DAN: I understand. What about you?
KIM: Danny, only you would take an occasion like this and turn it into an opportunity for sex.
DAN: I'm gifted, yes, but that's not actually why I came over.
KIM: Why'd you come over?
DAN: To tell you you're the best secretary I've ever had.
KIM: Thank you.
DAN: I mean it.
KIM: I know you do, that's why it's hard for me to tell you this.
DAN: What?
KIM: I'm not your secretary.
DAN: What do you mean?
KIM: I'm not your secretary.
DAN: When did that happen?
KIM: It didn't happen, Danny. I've never been your secretary.
DAN: I thought you were my secretary.
KIM: Yes, I know.
DAN: I've always treated you like my secretary.
KIM: Yes, I know.
DAN: Ok. Well, my mistake.
KIM: Yes.
DAN: All right. I'm gonna go talk to Casey.

FAN: It's for my boyfriend.
CASEY: Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
DAN: Hey, what's going on here, huh?
CASEY: It's for her boyfriend.
DAN: What's his name?
FAN: Joe.
DAN: I don't like the sound of him. I think you should dump him and go out with Casey.
CASEY: This is Dan.
FAN: Will you sign it too?
DAN: Sure, but I'm gonna sign it, "Joe, I think you should dump this redhead and go out with Casey."
CASEY: How did I end up with Joe?
DAN: Things work out that way sometimes.
FAN: You guys are so cute.
DAN: But me more than him, right?
FAN: Well, I don't--
CASEY: It's ok. Thank you.
FAN: Thanks. (The fan leaves.)
DAN: So, listen--
CASEY: Yeah?
DAN: It's something we should talk about at least, right?
CASEY: I don't know.
DAN: Casey--
CASEY: I don't know.
DAN: Let me tell you something, Casey. I wouldn't mind living in L.A. You know what you got out there? Sunshine. You got sunshine, you got the Pacific Ocean, you got driving around with the top down.
CASEY: I'd have to buy a car.
DAN: It's fun to buy a car. You get the new-car smell. Plus, you got the sunshine, the Pacific Ocean, not to mention a pretty good job offer.
CASEY: It's not a pretty good job offer.
DAN: It's 11:00, it's one, maybe one and a half million more viewers, it's Dana as executive producer. What more--
CASEY: It's in California.
DAN: Where they got Laker Girls. Same show, bigger audience, sunshine, Pacific Ocean, new car, Laker Girls, plus the L.A. Philharmonic with Mr. Esa-Pekka Salonen at the podium. You know where he's from?
CASEY: Helsinki.
DAN: That's right. You know where that is?
CASEY: Finland.
DAN: That's right. When you think about it, it's actually a better job than the ones we got now, and the ones we got now we're not gonna have that much longer, so it's a pretty good job offer.
CASEY: Well, we'll just, uh, cross that bridge when we do.
DAN: Ok.
CASEY: Good.

NATALIE: Jeremy?
NATALIE: I've had a couple of drinks, so I think I have the courage to tell you this.
DANA: Hang on.
NATALIE: Jeremy--
DANA: Hang on, I'm sitting right here.
NATALIE: You can stay there.
DANA: If you're gonna tell him something that takes courage, I think I shouldn't be sitting here.
NATALIE: It's ok.
NATALIE: I'm still in love with you.
DANA: Oh, can I please get up?
JEREMY: Natalie--
NATALIE: No, you don't have to say anything. In fact, you probably shouldn't. Just let me talk.
DANA: You really gotta let me out.
NATALIE: No, I don't want to lose the moment.
DANA: I'm sitting right here.
NATALIE: Jeremy, there hasn't been a day since I broke up with you that I haven't wanted you back.
JEREMY: I broke up with you.
NATALIE: There have been a couple of days.
JEREMY: Which days?
NATALIE: Um, I don't know if this is me talking or the coconut piña colada. Also, I've been having these mood swings.
DANA: Natalie--
NATALIE: Come to think of it, I hate your living guts.
CASEY: Desperate times.
DAN: Yes.
CASEY: It's been said that in times like these, the last days of war, the last days before going off to war, it's been said that during these times, people sleep together. That's what it's been said that people do during times like these.
DAN: Yeah.
NATALIE: If Jeremy wanted, he could have me any time, anywhere. I would do things to his mind and body that I think he'd really enjoy. God knows I would.
JEREMY: Natalie--
NATALIE: Don't touch me.
DANA: Would you please, for the love of God, let me out?
CASEY: Desperate times.
DANA: Shut up. Who wants what?
DAN: Beer.
CASEY: Beer.
NATALIE: Coconut piña colada.
DANA: How am I supposed to remember that?
JEREMY: It's three beers and a piña colada. You want a mnemonic device?
DANA: Hey!
NATALIE: Get him, Dana.
DANA: Three beers and a coconut piña colada.

