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Season 1: Episode 12: Smoky

Dan & Casey's office
Dan: Casey?
Casey: Yeah.
Dan: I've made a decision.
Casey: What is it?
Dan: It's time.
Casey: It is?
Dan: It's time.
Casey: (into news room) Natalie!
Dan: It's absolutely time.
Casey: We've been having some very bizarre computer problems, have you noticed that? The LC wire's getting numbers wrong.
Natalie: (enters) What do you need?
Casey: Messersmith won the Gold Medal in the pole vault with a leap of 238 feet, six inches?
Natalie: That doesn't sound right.
Casey: It lacks a ring of truth, yes.
Natalie: 238 feet, six inches in the pole vault. That'd be a record, wouldn't it?
Casey: Yes it would.
Natalie: Elliot!
Casey: Why are you staring at me?
Dan: Because it's time.
Casey: It's not time. (they start walking through the news room, into studio)
Dan: It is time. It's past time.
Casey: It's not past time.
Dan: It's well past time. You need to start meeting women.
Casey: I've met many women.
Dan: No you haven't. You haven't met many women. And that's why I'm here.
Casey: Boy, I like the sound of this.
Dan: You got married at 23 to a woman you met when you were 19.
Casey: I know. I was there.
Dan: So you agree.
Casey: To what?
Dan: You agree that it's time.
Casey: You said it was past time.
Dan: It is past time.
Casey: Then I'm screwed.
Dan: But I'm gonna help you out.
Casey: Thank God for that, Danny. Thank God for you.
Dan: Thank God indeed.
Casey: Indeed I do.
Dan: You know why I can help you out?
Casey: Why.
Dan: Because there's still time.

Studio/Control Room
Dave: 60 seconds to VTR, two minutes live.
Chris: Loading F/X BF-4.
Will: Preview animation 1, 1A and 4.
Chris: BF-4. Boston-Foxhole.
Dana: (Jeremy enters) Jeremy.
Jeremy: Yes.
Dana: Tell me the story so far on UCLA - Arizona.
Jeremy: The story, Dana, is shooting percentage. Shooting percentage and offensive glass. Last I checked, UCLA was 12 for 24 from the field, one for six at the stripe. Arizona's press forced 12 turnovers which led to 15 points. The 'Cats,' needless to say, were dominant in the paint and McDuffy's got four fouls. That is the story.
Natalie: Jeremy?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Dana: What's the score?
Jeremy: Wow.
Dana: Jeremy--
Jeremy: The devil's in the details.
Dana: Jeremy.
Jeremy: 66-50 Arizona.
Dana: Thank you.
Jeremy: No problem.
Dave: Stand by audio, stand by VTR.
Elliot: Preview 6 and 16.
Kim: Will, lemme hear sound F/X 7. Just me.
Dave: Here we go.
Natalie: Good show.
Dave: Roll VTR.
Dana: Good show everybody.
Dan: The time is right, Casey, the time is now. You strike while the iron is hot.
Casey: What iron?
Dan: The iron. You're gonna strike it.
Casey: 'Cause it's hot right now?
Dan: It's scorching hot.
Casey: Okay.
Dan: It is.
Casey: Natalie, can I have a re-count time on seven?
Natalie: 1:20, but we've got wiggle room.
Casey: How much?
Natalie: How much?
Dana: On seven?
Natalie: Lee Trevino.
Dana: Casey, don't make a meal out of it.
Casey: How much?
Dana: Five seconds. You go to ten, I kick your ass.
Casey: You ever hear of artistic freedom?
Dana: You ever heard of me kicking your ass?
Casey: Yes I have.
Dana: Five seconds.
Dave: 15 live.
Dan: A lot's changed since you've been out there.
Casey: Out where?
Dan: There. Out there. Where women are.
Casey: Everybody still wears shoes, right?
Dan: Do they ever.
Dave: In three, two--
Casey: Good evening, from New York City I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell, those stories, plus we'll show why if you haven't seen Davis Love play Pebble Beach, then you haven't seen Shakespeare the way it was meant to be played.
Dan: College hoops? You want college hoops? How 'bout Syracuse, N.Y., where the Orangemen blew the roof off the Carrier Dome. How 'bout Oklahoma, where the corn's not the only thing high as an elephant's eye.
Casey: All that, comin' up after this. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around.
Dave: We're out.
Kim: 90 seconds back.
Dan: You know the biggest difference?
Casey: The biggest difference between what?
Dan: The biggest difference between women then and women now.
Casey: What?
Dan: You're on television.
Dave: Stand by.

