blonde high heeled feminist (notashamed) wrote in sntranscripts,
blonde high heeled feminist

Season 1: Episode 16: Sally

News Room
Dave, Will, Chris, Elliot and Kim are sitting around looking very, very bored.
Elliot: Is it me, or is this an incredibly slow news day.
Chris It's very slow.
Dave: It's excrutiatingly slow.
Will: Yet here we are.
Kim: Here we be.
Chris: Waiting for the news to happen.
Elliot: Waiting for the games to start.
Kim: What time does the first game start, Elliot?
Elliot: In seven hours.
Kim: Wow.

Dan & Casey's Office
Dan: Was it your favorite?
Casey: The shirt?
Dan: Was it your favorite shirt?
Casey: I don't have a favorite shirt.
Dan: The white J. Press.
Casey: That's not my favorite shirt.
Dan: The white J. Press isn't your favorite shirt?
Casey: No.
Dan: What's your favorite shirt?
Casey: I don't have a favorite shirt.
Dan: What shirt are you missing?
Casey: The white J. Press.
Dan: Your favorite.
Casey: Shut up.
Dan: How did you lose it?
Casey: I didn't lose it.
Dan: Then how come you can't you find it?
Casey: I didn't say I couldn't find it. I said I didn't have it.
Dan: (a smirk takes over Danny's face) Wait.
Casey: Dan...
Dan: Wait!
Casey: Leave it alone.
Dan: Oh my goodness gracious.
Casey: Danny...
Dan: You had sex with a woman.
Casey: No.
Dan: Yes.
Casey: No.
Dan: You did.
Casey: I didn't.
Dan: You went to a woman's apartment, and there you had wine. And there you had sex.
Casey: You are way off base. That is not what happened. Except, yes, that's what happened.
Dan: Casey...
Casey: Fine.
Dan: I'm so proud of you.
Casey: I never liked you at all.
Dan: You've got that rosy glow about you.

Isaac's Office
Jeremy: So here's the thing. Natalie's invited me to spend Easter at her parents' house in Ohio. It would be three days and two nights that would include various family and holiday oriented events such as dinners and trips to church. Now. I'm Jewish.
Dana: No kidding?
Jeremy: Right. And I need some guidance. 'Cause I don't mind telling you, I'm feeling just a little anxious about this. Number-1: Is it too early in our relationship for me to be spending three days at her parents'. I mean, it's not like I'm Pacino going back to Corleone and bringing gifts to Appolonia's family. And Number-2: I'm Jewish. And her family is, you know, incredibly not. Which isn't, by the way, any sort of problem for me, but I do think it might be a problem for them, because after all, there are those who think I killed their Lord, Jesus Christ. Not me directly, mind you. I didn't drive the getaway car or anything. In fact, my family's from Latvia, so we've got a pretty solid alibi, but anyway, Isaac, what do you think?
Isaac: Oh my God, were you talkin' to me all that whole time?
Jeremy: You want me to start again?
Isaac: Yeah. But first, could you just hit me over the head with that blunt instrument over there?
Dana: Jeremy, is there any news to report?
Jeremy: On what?
Dana: On the news.
Jeremy: Is there any news to report?
Dana: Sports, the news, your job, I'm saying is there any news to report?
Jeremy: I gotta tell you, there really isn't.
Dana: Isaac's got a lot of work to do.
Jeremy: How 'bout we talk about it later.
Isaac: Excellent. (Jeremy leaves)
Dana: You must be getting tired of hearing everyone's personal problems.
Isaac: Just a little.
Dana: It's an office, after all.
Isaac: That's right.
Dana: You're our boss, not our bartender. We shouldn't be leaning on you like this.
Isaac: Just so long as we're professional.
Dana: Gordon stood me up last night.
Isaac: You were supposed to go out?
Dana: We were supposed to go out.
Isaac: Ah.
Dana: Is that all you have to say?
Isaac: I'm surprised I could muster up that much.
Dana: We were gonna go to dinner and a late show at Rainbow and Stars. But he had to work late. Which, look... I'm not gonna be one of those women. He has an important job, which he loves. He had to work late.
Isaac: When I was eleven, I had a pet fish that died.
Dana: And, what does that have to do with Gordon standing me up?
Isaac: Nothing. I thought you were finished.
Dana: Isaac--
Isaac: Dana, go do your show.
Dana: Right. (Dana turns to leave and as she does, Casey enters Isaac's office)
Casey: Hey.
Dana: Hey.
Casey: How was it last night?
Dana: Great. It was great. Dinner at Rainbow and Stars, dessert at Cafe Luxembourg, then we stayed up all night and we laaaaughed. (Dana leaves)
Casey: What was that about?
Isaac: There's nothing like Tuesdays at noon. No news, nothing to keep your minds busy.
Casey: Everybody coming in here with their personal problems?
Isaac: As if--
Casey: I had sex last week for the first time since Lisa and I split up. It was with a woman I hardly know. I'm feeling kind of conflicted about it. For many reasons, I suppose, not the least of which is that I obviously have to confront some unresolved feelings for Dana. Plus, I really miss my shirt.
Isaac: (stands up) Keep talking. I'm just going to start drinking now.

