blonde high heeled feminist (notashamed) wrote in sntranscripts,
blonde high heeled feminist

Season 2: Episode 5: Shane

DAN I remember him being pretty shy.
ABBY Your brother?
DAN Sam. I have an older brother too, named David.
ABBY But Sam's the one who was killed.
DAN Yeah.
ABBY And what about the cafeteria?
DAN What?
ABBY You were talking about the cafeteria and about how, after Sam, you got nervous with people.
DAN Yeah.
ABBY What were you saying about the cafeteria?
DAN Just that I would walk up to a the cafeteria, and these would be people I like, and I'd be good for two or three minutes before I'd have to leave. My friends called me Hit and Run Danny.
ABBY What would happen after you left the table?
DAN After I left?
ABBY Yeah.
DAN Nothing.
ABBY Nothing?
DAN Yeah.
ABBY You sure?
DAN Sometimes I'd go to another table.
ABBY I noticed you do that on the telephone too.
DAN I'm not that good on the phone.
ABBY You're not that good on the phone, you're not that good at the table. Where were you good?
DAN I'm good on television.
ABBY I'll say.
DAN Did you watch the show tonight?
ABBY Yeah.
DAN Did you like it?
DAN I've won awards, you know.
ABBY Yeah?
DAN Yeah, well, no, I mean, but I've been nominated for them.
ABBY I'm sure you'll win one.
DAN So you liked it?
DAN Yet you're not saying that you liked it.
ABBY I just did.
DAN Not really.
ABBY In fact, I've said it three times.
DAN You look great tonight.
ABBY Thank you.
DAN You're beautiful and charming.
ABBY Thank you.
DAN You see how I said that without being solicited?
DAN Want another drink?
ABBY Are you being Hit and Run Danny right now?

CASEY Jeremy, did I mention my Close Up interview tomorrow?
JEREMY Several times.
CASEY Mr. Shane McArnold, Jeremy. Mr. Shane McArnold.
JEREMY He's a twit.
CASEY Hey, excuse me, you weren't just talking about Mr. Shane McArnold, were you?
CASEY How about a lifetime .303 batting average? How about 348 home runs? How about back-to-back 30/30 seasons?
JEREMY How about the fact that he's a twit?
CASEY He happens to be a friend of mine.
JEREMY He also happens to be a twit.
CASEY I'm not talking to you right now.
JEREMY You were looking at me.
CASEY That's because I was talking to you before, but now, right now, I'm shifting my focus to Natalie.
CASEY Natalie--
NATALIE Did anybody see this?
CASEY Tomorrow's Close Up interview?
NATALIE Did anybody see this?
NATALIE In the paper.
NATALIE The Vatican says there's no such place as hell.
CASEY Really?
NATALIE "Hell is not a place but a state."
JEREMY There's no hell?
NATALIE No hell.
JEREMY Well, that's a load off my mind.
CASEY I shouldn't be here with you people.

DAN So, is this a date?
ABBY This is a drink.
DAN I'll take it.
ABBY What would happen when you left the table?
DAN What do you mean?
ABBY After two or three minutes, what would happen after you left the table?
DAN Nothing.
ABBY Wouldn't you shake sometimes?
DAN Sometimes.
ABBY And you'd start to sweat?
DAN I thought this wasn't a therapy session.
ABBY And sometimes, Danny, wouldn't you have to go someplace and throw up?
DAN Yeah.
ABBY And there's no reason to talk in the past tense, right? I mean, it still happens today.
DAN Yeah.
ABBY And recently, it's been worse, right?
DAN How do you know all this?
ABBY Danny, you have to get hip to the fact I didn't get my license in the Virgin Islands. Thanks for the drinks.
DAN You're leaving?
ABBY I have an early day tomorrow.
DAN Can I take you home?
ABBY I'll get a cab out front. I'm just gonna grab my coat.


Studio/Control Room
CASEY Remember, this isn't live, it's on tape, so if you have a coughing attack or you need to use the restroom--
SHANE It's good to see you, Casey.
CASEY It's great to see you, Shane.
SHANE You know, now that I'm in town, we should hook up.
CASEY Yeah, absolutely. That's amazing. That's what I was-- Hey, Jeremy, Shane McArnold just asked me out.
JEREMY (through Casey's earpiece) He's a twit.
CASEY Ah, he says he's your number one fan.
SHANE Thanks.
JEREMY You bet.
CASEY Let's do it.
JEREMY Here we go.
DAVE Roll tape.
WILL Rolling.
DAVE Speeding.
WILL Sound speed.
CHRIS This is Shane McArnold interview for CSC Close Up, 11/17/99.
CASEY Shane, after 11 years with the Kansas City Royals, you opted for free agency and signed with the New York Yankees. Let me be the first to say welcome to town. How do you feel?