*c-break*

Isaac's Office
Isaac: Come on in.
Dana: You wanted to see me?
Isaac: Yes. Siddown.
Dana: I got a note that said you wanted to see me.
Isaac: Yeah, have a seat.
Dana: Is anything wrong?
Isaac: No. Siddown.
Dana: You never send me a note.
Isaac: I usually call your office.
Dana: Yes. Or you have Marsha find me or you grab me at the run down and say can I see you.
Isaac: Why don't you have a seat.
Dana: But this time you sent me a note.
Isaac: Please sit.
Dana: It said you needed to see me.
Isaac: Dana, I need to move my day along just a little bit faster than this.
Dana: I'm just saying if this is gonna be bad news, I'd like to sit.
Isaac: Feel free.
Dana: Thank you. (sits)
Isaac: I want to start grooming you.
Dana: I don't understand.
Isaac: You heard me.
Dana: You want to start grooming me?
Isaac: Yes.
Dana: You better be talkin' about my hairstyle, Isaac, 'cause...
Isaac: Don't go nuts!
Dana: I'm not going nuts, I'm just saying that's the only kind of grooming I'm prepared to talk about at this particular moment. Was there anything else?
Isaac: When the time comes, I want the show to go where I want the show to go. And I want the show to go to you.
Dana: Isaac--
Isaac: I'm not foolin' around, Dana.
Dana: Fine then, we'll have this conversation 15 years from now. Is there anything else?
Isaac: You want to be in a position where it's a smart choice for Luther to make.
Dana: I don't want to position myself.
Isaac: You're gonna start coming to the monthly lunches at Continental Corp.
Dana: No I'm not.
Isaac: Yes you are.
Dana: How do you know I even want your job?
Isaac: Everybody wants my job.
Dana: Not me. I think your job stinks. You get to create your own show and make all the decisions and have a big staff and make a lot of money. That's not for me, Isaac. I like to answer to people. I don't want to create. When I get a thought in my head, I like it to die right there.
Isaac: These monthly lunches, at first--
Dana: When you hired me, when you hired me, didn't you swear that you weren't going to leave. You did. I remember you swearing. You swore.
Isaac: I'm talking about down the line.
Dana: How far down the line?
Isaac: Far.
Dana: Then stop sending me notes.
Isaac: Dana, that was a near death experience at Christmas. I don't know if I've ever seen Luther so mad.
Dana: You embarassed him on television. He'll get over it.
Isaac: He may get over it, but he certainly won't forget it.
Dana: Look, he yelled, he screamed. But he didn't fire you. If he was gonna fire you, he'd have fired you.
Isaac: You don't fire a black executive during a race-related public relations problem. You wait a while.
Dana: See? That's the kinda thing I don't know. Som you know... stop grooming.
Isaac: Start coming with me to the lunches. And the budget meetings.
Dana: What are you gonna do if you don't work here?
Isaac: I've been thinking a lot about gardening.
Dana: Gardening?
Isaac: I think I'd like to try organic gardening.
Dana: Do you even know what it is?
Isaac: No. But I was gonna get a book.
Dana: Good plan.
Isaac: Let's keep this our little secret.
Dana: I shouldn't tell anyone that you're grooming me?
Isaac: You shouldn't tell anyone that I'm grooming you.
Dana: What if people ask?
Isaac: Dana--
Dana: I'm serious. What if someone askes me a direct question about the grooming?
Isaac: Dana, I'm serious.
Dana: Alright, alright, I won't tell anyone that you're grooming me.
Isaac: Thank you.
Dana: Goodbye. He wants to groom me.
Natalie: What'd you say?
Dana: I told him I didn't want to be groomed. Everyone here's very happy with the jobs they've got right now, right?
Natalie: Sure.
Dana: Natalie?
Natalie: Yeah?
Dana: You're thinking about how you'd re-decorate my office right now, aren't you.
Natalie: I was not!
Dana: Yes you were.
Natalie: I was totally not at all.
Dana: In your little mind, you were measuring for new curtains.
Natalie: I was not measuring for curtains.
Dana: You'd keep the curtains?
Natalie: And dump the plants.
Dana: Thank you.

