Casey: (next to a graphic of Wayne Gretzky) Seriously. Keep an eye on this guy. My gut instinct says he's got a future in the NHL. Dan?
Dan: Kim Galey can't stop breaking records and these days, the only records she's breaking are mostly her own. Our Jennifer Crystal caught up with Kim in Baton Rouge.
Dave: 30 seconds back.
Dan: A little recon.
Dan: A little recon is all I'm asking.
Dan: You go up there...
Dan: You introduce yourself...
Dan: And you recommend me.
Casey: I recommend you?
Dan: Casey, come on.
Casey: You want me to walk into the office of a woman I don't know. A woman who was turned you down each and every one of the 17 times that you have asked her out... and recommend you?
Dan: You do?
Dan: You think it's cause she won't go out with me?
Dan: You think it's getting distracting?
Dan: I'm not distracted.
Dan: I'm not.
Dave: Back in 10.
Dan: And you won't do recon?
Dan: Don't you think I'd do it for you?
Casey: Oh, I know you wouldn't.
Dan: I'm not distracted.
Dave: In 3...2...
Dan: The sophomore sensation accredits her agility and quick first step to her father, who used to take her to a neighborhood park all covered with cheese. We'll be bringing you part two of that story tomorrow night. Casey?
Casey: The San Diego Padres...
Jeremy: Did he just say cheese?
Elliot: He did just say cheese?
Dana: What was it supposed to be?
Jeremy: What was it supposed to be?
Natalie: Let me find it.
Jeremy: A park all covered with cheese?
Dana: I had three people talking in my ear.
Natalie: I can't find it. What block?
Kim: We just did it.
Elliot: The 50s.
Jeremy: How about a park all covered with trees?
Natalie: He said cheese?
Jeremy: Welcome to the show.
Casey: ...for double-A Scottsdale, with 86 strikeouts. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so come on back.
Dave: We're out.
Will: Two minutes back.
Casey: A neighborhood park all covered with cheese?
Dan: Did I say cheese?
Casey: You said cheese?
Dan: Dana, did I say "park all covered with cheese"?
Dana: There's a consensus, yes.
Dan: What're YOU looking at?
Casey: I'm here for you man.
Dan: Let me fix it when we come back.
Dana: Fix it when we come back.
Casey: Are we sure it's wrong? Are we sure the park ISN'T all covered with cheese?
Dan: It's covered with trees, and shut up.
Casey: I was just about to change my mind and recommend you.
Dan: Dana, Casey's being mean to me.
Dana: Casey? Be nice to Dan.
Casey: (reading from script) "The sophomore sensation accredits her agility and quick first step to her father, who used to take her to a neighborhood park all covered with cheese." Dana? We got all kinds of sentence construction here. I think he's going to have to explain that it's the PARK that's covered with cheese, and not the father.
Dan: This is an unforgiving room.
Natalie: Plus, it's a little hard to figure how running through cheese helped the kid with her agility and quick first step.
Dan: Thank you, everyone.
Casey: Boy will I be happy when someone gets me the film on Albert Belle. That would bea happy moment for me.
Dana: Guess what?
Dana: I'm going snorkeling.
Casey: Seriously. Don't anybody bring me the Albert Belle film that I asked for, 'cause I'll get emotional.
Dana: Did you hear me?
Casey: Yeah, you're going snorkeling.
Dana: I'm going snorkeling of the island of Latok.
Casey: Where's Latok?
Dana: I do not know.
Casey: Also, if anyone brought me the film on Albert Belle that'd be bad, 'cause I'd be able to work right now.
Dana: Don't you want to know when I'm going?
Casey: When are you going?
Dana: Week after next. Weekend after next. Next Friday through next Sunday.
Casey: You seem pretty excited.
Dana: You bet I'm excited.
Casey: I'm assuming this is with Gordon?
Dana: He asked me last night.
Casey: Just the two of you?