Editing Room
Natalie: Aren't we supposed to be featuring the box-and-one?
Dana: Yes.
Natalie: Well we can probably find a better example of a box-and-one.
Dana: Why?
Natalie: 'Cause this isn't a box-and-one.
Dana: (Jeremy is in the studio, standing at a table covered with food and glasses) What's Jeremy doing out here?
Natalie: He's making egg-nog.
Dana: He's making egg-nog?
Natalie: Isn't he sweet?
Dana: Why's he making egg-nog?
Natalie: Cause he hates it.
Dana: He doesn't like egg-nog.
Natalie: It makes him sick.
Dana: Does he know that no one drinks egg-nog at Easter?
Natalie: He thinks that we do.
Dana: You don't want to set him straight?
Natalie: He's just getting the hang of it.
Dana: Let's talk about work.
Natalie: Alright, the box-and-one, especially if we're talking about North Carolina...
Dana: Everything's good now.
Natalie: I'm sorry?
Dana: Everything's good.
Natalie: With Gordon.
Dana: Yes.
Natalie: Excellent.
Dana: The ski weekend was good.
Natalie: Good.
Dana: That was all I had to say.
Natalie: Okay. The North Carolina...
Dana: I meant that it was right.
Natalie: The ski weekend.
Dana: It was the right thing to do. Two people talk, they straighten things out...
Natalie: So everything's good.
Dana: It is.
Natalie: Excellent. North Caroline has...
Dana: It's better than good.
Natalie: I'd have settled for good.
Dana: This is better.
Natalie: Good.
Dana: North Carolina.
Natalie: The box in one...
Dana: Here's the thing:
Natalie: Dana...
Dana: It's just this one thing.
Natalie: What?
Dana: It's this. And I preface this by saying...
Natalie: ...that everything's good?
Dana: Everything's very good.
Natalie: But here's the thing:
Dana: He stood me up last night.
Natalie: Ah.
Dana: Yes.
Natalie: Why?
Dana: He said he had to work late.
Natalie: Maybe he had to work late.
Dana: I'm sure he had to work late. Gordon doesn't lie. He wouldn't lie to me. And, plus, he oftentimes has to work late. So...I am just a ridiculous person. (laughs nervously)
Natalie: You want to talk about it?
Dana: No. No, I wanna work.
Natalie: When North Carolina throws the box and one--
Dana: My instinct is to call him.
Natalie: Don't.
Dana: I know.
Natalie: Repel that instinct!
Dana: I'm trying.
Natalie: Dana?
Dana: Yeah?
Natalie: You don't want to be that kind of woman.
Dana: I don't.
Natalie: You don't want to make that call.
Dana: It's not attractive.
Natalie: It's not attractive.
Dana: It's not attractive, and I'll tell you what else: It is no fun.
Natalie: That's right.
Dana: (picks up the phone) "Were you really working last night or can I just turn you off a little more by being insane?"
Natalie: You don't want to be that.
Dana: I really don't.
Natalie: That's right.
Dana: And yet it seems I am.
Natalie: Yes indeed.
Dana: I am that woman.
Natalie: But you can grow.
Dana: That's right.
Natalie: You can grow.
Dana: I can grow. I'm ripe for growth. I'm nothing if not potential.
Natalie: Yes.
Dana: But I don't think it's gonna happen today.
Natalie: You're gonna call him?
Dana: I wouldn't put it past me.
Natalie: I don't think you should call him.
Dana: I don't either.
Natalie: Things are good.
Dana: They're very, very good.
Natalie: It wouldn't be attractive.
Dana: No.
Natalie: It won't be endearing.
Dana: That's right.
Natalie: It's a bad idea.
Dana: Yet here I go. (picks up phone and dials)