Dan & Casey's Office
Sally: You're wrong.
Casey: No I'm not.
Sally: You want to make a bet?
Casey: I don't want to take your money.
Sally: They weren't gonna play Virginia in the next round, they were gonna play Louisiana Tech.
Casey: You were gonna play Louisiana Tech.
Sally: We were gonna play Clemson. That's when I injured my ankle.
Casey: It was your knee and it was against Louisiana Tech.
Sally: (puts her foot up on Casey's chair and lifts her pants to her knee) This is my ankle.
Casey: No doubt about it.
Sally: It was injured playing Clemson.
Casey: It came out of it okay.
Sally: You think?
Dan: (enters) Whoa, whoa, whoa. What have we here?
Sally: Hello Dan.
Dan: Sally, put your leg on the floor.
Sally: I was telling Casey that I injured my ankle against Clemson.
Dan: It was your knee.
Sally: It was my ankle.
Dan: And you see how you were able to tell me that without taking your clothes off?
Sally: I just assume you do that in your head. I'll see you later, Casey. Dan's gonna want to warn you about me. (exits)
Casey: Bye.
Dan: What were you just doing?
Casey: Nothing.
Dan: You were flirting with Sally.
Casey: I wasn't conscious of it.
Dan: Conscious or not, you were doing it.
Casey: Was Sally flirting with me?
Dan: Yes. Indeed she was.
Casey: I missed the whole thing.
Dan: Thank God I got here when I did.
Casey: I'm not gonna go out with Sally.
Dan: You don't have to go out with her, she was strippin' down right here.
Casey: We were talking about women's college basketball.
Dan: Casey, please. I'm not other people.
Casey: I know.
Dan: And I know I said it was time, but just to be clear, it's not time for that. It's not time to dally with Sally.
Casey: Dan?
Dan: That was an unfortunate rhyme, but still--
Casey: What's your problem with Sally?
Dan: Look at her. I don't think she's of this world.
Casey: You don't think she's of this world?
Dan: I do not.
Casey: What world do you think she's of?
Dan: She scares me. She's too good looking. Nobody's that good looking. I'm not that good looking.
Casey: You really think she was flirting with me?
Dan: Her beauty comes from a very strange place, have you noticed that?
Casey: The places her beauty comes from weren't all that strange to me. I can identify almost all of them.
Dan: Don't do it, Casey, she's got an agenda.
Casey: You think she wants a job on Sports Night?
Dan: No, I think she wants to rule all of Metropolis.
Casey: You've seen the job she does on West Coast Update. She's a very skilled producer.
Dan: Of course she's skilled, she's Satan's handmaiden.
Casey: She's not Satan's handmaiden.
Dan: On the entire planet, have you ever seen anyone with eyes like that? Huh? She's a Steppford Producer.
Casey: I say she's a very nice person.
Dan: I say she has no reflection.
Casey: You're worrying about nothing. She wasn't flirting with me, I wasn't flirting with her.
Dan: It's a well-oiled machine here. I don't want to see anyting interfere with that.
Casey: (reading) Did a high school girl from East Lansing run the Boston Marathon in 2.6 seconds?
Dan: Doesn't sound right.
Casey: We're not as well-oiled as you think.