DAN (on tv): Donovan McNabb was 14 for 19 passing for a total of 163 yards and no touchdowns. He also ran for 19 yards...
JACK: You want another one of these?
STRANGER: Yeah, if you don't mind. Thanks.
JACK: This show is good, don't you think? Sports Night.
JACK: They work just across the street. A lot of those guys come in here.
STRANGER: Yeah, I saw.
DANA: Jack.
JACK: And here's the executive producer.
STRANGER: How you doin'?
STRANGER: I was saying it's a good show.
DANA: Thank you. Jack, I'd like three beers and a coconut piña colada.
JACK: I need to go in the back one minute.
STRANGER: I was just saying that it's a good show, and the bartender pointed out that a lot of your guys come in here. I told him I could see that. At first I thought it was interesting that I was watching them on television and they're also standing right over there.
DANA: We broadcast live at 11:00, and then we replay the show at 1:00. It's called tape delay.
STRANGER: I sussed out the technology.
DANA: I really just came up here to get some drinks for my friends.
STRANGER: I have no reason not to believe you.
DANA: I'm just saying that I'm not in a mood to be bought a drink by a guy in a suit.
STRANGER: I'm not wearing a suit. For that matter, I wasn't offering you a drink.
DANA: Yeah. You left your Wall Street office at 8:30, went to your 2-bedroom on the East Side, and changed into your "I don't always wear a suit" clothes.
STRANGER: I don't live on the East Side.
DANA: If you live on the West Side, then you're stuck back in college.
STRANGER: I live in Paris.
DANA: France?
STRANGER: Yeah. Sometimes Seattle, sometimes Chicago, sometimes Tokyo, sometimes St. Barts.
DANA: Tell me, seriously, are there women who believe you when you say that?
STRANGER: Not many. So, Dana, I couldn't help overhearing you and your friends a while ago.
DANA: We're sitting on the other side of the restaurant.
STRANGER: Yeah. I wouldn't worry about a Time Warner takeover.
DANA: You wouldn't, huh?
STRANGER: They'll kick out when the stock hits 27.
DANA: How did you know my name?
STRANGER: The bartender said it.
DANA: No, he didn't.
STRANGER: Sure, he did. How else would I know it? Time Warner's gonna kick out at 27 a share.
Jack returns.
JACK: All right, what was that you needed? Dana?
STRANGER: Three beers and a coconut piña colada.


Isaac's Office
DANA: Any word?
ISAAC: Any word on what?
DANA: Our futures.
ISAAC: If it's Fox, they'll drop the cable interest. If it's Disney, they'll drop the cable interest. If it's Time Warner, they'll drop the cable interest.
DANA: Yeah. I met a guy last night at Anthony's--
DAN: Hi.
ISAAC: Hey, Danny.
DAN: Any word?
DAN: Did you know that Kim isn't my secretary?
DANA: Yeah.
DAN: I have been treating her like she was my secretary.
DANA: Yes, I know.
DAN: Ok, just so I get this straight, is there someone here who is my secretary, I've just never known it?
DAN: I have no secretary.
DANA: Right.
DAN: Ok. How you doin', Isaac?
ISAAC: Good.
DAN: Good. Ok. (exits)
ISAAC: What'd you say before?
DANA: When?
ISAAC: You met a guy at Anthony's?
DANA: Yeah. It doesn't matter. When is someone new gonna step up to the table, someone who wants cable sports?
ISAAC: You know, Dana, my nephew Christopher is a trauma surgeon at a city hospital in Detroit. Whenever he loses somebody, it usually takes him a couple of weeks to get up off the mat. I tell him it's an overcrowded, underfunded hospital. He doesn't listen, though. He usually talks about ditching medicine and opening up a restaurant in Albuquerque.
DANA: Why Albuquerque?
ISAAC: I don't know, but it's always Albuquerque. At best, you had maybe 2/3 of the budget needed to do the job in a market that was oversaturated when you got there. If it goes down, you get up off the mat, you go to L.A. with Dan and Casey, and you try it again.
DANA: What do you do?
ISAAC: Two trees, a hammock, and a stack of books this high.
DANA: Let me ask you--
Isaac's phone starts to ring.
ISAAC: Ah, hang on. Yeah? Thanks. (hangs up) Time Warner just kicked out.
DANA: Really?
ISAAC: But I wouldn't worry about it, thought. They were never serious--
DANA: What was the stock price?
ISAAC: $27 a share.
DANA: Huh.
ISAAC: You were saying something about a guy at Anthony's.
DANA: Yeah. No. Uh, yeah. I should get back to work though.
ISAAC: Ok, remember what I said.
DANA: Yeah.