Dan & Casey's office
Dan: How exactly did the shirt get left behind?
Casey: We don't really have to talk about this do we?
Dan: I think we do.
Casey: Yeah.
Dan: I think it's good for you.
Casey: Thanks.
Dan: How did the shirt get left behind?
Casey: I spilled wine.
Dan: She offered to throw it in the laundry.
Casey: I told her not to go to any trouble.
Dan: Oh it's no trouble.
Casey: But then morning comes around...
Dan: And you don't feel like sticking around for the shirt to come out of the dryer.
Casey: So I put my jacket on over my t-shirt...
Dan: And slink on home.
Casey: I didn't slink.
Dan: What time was it?
Casey: About six a.m.
Dan: Just getting light outside?
Casey: Yeah.
Dan: Jacket over the t-shirt?
Casey: Like I said.
Dan: You slinked.
Casey: Danny...
Dan: You slinked, my young friend. I've never felt closer to you in my entire life.

Editing Room
Dana: (on phone) I'll tell you why I called, and this is going to sound silly...
Natalie: Abort, Dana.
Dana: There was no reason for this call. There was absolutely no reason. This was a call in the middle of the day to say hello. Because that's the cut of my jib.
Natalie: Would you please?
Dana: That would be great. That would be really good. (whispers to Natalie) This is really good. That's really good. I'll see you later. Goodbye. (hangs up) He's coming by tonight for the show. Then we're gonna go out. The tone in his voice, his tone of voice, it was all I needed to hear. I could tell right away.
Natalie: I'm glad.
Dana: You see what I'm talking about? Communication.
Natalie: Yes.
Dana: Between two people.
Natalie: Yes.
Dana: "The cut of my jib." I've never said that before.
Natalie: It sounded good.
Dana: Jeremy's still at it with the eggnog?
Natalie: He badly wants to be accepted by my parents.
Dana: Yes.
Natalie: Come to think of it, so do I.
Dana: Sure.
Natalie: Look! An editing machine! We can work!
Dana: His tone of voice...
Natalie: You guys'll have a great time tonight.
Dana: Things are very good right now.
Natalie: That's right.
Dana: I was feeling strange, and now I'm not feeling strange anymore.
Natalie: Good. North Carolina.
Dana: I still feel strange.
Natalie: I know.
Dana: Why do I feel strange?
Natalie: I have a theory.
Dana: You have a theory about this?
Natalie: I have a theory about why you're feeling strange.
Dana: I know you do, but I choose not to hear it.
Natalie: Well life's not quite like that, is it, though?
Dana: No it's not.
Natalie: Here's my theory...
Dana: Yes?
Natalie: You don't like Gordon.
Dana: That's an interesting theory, and you'd be completely right except for the fact that you're totally wrong.
Natalie: Dana...
Dana: Natalie...
Natalie: This is you and me talking Dana. I'm not other people. This is our little coven of women.
Dana: A coven is a group of witches.
Natalie: I thought a coven was just a group.
Dana: It's a group of witches.
Natalie: All right, then it's our little something else.
Dana: Also, because a coven is more than two.
Natalie: A coven is more than two?
Dana: Yes.
Natalie: Are you sure?
Dana: Yes.
Natalie: Are you absolutely sure?
Dana: Yes.
Natalie: Then thank you, William Safire.
Dana: I'm just saying, if you're gonna mis-use the word, you should do it properly.
Natalie: You don't like Gordon.
Dana: That's not true.
Natalie: It is true, and you happen to be the only one who doesn't know it.
Dana: I like Gordon a lot. I love Gordon. I'm telling you...
Natalie: And I'm telling you that when you use that word in a romantic context you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.
Dana: Well now. (pauses)
Natalie: The box-and-one.
Dana: That was a lousy thing to say about Gordon.
Natalie: I didn't say it about Gordon, I said it about you.
Dana: Let's work.
Natalie: That'd be fine.
Dana: I'm calling him again.
Natalie: To hear his tone of voice?
Dana: That's right.
Natalie: Imagine my surprise.
Dana: I'd like some privacy.
Natalie: I'll go get some Fritos. (turns to go)
Dana: Thank you.
Natalie: Would you like any Fritos?
Dana: No, I'm fine.
Natalie: I'll be the judge of that. (walks out into studio)
Dana: Apparently you will be.
Natalie: (to Jeremy) I have to say, this is one of those moments I'm compelled to tell you how wonderful you are. Every once in a while I'm reminded how lucky I am that I'm dating a solid, mature man. (Jeremy looks back, expressionless.) Jeremy, swallow the egg-nog.
Jeremy: (spitting all over himself) I just can't.