JEREMY Whoa, tough one from Casey.
NATALIE Why is everyone just accepting this?
KIM Accepting what?
NATALIE There's no such place as hell.
KIM When did that happen?
NATALIE Yesterday in the paper.
KIM There's no such place as hell?
NATALIE No such place.
KIM Cool.
NATALIE Hell, they now say, is a state of being and not the fiery pit of torment depicted in books and paintings, to say nothing of the sisters who used to beat me at Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow Elementary School.
JEREMY They beat you?
NATALIE Well, they yelled at me a lot.
NATALIE So I wouldn't go to hell, Jeremy.
JEREMY It doesn't sound like you were taught by the world's happiest nuns.
NATALIE This is huge.
JEREMY I guess the "Perpetual Sorrow" should have been a giveaway.
DANA (enters) You guys listening to this?
JEREMY Listening to what?
DANA Um, the interview you're producing.
JEREMY Ha! Good one, Dana.
DANA You didn't hear what he just said?
JEREMY I'm producing this segment. My contract doesn't say anything about my having to pay attention to it.
DANA He just said he doesn't like New York.
JEREMY Give me more volume.

SHANE I'm glad to be playing for a contender. 10 fingers, no rings, you know what I'm saying? This city is a pigsty -- the garbage, the noise, the traffic, the muggings--
DANA Ask him if he's seen The Lion King yet.
JEREMY Oh, this is too much. Casey, throw him a rope.
DANA Don't throw him a rope, Casey.
SHANE And you guys speak, like, what, 14 different languages or something?
CASEY But still, you gotta be excited about playing at the stadium, huh?
DANA He threw him a rope.
SHANE Not really.
JEREMY And he's wrapping it around his neck.
DANA I am in such a good mood right now.
CASEY Shane McArnold, newest member of the New York Yankees. Thanks for talking to us today. I'm Casey McCall for Close Up on CSC.

DAVE And cut.
SHANE Hey, I thought that was pretty good.
SHANE You didn't like it?
CASEY Well, no, I-- I thought it was great.
SHANE But what?
CASEY Well, I'm just not sure that the, uh, first thing I'd do after coming to a new town is to insult everyone.
SHANE Who did I insult?
CASEY Um, well, everyone.
SHANE I didn't insult everyone.
CASEY You kind of did.
SHANE You mean everyone in New York?
CASEY We got a bit of a population here.
SHANE Hey, I hear New Yorkers say that stuff all the time.
CASEY You ever heard the expression "Nobody hits my little brother but me"?
CASEY Ok, well, it's-- it's an expression.
SHANE What does it mean?
CASEY It doesn't matter. I'll fix it.
CASEY I'll edit the tape.
SHANE You'd do that for me?
CASEY No problem.
SHANE You're the best, Casey.
CASEY I don't know if I'd say that. I'd say I'm among the best.
SHANE Whatever, man. We're gonna hook up tonight?
CASEY Yeah, I'll call you.
SHANE We'll hook up?
CASEY Oh, yeah, yeah, we are gonna throw down.
SHANE You'll edit the tape?
CASEY Yeah, I'll just see Dana.
SHANE Later.
CASEY At you. (Shane leaves.) I gotta go see Dana.

(Dana is watching the interview on tape while dancing to 'I'm Walking on Sunshine'.)
DANA What's up?
CASEY How you doin'?
DANA I'm giddy as a schoolgirl, Casey. I'm a cat with kittens.
CASEY Pretty happy with the interview?
DANA This is found gold, my friend, and who's got it besides us? Hmm...nobody!
CASEY And your, uh, little dance?
DANA My dance of joy.
DANA Let's watch it again.
CASEY Say, I was thinking, how would you feel about my editing out the part where he says he doesn't like New York? (Dana immediately stops dancing) You've, uh, stopped your dance of joy.
DANA Is the tape damaged?
DANA Is your brain on fire?
DANA Then what the hell are you talking about?
CASEY I know the guy.
CASEY We go back.
DANA Nope.
CASEY He screwed up.
DANA Nope.
CASEY We're throwing down tonight.
DANA (dances again)You see what I'm doing now?
CASEY Your, uh, dance of joy.
DANA My dance of joy.
CASEY Okey-doke. (leaves and Dana keeps dancing)