Dana: Just the two of us... and three other couples. What does that sound like to you?
Casey: A total of four couples.
Dana: Do you think it's a good sign?
Casey: That he ask you to go snorkeling?
Dana: Me too.
Casey: Is there anything else?
Dana: It sounds good, doesn't it?
Casey: The snorkeling?
Dana: That he asked me. Just the two of us, just the eight of us, off the island of Latok.
Casey: Sounds like a lot of people are going to be having sex with a lot of other people who aren't me.
Dana: (laughs) That's right.
Casey walks away. Natalie walks up.
Dana: I'm going snorkeling.
Natalie: What do you mean?
Dana: Gordon asked me to go snorkeling.
Natalie: Is he going too?
Dana: Of course he's... yes. Do you think he called me and said "Dana, I want you to go away from me and snorkel?" God you don't think that's what he meant, do you? Absolutely not. I'm going snorkeling!
Natalie: That's great.
Dana: Isn't it?
Dana: Isn't it just great?
Natalie: It really is.
Dana: I'm going snorkeling.
Natalie: Are you okay?
Dana: You have to help me.
Dana: 'Cause I'm going snorkeling.
Natalie: What's the problem?
Dana: I can't snorkel.
Natalie: Sure you can.
Dana. No. I can't.
Natalie: I've seen you swim.
Dana: I swim just fine.
Natalie: And you like the water.
Dana: I like the water very much.
Natalie: They'll teach you how to snorkel.
Dana: Augh, no they won't Natalie. They really really won't.
Natalie: Why not?
Dana: I'm afraid of fish.
Natalie: You're afraid of fish?
Dana: I'm afraid of fish, Natalie. Fish frighten me in a very real way.
Natalie: Have you had a bad experience with fish?
Natalie: Then what's the...
Dana: Well, it's just the way it is.
Natalie: Well, that puts you in a bit of a pickle.
Dana: What do you think I should do?
Natalie: I don't even know what the problem is.
Dana: Then why did you say I was in a pickle?
Natalie: It's fun to say.
Dana: I can't help but notice that you're not that happy for me. Gordon asked me to spend the weekend with him when the smart money said he was going to drop me like a sack of rocks and you don't seem that happy.
Natalie: I'm happy.
Dana: I thought maybe you were going to say I shouldn't go, because I'm not really in love with Gordon.
Natalie: And secretly in love with Casey?
Dana: I thought you were gonna say that.
Natalie: I'm not.
Dana: I'm glad.
Natalie: I'm dropping it.
Dana: Thank you.
Natalie: From now on, you are no longer secretly in love with Casey.
Dana: So. What do I do?
Natalie: About the fish?
Natalie: Well, how about when everyone goes snorkeling, you, you know, don't go snorkeling?
Dana: The whole point of this is that Gordon feels I'm not giving enough of myself. Gordon loves snorkeling. He's asked me to go snorkeling, so when everyone goes snorkeling, I HAVE to go snorkeling!
Natalie: Well how about, when everyone goes snorkeling, you stay here in New York with Casey whom you secretly love? (leaves)
Dana: I should've seen that coming!
Natalie: Yes indeed.
Dan & Casey's office
Dan: She's never seen the show.
Dan: Don't you find that remarkable?
Dan: She works for CSC.
Casey: She works for Continental Corp.
Dan: Aren't we one big family?
Casey: I like to think of us that way.
Dan: And she's never seen the show.
Casey: Isn't there someone you could call?
Dan: Like who?
Casey: A grievance hotline?
Dan: I'd like you to take this seriously.
Casey: I don't think that's gonna happen, do you?
Dan: I just think if she saw me on the show, she would like me. I'm my best on the show. It's what I want people to see. I put all day into one hour and I'm proud of it, but she won't watch the show.
Casey: I'm really troubled by that.
Dan: Yeah, I can tell you're all broken up.
Casey: How many times have you approached this woman?
Dan: All together?