News Room
Kim: Anybody remember Salanio and Salerio?
Will: Yes.
Kim: Chris?
Chris: Salanio and Salerio?
Kim: From The Merchant of Venice.
Chris: Yes.
Kim: Yes you remember them?
Chris: Yes.
Kim: Elliot?
Elliot: What.
Dave: She wants to know if you remember them.
Elliot: I don't believe I do.
Kim: They brought news. News of Antonio and his ship and the state of Shylock's loan to Bassanio. They helped to keep the audience up to date. The "Venticelli", they were called. "The Little Winds."
Dave: Man, this is about as bored as I've ever been in my life.
Kim: (Jeremy walks by) Jeremy. Good Jeremy. What ho!
Jeremy: What ho?
Kim: What news, Jeremy?
Jeremy: Why is she talking like this?
Elliot: She thinks she's Sacco and Vanzetti.
Kim: Salanio and Salerio.
Will: The Little Winds.
Jeremy: The Venticelli.
Kim: Yes.
Jeremy: Dana's having second thoughts about Gordon. Dana thinks it's because Gordon stood her up last night under suspicious circumstances, but Natalie thinks it's because Dana really likes Casey. Casey's a little out of sorts because sometime last week he spent the night with someone. Casey thinks it's because it was too soon after his marriage broke up, but Dan thinks it's because Casey's in love with Dana. That's pretty much it.
Dave: Would it be wrong for you guys to just make up a news story?
Elliot: It would be fundamentally wrong.
Jeremy: Can any of you tell me anything about the Host wafer?

Dan & Casey's Office
Dan: So you made her breakfast?
Casey: No.
Dan: You didn't make her breakfast?
Casey: I just left.
Dan: 'Cause you were uncomfortable.
Casey: Yes.
Dan: Something wasn't right.
Casey: Yes.
Dan: You coulda fried her an egg, dude.
Casey: Danny...
Dan: Haven't you noticed that there's a question I haven't asked you.
Casey: Yes.
Dan: I haven't asked you who it was.
Casey: No you haven't.
Dan: I haven't asked you her name.
Casey: I appreciate it.
Dan: You know why I haven't asked?
Casey: It was like a week ago, Danny. Can we drop it?
Dan: I haven't asked, because that's not what men do.
Casey: It's really not.
Dan: We don't ask. We don't tell. We don't do a lot of the things that women think we do.
Casey: That's what makes us men.
Dan: Was it Victoria?
Casey: Who's Victoria?
Dan: From your building?
Casey: That's Leslie.
Dan: Was it Leslie?
Casey: I'm not telling you her name.
Dan: We can do this the hard way or we can do this the easy way.
Casey: What's the hard way?
Dan: I don't know, but the easy way is you telling me her name.
Casey: Danny...
Dan: What's the big deal?
Casey: It's not a big deal, and that's why I'm not gonna tell you her name.
Dan: Just whisper it in my ear.
Casey: Ohm you know that's not gonna happen.
Dan: If it's easier, you could write it down.
Casey: Why would that be easier?
Dan: Maybe the name's difficult to pronounce.
Casey: The name's not difficult to pronounce.
Dan: Now we're getting somewhere.