News Room
Natalie: See, it says "Minus-1, SM Trunc, err."
Jeremy: You should really call technical support.
Natalie: I like it when you fix it. IT's so cute and nerdy. I could just lick you up.
Jeremy: This is a serious computer problem, I don't want to fool around with this.
Natalie: What does "err" mean?
Jeremy: Call technical support.
Natalie: What does "err" mean?
Jeremy: It means a mistake.
Natalie: Is it Latin?
Jeremy: It's English. It's "E-R-R". It means error. Call technical support.
Natalie: "Minus-1, SM Trunc", what does it mean?
Jeremy: Natalie--
Natalie: C'mon, just one.
Jeremy: It means the truncation indicator alone is wider than the specified width. IT probably also indicates a "Minus-5 Type SCP" which is an invalid queue element.
Natalie: Okay. (breathes heavily and whispers) Then it says "Minus-15, out of range." What does that mean?
Jeremy: It means it's out of range.
Natalie: You're not doing this right!
Jeremy: What the hell are we doing?
Natalie: Well I thought we were having phone sex, but I guess you just weren't interested.
Jeremy: We were having phone sex?
Natalie: Well not phone sex, but whatever. We were having sex.
Jeremy: I didn't even know.
Natalie: And frankly, it showed up in your performance.
Jeremy: I wasn't having sex.
Natalie: I know that, Jeremy, I was sitting here having sex all by myself.
Jeremy: You were having sex.
Natalie: Yes.
Jeremy: Well I think maybe you're not doing it right.
Natalie: Call technical support.

News Room/Isaac's Office
Sally: Hello Isaac.
Isaac: Hello Sally.
Sally: Sharp suit!
Isaac: Thank you, Sally.
Sally: I mean it. That is a sharp suit.
Isaac: Thank you again.
Sally: Who makes that suit?
Isaac: I have no idea.
Sally: Is it Armani?
Isaac: I honestly have no idea.
Sally: Could be Hugo Boss.
Isaac: You never know.
Sally: But either way, it's a very sharp suit.
Isaac: I'm awfully happy with it, thanks. (Sally follows Isaac into his office and closes the door behind her.) Sally?
Sally: Yes?
Isaac: What do you want?
Sally: Are you quitting your job?
Isaac: No.
Sally: You're not?
Isaac: No.
Sally: I heard you were.
Isaac: You heard wrong.
Sally: I keep my ear to the ground.
Isaac: I have no doubt about it.
Sally: And I'm happy for Dana.
Isaac: She'll be glad to hear it.
Sally: Can I be blunt?
Isaac: There is evidence to suggest that you're capable of it, yes.
Sally: I think I'm the right person for the job.
Isaac: Whose job?
Sally: Dana's job.
Isaac: Dana wants Dana's job.
Sally: Dana's gonna have your job.
Isaac: No, sadly, I'm gonna have my job.
Sally: I want to executive produce Sports Night. May I give you my credentials?
Isaac: I see no way of stopping you.
Sally: I've been executive producer of West Coast Update for 16 months. Our show has never failed to win its time slot.
Isaac: You're on at two a.m., Sally, you're competition is a Bonanza re-run and four guys making cheese.
Sally: To say nothing of Fox on Sports and CNN/SI, both of which were on top of us to the tune of a share point before I came in. My shows are tight, my shows are hot and my shows are paced to within an inch of their lives. My staff is professional and they place a premium on professionalism.
Isaac: My staff is professional, Sally.
Sally: As we speak, One of your LC-SportsWire frames is misprocessing data while two of your associate producers stand over the monitor attempting to have phone sex.
Isaac: God please don't tell me which two.
Sally: Just think about it.
Isaac: Alright, my guess is it's Jeremy and Natalie.
Sally: I meant think about me for the job.
Isaac: Dana's job.
Sally: Yes.
Isaac: When Dana takes my job.
Sally: Yes.
Isaac: And tell me again what I'll be doing?
Sally: I heard organic gardening.
Isaac: You can leave now.
Sally: Sharp suit.
Isaac: Thank you very much.