Dan: 9 times.
Casey: Including the flowers?
Dan: 12 times.
Casey: And waiting by the elevator?
Dan: 15 times.
Casey: Okay, now...
Dan: 17 times.
Casey: 17 times.
Casey: And what has she said every time?
Dan: Well, it usually runs something along the lines of, "Dan. I'm not interested."
Dan: "Dan, you're a nice guy, but I'm just not interested."
Casey: So let me ask, have you explored the possibility that she's not interested?
Dan: Oh, I'm well aware that she's not interested.
Casey: Well, have you tried showing her how to feel, Danny? Have you tried doing it at least... 20 times?
Dan: I will not be the subject of your mockery.
Casey: Oh I think you shall.
Dan: (sees Jeremy in the News Room and runs towards him) Jeremy.
Jeremy: What do you need?
Jeremy: You called me.
Jeremy: What do you need?
Casey: (calling out from his office) Don't listen to him Jeremy.
Dan: Nobody's talking to you! (turns back to Jeremy) Hi.
Jeremy: How ya doing?
Dan: I need a favor.
Jeremy: Is this about Rebecca?
Jeremy: I'm rooting for you Dan, but I really can't get involved in things like this.
Dan: It's not about Rebecca.
Jeremy: Bad things happen to people when they get involved in other people's business, a lesson I'm trying to teach Natalie. I'd like to be a good example.
Dan: It's not. About. Rebecca.
Jeremy: What's the favor?
Dan: It's about Rebecca.
Dan: Let me tell you what I'd like you to do. I'd like you to go up to her office, on some excuse, and say some nice things about me.
Jeremy: Let me tell you why I'm not gonna do that: I'll look like a jackass!
Dan: You would look sweet.
Jeremy: I don't think so.
Dan: Women love this.
Jeremy: Not as much as you may think.
Dan: Jeremy... you and I need a bond.
Jeremy: We have a bond.
Dan: It could be stronger.
Jeremy: It's pretty strong.
Dan: Look at me and Casey.
Jeremy: Was he willing to do it?
Jeremy: I've got work. (starts to walk away)
Dan: Is there nothing I wouldn't do for you? All the help I gave you with Natalie. Is there nothing I wouldn't do for you? And this is how I'm to be repaid. (Jeremy makes a resigning face) I see you're about to cave.
Jeremy: No, I just can't believe how much you sounded like my mother just then.
Dan: You'll do it?
Jeremy: What possible excuse can I give for stopping by her office?
Dan: You'll think of something.
Jeremy: I won't think of something.
Dan: You will.
Jeremy: I won't.
Dan: You're good on your feet.
Jeremy: I'm not good on my feet.
Dan: You really are.
Jeremy: I'm really not.
Dan: You just need to mention some impressive things about me. I've prepared a short list.
Jeremy: There isn't any other way we can strengthen our bond?
Jeremy: Give me the list.
Dana: This is their world, Isaac. They live where it's murky. Poisonous, tentacle-bearing, prehistoric sea creatures.
Isaac: You're afraid of fish?
Dana: And I'm not ashamed to admit it.
Isaac: There aren't gonna be any sharks down there.
Dana: We don't know what the hell's gonna be down there. It's down there. It's their home court. They know what they're doing down there. They can breathe down there. I need this ridiculous rubber tube and a pair of goggles.
Isaac: Are you afraid they're gonna make fun of you?
Isaac: No really, are you afraid the fish are gonna look at you and laugh and point and say "Look at that thing with the lungs"?
Dana: No, I'm not afraid the fish are gonna make fun of me.
Isaac: You eat fish, don't you?
Dana: And don't you think they know that?
Isaac: (laughs) I don't think snorkeling's for you.
Dana: This is what I'm saying.
Isaac: Is everything all right?
Isaac: No, I mean with you and Gordon. Is everything all right?