Editing Room
Dana: Can I ask you a question?
Natalie: Is it about the box-and-one?
Dana: Yes.
Natalie: Sure.
Dana: Do you think Casey's been seeing Sally?
Natalie: No.
Dana: You don't?
Natalie: No.
Dana: You don't think he's been seeing Sally?
Natalie: No.
Dana: Just like that?
Natalie: What do you mean?
Dana: I mean it seems like you didn't have to think about it at all. You didn't have to consider it.
Natalie: I didn't.
Dana: Why not?
Natalie: 'Cause I know he's not seeing Sally.
Dana: How do you know?
Natalie: 'Cause if he was, I'd know.
Dana: That's what I thought, too. I thought, if he was, I'd know. But then I thought, Casey's very discreet. He's extremely discreet.
Natalie: Discretion is very big with Casey.
Dana: Very big. And then I also thought, why wouldn't he be seeing Sally? Sally is maybe the best looking woman, I don't know, in the world. He's just gotten done with a ten year marriage to... now don't get me wrong, cause she's an old friend... a pretty hideous wench. Wouldn't you be seeing Sally? I'd be seeing Sally.
Natalie: He's not seeing Sally.
Dana: Sally's body is ridiculous.
Natalie: You have a very good body, Dana.
Dana: You bet your ass I do.
Natalie: That's right.
Dana: And you do, too.
Natalie: Tell me about it.
Dana: But that woman's body is over the line.
Natalie: He's not seeing Sally.
Dana: Then he's out of his mind.
Natalie: You really like my body?
Dana: She'd be receptive to his advances. She's made that quite known.
Natalie: I grant you that.
Dana: She is Sally-the-Willing.
Natalie: You know how I know Casey isn't seeing Sally?
Dana: How?
Natalie: Because he really cares about you. And he knows it would hurt your feelings.

Dan & Casey's Office
Dan: I, for example, have had, from time to time, trouble pronouncing the name 'Moira'. Also, we know someone named 'Kirsten', and many people pronounce it 'Keersten'.
Casey: It's not Kirsten and it's not Moira.
Dan: Jane's an easy name to pronounce.
Casey: It's not Jane.
Dan: So's Pam.
Casey: You know what? I have an idea. Let's talk about this a lot more.
Dan: I have literally nothing to do.
Casey: Get a score on Michigan/Michigan State.
Sally: (appears at the door) 84-66 Michigan.
Dan: Look at that.
Casey: Hey Sally.
Dan: Sally had the score.
Sally: What's going' on?
Casey: Virtually nothing.
Dan: Sally was right there with the score.
Sally: You got a problem with me today, Dan?
Dan: You're 19 feet tall, why are you wearing heels?
Sally: Are you feeling diminutive?
Dan: No. But now I have to look up that word.
Sally: Casey... I can't find it.
Casey: You can't find it?
Sally: The thing.
Casey: Yeah.
Sally: You know what I'm talking about?
Casey: Yeah.
Sally: I can't find it anywhere.
Casey: That's okay.
Sally: I'll keep looking.
Casey: You know, if it turns up.
Sally: Maybe it got mixed up with someone else's laundry.
Casey: It's no big deal.
Sally: Maybe I'll see you later.
Casey: I'll be here. Or on the air. I'll be here or there.
Sally: I know.
Casey: Of course.
Sally: Have a good show. (leaves)
Casey: (keeps his back to Danny as he takes a deep breath and turns to face him)</i> Okay, you only think you know what she was talking about.
Dan: I have a hunch I cracked her code, yes.
Casey: She was talking about a pair of cross-country skis that she borrowed.
Dan: That may have gotten mixed up in the laundry.
Casey: Yes.
Dan: While I applaud your initiative, while I like that you're moving forward, and while I admire your having climbed Mt. Sally...
Casey: Danny......
Dan: This is a recipe for disaster.
Casey: It's no big deal.
Dan: Moreover...
Casey: What.
Dan: You shouldn't tell Dana.
Casey: Of course I'm not gonna tell Dana.
Dan: I mean Dana shouldn't find out.
Casey: I know.
Dan: Do you?
Casey: Yes.