Dan & Casey's Office
Casey: (reading from monitor) "Good evening, from New York City. I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell, those stories plus we've got a Major League Baseball trade that brought some birds home to roost." That's you.
Dan: What?
Casey: "... Major Leage Baseball trade that brought some birds home to roost", and then you say:
Dan: Yoko Ono.
Casey: Really?
Dan: Yes.
Casey: Okay, but it might be better to say something about hockey.
Dan: I'm gonna fix you up with Yoko Ono.
Casey: I don't think so.
Dan: Yeah, I really am.
Casey: No, you're really not.
Dan: Are you concerned about the age difference?
Casey: Do you even know Yoko Ono?
Dan: I am a fan of her music, yes.
Casey: "...a Major League Baseball trade that brough some birds home to roost."
Dan: You'll get away with that if you want, but it's not birds, it's chickens.
Casey: You really think Dana was flirting with me?
Dan: Dana?
Casey: Sally.
Dan: You said Dana.
Casey: I meant Sally.
Dan: Stop thinking about Sally.
Casey: I'm not thinking about Sally.
Dan: This is science fiction. I'm all alone on this. I stand completely alone. Sally is an alien, do you undersand me? At night she peels her body off and lives on Steve Guttenberg's boat.
Casey: And you can't get anybody to rally around that theory?
Dan: My point is you said "Dana".
Casey: Pigeons roost, don't they?
Dan: Yes.
Casey: What's wrong with birds?
Dan: What's wrong with the unmistakable human frailty of Yoko Ono?
Casey: (Dana walks by) Dana--
Dana: You're still a minute-twenty fat in the 40's.
Casey: We're getting there. Can I say "birds come home to roost"?
Dana: Yeah, I saw that.
Casey: Can I say it?
Dana: It's chickens.
Casey: But I think it's also pigeons.
Dana: Do pigeons roost?
Casey: I think they do.
Dana: I think they perch.
Casey: I think they roost.
Dana: Look, it's fine with me.
Casey: Hey, you know what? I think someone was flirting with me today.
Dana: I'm sorry?
Casey: Someone might've been flirting with me today.
Dana: Sally?
Casey: How did you know?
Dana: Sally's always flirting with you.
Casey: No she's not.
Dana: Yes she is. It's okay.
Casey: Have I been flirting back?
Dana: You're kinda feeble, aren't you?
Casey: Have I?
Dana: I really don't know.
Casey: I don't want to look foolish.
Dana: Not much chance of that.
Casey: Do I flirt badly?
Dana: You flirt fine.
Casey: Seriously.
Dana: You flirt fine.
Casey: Dana--
Dana: Flirt with me now.
Casey: Flirt with you now?
Dana: Yes.
Casey: I will.
Dana: Start.
Casey: (softly) How ya doin'?
Dana: (laughs) That's good, Casey, how many years of college?
Casey: I'm just saying "Hi". I've got more.
Dana: Lay it on me.
Casey: What's your name?
Dana: Casey, I'm saying flirt with me. I'm not playing somebody else.
Casey: You're not helping.
Dana: Start again. Flirt with me.
Casey: I'm starting now. What's your name?
Dana: My name's Dana you unbelievable moron, you've known me for 15 years. Flirt with me. Tell me why you like me better than Sally.
Casey: I do like you better than Sally.
Dana: Tell me why.
Casey: I don't understand.
Dana: I don't think you're ever going to have sex again. I gotta go. (starts to leave)
Casey: You're smoky.
Dana: (turns back) I'm sorry?
Casey: The difference between you and Sally, you're smoky.
Dana: I'm smoky?
Casey: You're smoky. You're a lot of other things too, but you're smoky.
Dana: I don't know what that means, but I like the sound of it. (BEAT) Tell me what it means.
Casey: It's hard to translate.
Dana: Try.
Casey: You'll make a joke.
Dana: We're flirting. That's okay.
Casey: Are we really flirting, or ar you just pretending to be you flirting with me actually being me?
Dana: You think I'm smoky?
Casey: Classy. Impressive. Sexy. Was sexy going too far?
Dana: It was fine.
Casey: You're smoky.
Dana: Thank you. (Natalie walks by) Natalie, wait up. (to Casey) I'm sorry, I gotta talk to Natalie.
Casey: That's fine.
Dana: We're on the air in very... soon and Natalie's there.
Casey: Okay.
Dana: I'll see you later.
Casey: In just a little bit in fact.
Dana: 'Cause we're going on the air.
Casey: And you're okay with birds roosting?
Dana: I'm okay with birds doing anything you tell 'em to.
Natalie: Were you two flirting?
Dana: No.
Natalie: You were.
Dana: We were, but it was a rehearsal of sorts. It was a class.
Natalie: If you guys aren't too far along, could Jeremy join?
Dana: Sure.

Isaac's Office
Elliot: Isaac? You got a minute?
Isaac: Kim. Elliot. How can I help you?
Elliot: I'm a team player, Isaac. Always have been, always will be. But everyone here moves up one notch and you make Kim senior associate, I'll lead a mutiny the likes of which will sink this show for good.
Isaac: Okay. Kim?
Kim: When I get Natalie's job, is there a union regulation that prevents me from making Elliot my man-slave?
Isaac: Alright, that's it. Follow me.