Dana: Yeah, it's just... I'm 33. And I'm very much afraid of fish. (leaves)
Rebecca: (on the phone) If Diane's office doesn't have it, then you should talk to Sloane. If Sloane doesn't have it, then we're working late tonight.
Jeremy: (knocks at her door) Excuse me?
Jeremy: (pointing to name on the door) Rebecca Wells?
Jeremy: Oh, I can wait 'til you're off the phone.
Rebecca: What's this about?
Jeremy: That's a perfectly fair question.
Rebecca: Doug, I'm going to call you back.
Jeremy: It could have waited.
Rebecca: What could have waited?
Jeremy: Well, I'm here to welcome you, actually. You're new here and I came to say welcome. Welcome to the building.
Rebecca: I've been working here for three years.
Jeremy: Yes. I misspoke. I'm new here.
Rebecca: And you came by to say welcome.
Rebecca: What's you're name?
Jeremy: Jeremy Goodwin.
Rebecca: Jeremy, why don't you give it another try?
Jeremy: All right, I will. (heads towards the door)
Rebecca: You're from Sports Night.
Rebecca: Dan sent you.
Rebecca: To say nice things about him.
Jeremy: I have a list!
Rebecca: Is everyone who works on your show deranged?
Jeremy: I swear, everyone but me.
Rebecca: You needed a better plan, Jeremy.
Jeremy: Yes, I know.
Rebecca: You came down here with nothin'.
Jeremy: Hey, not nothing.
Rebecca: Welcome to the building?
Jeremy: Won't you please, go out with Dan?
Rebecca: Well, God. Maybe. Cause at cheerleader tryouts, Kiki did say Dan was talking about me in the cafeteria.
Rebecca: Dan's a very good looking man, he's charming, he's a television star, I would think he could have any woman he wants.
Jeremy: He wants you.
Rebecca: He wants me today.
Jeremy: Well, for the last week.
Jeremy: (pause) What were we talking about?
Rebecca: (sighs) I've had experience with sportscasters.
Jeremy: What kind of experience.
Rebecca: I was married to one.
Jeremy: Which one?
Rebecca: None of your business.
Jeremy: That's right.
Rebecca: They are self-absorbed, narrow minded, immature people of limited intelligence and limitless ego.
Jeremy: It's none of my business, but if that's the kind of thing you told your husband...
Rebecca: We're through here now.
Rebecca: Take care.
Jeremy: (heads for the door, but stops and turns) Hey look, go out with him or don't go out with him, but for the record NOTHING you just said describes Dan.
Rebecca: Thank you.
Jeremy: Welcome to the building! (exits)
Dana: After 15:23, we'll throw it to a two shot on the break.
Dave: That's a bonus break.
Natalie: Yeah, but it's scripted in the 20s.
Will: You need to erase that.
Chris: I scratched it out.
Dana: All right, Tampa Bay...
Will: If you used a pencil, you could erase that.
Chris: I like to use a pen.
Dana: Tampa Bay...
Will: You should use a pencil.
Dana: Would it be possible to have one 10:00 meeting that doesn't degenerate into dork recess? The noon meeting, the 6:00, the 8:00, these are fine. And then the 10:00 rolls around and you all start to unravel. Just once I'd like that not to happen! (everyone is silent)
Natalie: All right. Casey's got 3:10...
Dana: I have to go snorkeling.
Dana: No, I have to Natalie.
Natalie: I know, I'm saying maybe now's not the time...
Dana: Gordon thinks I'm too invested in the show. I'm losing him, and I believe I can heal our relationship if I go snorkeling.
Kim: The guys I'm with... it's usually good enough just to wear the outfit.
Elliot: (answering phone) Conference room.
Dana: I will overcome my fear of fish.
Elliot: Gordon's on your line.
Dana: You see what good thinking can do?
Natalie: You want us to step outside?
Dana: He's just calling to say hi. (picks up the phone) What's happening? We were just talking about that. I'm gonna overcome my fear of fish. Really?