Isaac's Office
Isaac: What is it, Jeremy?
Jeremy: Interesting thing. Did you know that the word 'Easter' never appears in the Bible?
Isaac: Is that right?
Jeremy: The Bible is absent any mention of a celebration of the resurrection of Christ, save for one verse. Acts 12, Verse 4, and that's only in the King James Bible, where the word 'Passover' was mistranslated as Easter. However, the New King James, The American Standard, and even the New International Version, all translate the word correctly as 'Passover'.
Isaac: That's a relief.
Jeremy: I did a search on the word 'resurrection'.
Isaac: Excellent.
Jeremy: Want to hear more?
Isaac: Not at all.
Jeremy: Can I ask a question?
Isaac: Sure.
Jeremy: Jesus said, "Behold my hands and my feet, that it is myself: handle me and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have."
Isaac: What's your question?
Jeremy: This relates to the bunny rabbit how?
Isaac: Get out.
Jeremy: No problem.

Control Room
Dana and Gordon are talking and cuddling in the Control Room. Casey watches them from the hall for the moment and then enters)
Casey: Get a room, for cryin' out loud.
Gordon: How're you doin'?
Casey: It's a very slow news day.
Gordon: A bunch of Congressmen are about to vote to roll-back entire sections of the 77 sub-B.
Casey: Are any of them gonna be holding basketballs when they do it?
Gordon: Probably not.
Casey: You're here early.
Gordon: I like watching Dana in action.
Casey: Who doesn't?
Dana: Listen, I better get in action. Shout if you need me.
Gordon: I need you.
Dana: Just like that. (Dana exits)
Casey: Hey. Gordon. Have you met a woman who works downstairs named Sally?
Gordon: Really tall?
Casey: Yeah. She's the executive producer on West Coast Update. The two a.m.
Gordon: Yeah, we've talked a couple of times.
Casey: Yeah. Yeah. (takes a couple steps to the door, then turns back) Don't take my friendship with Dana for granted.
Gordon: What do you mean?
Casey: I know you think that I'm in love with her and I know she thinks that I'm in love with her, and that's all fine as long as it's all fun and games. But I want you to know that Dana's important to me. I've known her a long time and I like her a lot. And there are certain lengths I'd go to to avoid seeing her get hurt in any way.
Gordon: What's on your mind, Casey?
Casey: You're wearing my shirt, Gordon.
(long pause)
Gordon: I was wondering why it felt so tight.
Casey: Yeah.

Dan & Casey's office
Dana: Hey.
Casey: Hey.
Dana: So what were you and Gordon talking about?
Casey: Before?
Dana: Yeah.
Casey: Nothing.
Dana: No, really.
Casey: Really. It was--
Dana: You guys are getting along well now.
Casey: Yeah.
Dana: I'm glad.
Casey: Me too.
Dana: Things are going so good now, Casey.I mean with the two of us.
Casey: You and Gordon.
Dana: Yeah.
Casey: That's great.
Dana: Isn't it?
Casey: Yes.
Dana: What?
Casey: Nothing.
Dana: Really?
Casey: Yeah, I was--
Elliot: (sticks his head in) The games have started.
Dana: What?
Elliot: The games.
Dana: Right. Let's go. (walks into newsroom, as "Crimson & Clover" starts to play) I wanna see the people who work here work here. Kim, stay on the DePaul game, we're gonna back it up to the feature. Elliot, get a wire summary and the cut footage on the 40's and make sure that Natalie sees it. Chris, Will, Dave, I need a sound test and a color pattern before ten. It's showtime, let's move.


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Tags: egg nog, gordon, season 1, shirt, slow news day
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