News Room/Conference Room
Jeremy: I'm saying it.
Natalie: Let's just forget about it.
Jeremy: I'm saying it right now.
Natalie: Far be it from me to be adventuresome in our sex life!
Jeremy: Thanks very much, folks, be sure and tip your waitresses.
Isaac: Dan. Casey. Dana. Jeremy. Natalie. In the conference room. Right now.
Casey: What's goin' on?
Isaac: In there. (walks by Sally) Sally, why don't you join us as well.
Sally: What are we doing?
Isaac: We're having a little meeting.
Sally: Is this what I think it is?
Isaac: Probably not. (everyone sits in the Conference room.) Good evening, how are you all? (Everyone responds at once) Who really gives a damn. My name is Isaac Jaffee. I run this place. Anybody else who runs this place, please raise your hand. (Nobody moves) Good. Couple a things: I'm not quitting and I'm not getting fired. At least not today and probably not tomorrow. Let me add, Dana, that things that I say in my office, stay in my office.
Dana: Natalie's my second in command, she's the only one I told.
Natalie: Jeremy's my boyfriend and he's the only one I told.
Jeremy: I told many, many people.
Isaac: Elliot? Kim? The production team is, in fact, a team, and you will work with and for whomever Dana tells you to.
Dana: Thank you.
Isaac: Shut up.
Dana: Okay.
Isaac: Finally, I'd like to say that while there are many programs here at CSC, and there's nothing wrong with healthy competition, we are all a family and we are to treat each other with professional respect.
Sally: I think I can speak for everyone on the West Coast Update team when I say, we have nothing but respect for each and every man and woman who works on Sports Night.
Dan: He's talkin' about you, ya freak!!
Isaac: Thank you, Daniel. I hope this meeting has cleared up any confusion. It's five minutes to eleven. Please go do my show.

Control Room/Studio
Dave: Stand by audio, stand by VTR.
Chris: Preview 3 and 13.
Will: Here's 3.
Chris: 13's standing.
Dana: (to Kim) Get me Holly in L.A.
Natalie: He said you were smoky?
Dana: Yes he did.
Kim: Holly.
Dana: (into headset) Holly, you were right, it's fourteen points off the fast break and send it back to the studio.
Natalie: I like that.
Dana: Smoky?
Natalie: Yes.
Dana: It was very complimentary.
Natalie: It was very complimentary?
Dana: Yes.
Natalie: Well how good of you to come to tea.
Dana: Hey, I talk the way I talk. I'm smoky.
Natalie: You are smoky.
Dana: I am.
Dave: Roll VTR.
Chris: We're live in 60.
Dana: Good show everybody.
Jeremy: Good show.
Natalie: Casey said she's smoky.
Jeremy: She is smoky.
Natalie: Am I smoky?
Jeremy: You better believe it. I'll tell you what else you are: You're a slow drink of whiskey.
Natalie: Say some computer things. Right now.
Jeremy: Listen, seriously. Those new herbs that you're taking? I think you should stop.
Natalie: I'm a slow drink of whiskey.
Jeremy: Among other things, yes.
Dana: Preview 6 and 6A.
Casey: It wasn't flirting. It wasn't actual flirting.
Dan: I don't like you going off on your own like this.
Casey: I know.
Dan: You gotta listen to what I tell you.
Casey: I am.
Dan: You could be having sex with Yoko Ono right now.
Casey: Please don't ever say that again.
Dan: I've made a decision.
Casey: What's that?
Dan: I don't think it's time.
Dave: In three...two...
Casey: Good evening, from New York City I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell, those stories plus we've got a Major League Baseball trade that brought some birds home to roost.
Dan: The ACC was the place to be in college hoops last night and we'll take you to the Dean Dome after a quick stop in the Land of Lincoln. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around.
Dave: We're out.
Elliot: Hey guys. That was great. So what's this I hear about you and Yoko Ono?

*credits*


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Tags: it's time, phone sex, sally, season 1, yoko ono
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