Natalie: Let's meet back in 20 minutes.
Dana: No, no. That's fine. This way I can take the time I was going to devote to getting my fear of fish to get over my fear of something else. Like bears I've never really been comfortable with.
Dan & Casey's office
Natalie: Hey Casey.
Casey: Hey Natalie.
Natalie: You mind if I grab a piece of paper?
Casey: Sure. (hands a sheet to Natalie, who immediately crumples it into a ball and throws it at Casey's head) 'Kay.
Natalie: How ya doin'?
Casey: What did I do?
Natalie: Why aren't you pursuing Dana the way I told you to?
Casey: Hey, Dana made it clear in no uncertain terms that she wanted me to STOP pursuing her, and that was back when I never was pursuing her, which I'm still not now.
Natalie: She's in there right now listening to Gordon bail on the snorkeling trip and she was very excited about it. She was gonna get over her fear of fish.
Casey: Fish is not what Dana's afraid of.
Natalie: What's she afraid of?
Casey: Holding out for what she deserves.
Natalie: Exactly. Exactly! I totally agree and I don't even know what that means.
Casey: Do you think Dana's happy going out with Gordon?
Natalie: I do not.
Casey: We're in agreement.
Natalie: I think Dana'd be happy going out with you.
Casey: And there we do not agree.
Natalie: Listen to what I'm telling you.
Casey: I have, and you're wrong.
Natalie: We're best friends. She tells me things.
Casey: What has she told you?
Casey: Did she tell you she'd rather be going out with me than Gordon?
Natalie: Not in those words.
Casey: In what words?
Natalie: Other words.
Natalie: Gordon's about to break up with Dana, he might even be doing it right now. And the only reason Dana cares is that she thinks she's supposed to care. She thinks this is her fault.
Natalie: Isaac. Don't you think, don't you KNOW that Dana isn't happy with Gordon, and that Gordon is about to break up with Dana and Dana only THINKS she cares?
Isaac: You know what? I'm gonna step out now and it'll be like I never came in.
Natalie: Casey. No kidding around. The world keeps moving in one direction. Do something. Really.
Casey: If I did something, Natalie, it would just be as a friend.
Casey: What should I do?
Natalie: You should go to her.
Casey: Go to her?
Natalie: You should go to her.
Casey: I should go to her now.
Casey: On a Thursday.
Casey: I should go to her.
Casey: What should I do once I get to her?
Natalie: Be a man.
Casey: Right. I've got that wired, right?
Dana leaves the conference room.
Casey: Hey, Dana...
Dana: Hey. I'm gonna move San Jose into the 4 block.
Casey: That's fine.
Dana: And you wrote a killer intro for the 40s.
Casey: Thank you.
Casey: Is everything all right with Gordon?
Casey: 'Cause I heard maybe he called off the snorkeling.
Dana: He did. We're going skiing instead.
Dana: The same place he took me that first time. Sugarbush.
Dana: Remember. See? So everything works out.
Casey: It does.
Dana: Was there anything else?
Dana: Seriously, the intro you wrote for the 40s is really funny. You are cracking me up today. (walks away)
Hallway, Rebecca's floor
Rebecca: This 1 and 3/8 has to be annotized over 4 quarters. It has to be right on all the documents before they get sent over to Shearson.
Dan: How you doing?
Dan: I knew I knew you.
Dan: You're Steve Sisco's wife.
Dan: We were introduced once.
Dan: Why have you been pretending you didn't remember?
Rebecca: Look who's talking. You didn't remember me and you weren't pretending.
Dan: Yeah, but then we met in the elevator, and you pretended you didn't remember me after that until you did remember me later but then you didn't want to go out with me anyway.
Rebecca: That's right.
Dan: Because sportscastors are self-absorbed narrow-minded people of limited intelligence and limitless ego.
Rebecca: That's right.