Dan & Casey's Office
DAN: Three years, I always thought she was my secretary.
CASEY: She was good.
DAN: Yeah. Say, while we're tying up loose ends, do we share an office, or am I just here a lot?
CASEY: You're just here a lot.
DAN: I have my own office?
CASEY: Yeah.
DAN: Where?
CASEY: That's my confession.
DAN: What?
CASEY: This is your office. Mine's someplace else.
DAN: You're kidding.
CASEY: Nope.
DAN: Where?
CASEY: I don't know. I just always like this one.
DAN: All right. Well, it seemed to work out ok.
CASEY: Yeah.
DAN: Next place, we should share an office again.
CASEY: Yeah.
DAN: And we should have someone who pretends to be our secretary.
CASEY: Yeah.
ELLIOT: (enters carrying a large flower arrangement) Dan?
DAN: Hey.
ELLIOT: These are for you.
DAN: Elliot, look, last night, seriously, I was talking to Kim. I was doing a little thing.
ELLIOT: They're not from me.
DAN: Like it'd kill you to give me flowers once in a while? R.W. It says "R.W."
CASEY: What else does it say?
DAN: It just says "R.W." Robert Wagner has sent me flowers.
CASEY: That was nice of him.
DAN: Or maybe Reggie White. All-pro defensive end Reggie White can send me flowers, but do you ever think to, Elliot?
ELLIOT: I don't take you for granted.
DAN: Yes, you do. You're not our secretary, by any chance, are you?
ELLIOT: I prefer assistant.
DAN: Get out
ELLIOT: Five minutes! (exits)

Studio/Control Room
ARTHUR: (man from Rhode Island calling in to the show) And so it's only logical. I mean, I'm just using rational logic and sensibility that in that situation, you bunt with one strike and one out and the go-ahead run at first. I mean, I gotta say, I think Joe Torre should be run out of town on just that play alone.
DAN: Right. Caller, how much experience do you have coaching at the major-league level?
ARTHUR: Well, I never coached pro ball or anything--
DAN: Semi-pro?
DAN: College?
DAN: Ok, Joe Torre's been coaching baseball for about 430 years. You got a girlfriend?
DAN: This is why. You interested in buying Continental Corp?
DAN: Ok, then we're hanging up now.
CASEY: Dan, you want to take us to commercial?
DAN: With pleasure. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around.

DAVE: We're in commercial.
WILL: 60 seconds back.
DANA: By the way, everybody, Time Warner kicked out this morning.
JEREMY: Who needed them?
DANA: We needed them.
JEREMY: They wouldn't have kept CSC.
DANA: Neither will Fox or Disney, but it looks like that's all that's left.
NATALIE: Not all.
JEREMY: That's right.
NATALIE: There's still the power of fate.
JEREMY: La forza del destino.
DANA: Jeremy--
JEREMY: It's been said, Dana, that in desperate times--
DANA: Give me out graphics on 4.
CHRIS: 30 seconds back.

CASEY: Thank you.
DAN: The Pacific Ocean's completely different from the Atlantic, you know.
CASEY: I know, it's on the other side.
DAN: Yes, it is. You know what's just a quick plane ride away?
CASEY: Asia?
DAN: Hawaii.
CASEY: You ever been to Hawaii?
DAN: Covered two pro bowls. Shot par at Mauna Lani. I've met Don Ho.
CASEY: Oh, so you're a bit of an expert.
DAN: I understand the island ways.
CASEY: Danny, I would love to--
DAN: We don't have to tell them yes or no, but we got to tell them what we're thinking. It's a really good offer, Casey. It's gonna be the best one we get.
DAVE: In 10.
CASEY: We need to talk about it, ok?
DAN: Yeah. Is it possible I got flowers from Raquel Welch?
DAN: Ok.
DAVE: In 3, 2...
CASEY: That's all for us tonight. Remember, please, if you're going out on a date and you want to impress someone, it's a "dog eat dog world," not a "doggy-dog world." I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell. You've been watching Sports Night on CSC. We'll see you tomorrow.
DAN: Goodnight.

DAVE: Animation.
DAVE: We're out.
DANA: Good show.
NATALIE: So help me God, I thought it was a doggy-dog world.
DANA: Anthony's.
JEREMY: No. Wait. Hang on. Our corporate parent is up for sale. The only people who seem interested in buying would almost surely dump the cable network, and one of those people dropped out this morning. You still don't want to break our luck?
NATALIE: Man, Jeremy!
DANA: The power of fate.
NATALIE: The power of fate... which is actually something I just said a minute ago, so I shouldn't have even needed prompting.
JEREMY: Well, you guys definitely turned me around on that one.