Sound Room
JEREMY You ready?
DAN Yeah.
JEREMY This is teaser record for VTR playback, 11/17/99. In 3, 2...
DAN Tonight on Sports Night, we'll check out Herman Moore and the Lion's new-look offence, and Rob Blake and the Kings' old-school defence. We'll go back to the future at Florida State and touch down in Monte Carlo, as Yegevny Kafelnikov--
DAN What?
JEREMY You said "Yegevny."
DAN I did?
JEREMY It's Yevgeny.
DAN I know.
JEREMY You said Yegevny.
DAN Let's do it again.
JEREMY You inverted two syllables.
DAN Roll tape.
JEREMY In 3, 2...
DAN Tonight on Sports Night, we'll check out Herman Moore and the Lion's new-look offence, and Rob Blake and the Kings' old-school defence. We'll go back to the future at Florida State and touch down in Monte Carlo, as Yegevny Kafelnikov- I did it again.
DAN I said Yegevny instead of Yevgeny.
JEREMY We could change the tease.
DAN What do you mean?
JEREMY Make it about Pete Sampras.
DAN I can do this.
JEREMY Rafter's an easy name to pronounce.
DAN Roll tape.
CASEY (enters) Danny.
DAN I'm just in the middle of--
CASEY One second. (they step out into the Control Room) I'm in a spot of trouble.
DAN Me too.
CASEY McArnold committed a bit of a Big Apple faux pas and Dana won't let me cut it.
DAN I'm undergoing some kind of nervous collapse.
CASEY Alright, so we're probably on our own today.
DAN Yeah.
CASEY See you. (Casey leaves and Dan goes back into Sound Room)


Sound Room
JEREMY This is Sports Night teaser record for VTR playback, 11/17/99. Let's call it take 5.
DAN Let's call it take 5?
JEREMY Why not?
DAN What take is it really?
JEREMY We're up in the 30s now.
DAN Roll tape.
JEREMY In 3, 2...
DAN Tonight on Sports Night, we'll check out Herman Moore and the Lion's new-look offence, and Rob Blake and the Kings' old-school defence. We'll go back to the future at Florida State and touch down in Monte Carlo, as Yevegny Kafelnikov goes for the gold. Stay tuned for Sports Night, next.
DAN I did it!
DAN Did it, baby, yes!
JEREMY Let's roll tape now.
DAN What?
JEREMY Let's do it again, only this time, let's record it.
DAN We weren't recording it?
DAN I thought we were rolling.
JEREMY We weren't.
DAN I saw you hit the button.
JEREMY Grazed it with my fingers.
DAN Why weren't we recording it?
JEREMY Isaac doesn't like to waste tape.
DAN Jeremy!
JEREMY Come on, come on, dry run, dry run. Here we go.
DAN You're rolling?
DAN Really?
DAN Tonight on Sports Night, we'll check out Herman Moore and the Lion's new-look offence, and Rob Blake and the Kings' old-school defence. We'll go back to the future at Florida State and touch down in Monte Carlo, as-- I'm outta here.
JEREMY Where are you going?
DAN I've gotta go see someone.
JEREMY Bubba Smith and Chipper Jones would work fine in the teaser. Yevgeny Kafelnikov. I did it, no problem. I'm talking to myself for no particular reason.

Isaac's Office
CASEY Isaac?
CASEY How you doin'?
CASEY I've got a problem.
ISAAC Imagine my surprise.
CASEY Right. Shane McArnold, some years ago, he gave me an interview when I needed a break. Are you with me?
ISAAC Yeah, but so far, I'm not at all interested.
CASEY He was my Close Up interview this morning.
ISAAC How'd he do?
CASEY Very, very well. We got lots of footage, feet and feet of footage. There's just this little spot--
CASEY --where he says, I mean, it's possible to interpret his remarks as- He implies he doesn't like New York.
CASEY By saying he doesn't like New York.
ISAAC He's screwed.
CASEY How do you feel about my editing out that section?
ISAAC Well, I guess, since it's news and it's good television, I wouldn't feel very good about it. (Dana enters without Casey's knowledge) How do you think Dana would feel about it?
CASEY Well, who knows with Dana? One day she's up, another day she's down. That girl's nuttier than a squirrel's cheeks in October. The point is...she's standing right behind me, right?
DANA I cannot believe you.
DANA You went over my head?
CASEY I can explain this.
CASEY I went over your head.
DANA Casey!
CASEY Hey, I'm just trying to be courteous, ok? I didn't want to interrupt your dancing.
DANA And you just sat there?
ISAAC It's my desk.
DANA Outside.
CASEY Right.
ISAAC Good talking to you, Case.
CASEY Listen, does the fact that I--