Dan: Let me tell you something. First of all, I'm a sports ANCHOR not a sportscastor. Second of all you married a jerk. I know about Steve Sisco. Everybody knows about Steve Sisco. Sister, you married a loser. And the fact that you think that that man's low grade brand of manhood is anyway indicative of my profession is beneath your obvious intelligence and class. What guys like that do to women like you makes me absolutely crazy. I knew I recognized you. Will you look at this? You're working late, I have a show to do in about 10 minutes just 12 stories up. There's no earthly reason why you shouldn't be having dinner with me after the show. It would be midnight and we'd go to a great place and I'd ask you about your day because I genuinely do care about your day. And I'd be funny and you'd have a good time. And when I took you home, at like 3 am, I'd try to kiss you good night and I think I'd be successful. In fact, I know it. And I can't believe that none of that's gonna happen 'cause once there was a time you married an idiot. (elevator doors open) I've got to get back to my job. Which, rest assured, I do considerably better than Steve Sisco.
Rebecca: (pauses for a moment, then walks by the elevator, laughing) Neighborhood park all covered with cheese?
Dan: (runs out of the elevator) I knew it. You've been watching the show.
Rebecca: Cheese, Danny?
Dan: I was distracted.
Rebecca: How exactly did the cheese...
Dan: You know what? I've actually heard them all. I gotta go.
Rebecca: Were you, uh, by any chance...thinking about me at that moment?
Dan: What moment?
Rebecca: The moment of the hideous cheese blunder.
Dan: I wouldn't really call it a hideous cheese blunder.
Rebecca: (laughing) Danny, you said a park all covered with cheese!
Dan: I know. That's the second time you've called me Danny.
Rebecca: Do you like it?
Rebecca: Was it because of me?
Rebecca: The hideous cheese mistake?
Dan: I was distracted.
Rebecca: Listen, I have to work late. If you're not doing anything tonight, do you want to get some dinner after your show?
Dan: I've got a date tonight. (walks towards the elevator, then stops) That was a joke. That was a little joke I wrapped up and gave to you free for nothing.
Rebecca: I am serious Danny, if you turn out to be a jack ass, I am gonna... No kidding, with God as my witness, I am gonn do something bad to you with numbers.
Dan: I stand warned.
Rebecca: Do you swear the hideous cheese mistake was because of me?
Rebecca: That's really nice. Thank you.
Dan: I'll see you later. (steps into the elevator)
Rebecca: See ya.
Dana: I don't have sound on Philly and I'm still looking for a cold graphic.
Kim: Preview 2.
Dana: I don't have Philly.
Natalie: Nobody has Philly.
Jeremy: The feed from San Antonio?
Jeremy: Don't be freaked out if it's in Spanish.
Dana: Where's Dan?
Natalie: Where's Dan?
Dana: I don't have Philly and I don't have Dan.
Jeremy: Dan, despite my best efforts, is getting his heart broken by Rebecca, who gave me quite a tongue-lashing, by the way.
Dave: Live in 30 seconds.
Natalie: Excuse me, she gave you a what?
Dan: (singing) Zip a dee doo dah. Zip a dee ay. My oh my, what a wonderful day.
Elliot: (into headset) Dan's back.
Dana: Thank you Dan.
Dan: (singing) Plenty of sunshine, plenty of hay.
Casey: Uh, it's not plenty of hay. It's plenty of sunshine, headin' my way.
Dan: That makes more sense.
Casey: I gather it went well.
Dan: Sometimes it's worth it, taking all the pies in the face. Sometimes you come through it feeling good.
Dan: And how was your day?
Casey: Sometimes you just stand there. Hip deep in pie.
Dave: In 3...2...
Casey: Good evening. From New York City, I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell. Those stories plus, we'll take you to Indian Wells for a hard core preview with Marcello Rios.
Dan: We'll take you out to Auburn Hills where the Pistons tipped off against a Shaq attack minus the Shaq. All that coming up after this, you're watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around.