DAN: They got the aquarium.
CASEY: What aquarium?
DAN: With the dolphins and the, the fish, and the mammals over there in San Francisco.
CASEY: Ah, it's in San Diego.
DAN: Really?
CASEY: Yeah.
DAN: Who cares. They frolic, they splash, and they have a ball.
CASEY: Danny--
DAN: You can go there with a Laker Girl.
CASEY: Dan, come on.
DAN: She never met a guy like you before.
CASEY: Hey. Hey, what am I supposed to do, see Charlie twice a year? Christmas and when?
DAN: They have jet planes now, Casey.
CASEY: I'd be working six nights. It's not like I can get in a plane every time--
DAN: I'm saying she gets on a plane.
CASEY: Danny, come on.
DAN: I'm not kidding.
CASEY: Look--
DAN: She's not tied down to a job. You tell her you're not willing to live that far away from Charlie. You tell her you support this family and your business just moved, and the family's got to move too. You tell her to get her ass one a plane.
CASEY: Let's cross that bridge when we get there, ok?
DAN: All right.
FAN: (approaches the table) Hi.
DAN: Hi.
FAN: Excuse me for interrupting. My boyfriend would kill me if he knew I saw you and didn't get you to sign something.
DAN: Sure.
FAN: Thanks.
DAN: You want another?
CASEY: Yeah.
FAN: By the way, my roommate's friend knows a girl you used to date.
DAN: Who?
FAN: Rebecca Wells.
Dan pauses then drops his glass on the floor.
FAN: (to Casey) Is he all right?
CASEY: Yeah, he's fine.
DAN: Yeah, I ju-- I just think I need to get some air.

DANA: (calling from another table) You guys all right over there?
CASEY: Yeah. Yeah, now it's getting good.
NATALIE: Jeremy?
NATALIE: There's something I think you should know.
DANA: Oh, God.
NATALIE: I'm not wearing any socks right now.
DANA: Oh, please let me out.
NATALIE: I know you have a little thing and I thought it would be wrong for me to not tell you that I'm not wearing any socks right now.
JEREMY: I don't believe you.
NATALIE: Jeremy, one day you'll see that my love for you isn't the product of liquor-induced mood swings, and that I'm yours for the taking at your command. And that the day I broke up with you was the most regrettable day of my life.
JEREMY: Ok, but I broke up with you.
NATALIE: I find you loathsome and my hatred of you knows no bounds.
NATALIE: I'm not wearing any socks.
NATALIE: Do you feel my foot?
DANA: All right, that's it! That's it! Move, move! Out, out, out! Thank you.

JACK: What do you need, Dana?
STRANGER: Three beers and a coconut piña colada.
DANA: Hey, you, I need to talk to you. Stay right there. Two beers. (sits down next to the stranger)
STRANGER: You guys did a good show tonight.
DANA: Thank you.
STRANGER: I liked the call in.
DANA: How did you know Time Warner was gonna drop out at 27?
STRANGER: I didn't.
DANA: You did.
STRANGER: I guessed.
DANA: You didn't guess, you had information.
STRANGER: I had a lot of information. That's what makes me good at guessing.
DANA: If you've got inside information and you're passing it, you're breaking the law, and I don't want you talking to me.
STRANGER: I don't have inside information, and I wasn't talking to you. You came over to me.
DANA: Nonetheless.
DANA: I'm just saying, I know a thing or two about securities law.
DANA: Because I do.
STRANGER: Ok. So, how are you?
DANA: I've been thinking a lot about opening a restaurant.
DANA: Albuquerque. Thanks, Jack. I'm going back to my friends now.
DANA: We were having an interesting conversation.
STRANGER: About what?
DANA: The power of fate.
DANA: So goodbye. (turns to leave)
STRANGER: MDI-Transcom's gonna come in as a bidder.
DANA: How do you know that?
STRANGER: I don't.
DANA: You're guessing.
DANA: But you're right.
DANA: What does MDI-Transcom want with Continental Corp?
STRANGER: I could tell you, but the answer's a little dry.
DANA: You're saying I wouldn't be able to understand it?
DANA: Probably now, 'cause all I've got is a master's in broadcast communication.
STRANGER: C.C. owns cable providers in certain markets which means they also own the coaxial cable, which was originally laid. Coaxial cable provides much greater bandwidth than conventional phone lines, so it provides extremely fast internet access.
DANA: Who are you?
STRANGER: No one whose name you'd know.
DANA: I'm going back to my friends.
STRANGER: To talk about the power of fate?
DANA: Yeah.
STRANGER: La forza del destino.


original transcript from the_49th_floor

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Tags: big honkin doofus, flowers from rw, laker girls, not wearing any socks, season 2, two beers and a coconut pina colada
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