Hallway/News Room
CASEY He's an old friend.
DANA Move it.
CASEY He gave me my first break. Ok, I can see you're upset because I went over your head.
DANA Well, you never know with me, do you, Casey? One day I'm up, one day I'm down.
CASEY Hey, listen, first of all, sorry about that. Second of all, he's a good guy. He gave me my start and I owe him one. This is personal. You can understand that.
DANA Let me tell you something: I think it's really sweet that you're that loyal to someone. It says a lot about you and it's almost hard to choke back the tears while I say no!
DANA Excuse me, everyone, I'd like to announce that Casey's adolescent and pathetic hero worship of professional athletes has reached the point where he's willing to compromise journalistic integrity.
CASEY Oh, please. Journalistic integrity? Like we're Edward R. Murrow.
DANA He just signed a $91 million contract, Casey. Something tells me he's gonna get over it.
CASEY Yeah, he makes a lot more money than we do, so let's look for every possible opportunity to blow him out of the water.
DANA Was he aware a camera was pointed at him?
DANA Was he aware that we were recording sound?
DANA Was he aware that we intended this for public broadcast?
DANA Tell me how I'm blowing him out of the water.
CASEY It's just not necessary.
DANA Neither is sports and please don't go to Isaac behind my back, that just makes me get--uh!--like this.
DANA Go get ready.

Abby's Office/Waiting Room
(Dan paces in the waiting room, then knocks on the door.)
ABBY Danny.
DAN I'm sorry to interrupt.
ABBY I'm in the middle of a session.
DAN I'm having a problem.
ABBY So is my patient, Danny, so I'll talk to you later.
DAN How you doin'?
DAN I'm Dan Rydell.
PATIENT From Sports Night.
DAN You watch the show?
PATIENT I love the show.
DAN You hear that?
ABBY Danny.
DAN Say, listen, I-- I'm sorry, but you weren't in the middle of a breakthrough or anything, were you?
PATIENT Why, you need a minute?
DAN You're the best. (Other patient gets up and goes into waiting room) I've having a problem.
ABBY That was so totally, unbelievably, off-the-charts out of line--
DAN Yeah, yeah, listen.
ABBY What?
DAN This is an emergency.
ABBY What's wrong?
DAN I can't say Yevgeny Kafelnikov.
ABBY What?
DAN He's a Russian tennis player. I'm recording the tease and I--, I can't pronounce his name. I invert two of the syllables. One of the times, I got it right, but Jeremy wasn't rolling the tape.
ABBY I'm calling the police.
DAN Abby, I'm serious.
ABBY You interrupted my session because you can't pronounce Yevgeny Kafelnikov?
DAN I need to know why.
ABBY How the hell should I know?
DAN Enough of this already. Just fix me, would you?
ABBY Fix you?
DAN Please?
ABBY Ok. Pfft! All done.
DAN Ok, I don't think you did anything just then.
ABBY Danny, of all the psychological problems you have, and they are a myriad, not being able to pronounce Yevgeny Kafelnikov isn't one of them.
DAN Then why can't I pronounce it?
ABBY 'Cause it's a hard name to pronounce.
DAN Abby, I'm--
ABBY This is very unfair to my patient.
DAN Look, something is going on with me and I know you can fix it and, frankly -- and I'm sorry if this is abrupt -- but I think the only reason you're stringing me around like this is that you're afraid if I get over this, I won't have a reason to see you.
ABBY Danny. You're in pain and it doesn't take a genius to see that.
DAN I'm perfectly fine, I just--
ABBY True or false: the only time you're really comfortable with people is when you're talking to them on television.
DAN That is untrue.
ABBY True or false: you're convinced you're responsible for the death of your brother.
DAN Look, I don't need you--
ABBY True or false: you're convinced your parents blame you as well.
DAN This is starting to get a little personal, Abby!
ABBY Fine, go back to work. (Starts for the door)
DAN (sits on couch, putting head in his hands) Why is this happening now?
ABBY I don't know.
DAN You do know.
ABBY I honestly don't. You saw a picture, you missed a birthday, you heard a song, who knows? Maybe it's just enough is enough and it's time for your mind to deal with it. Whatever the reason, it's here. Now, does this really sound like something I could just fix with a prescription?
DAN So what do I do?
ABBY You get therapy, for real.
DAN With you?
ABBY Yeah, if you like.
DAN Really?
ABBY Yeah.
DAN I just call up and make an appointment?
ABBY That's right.
DAN The thing is--
ABBY Yeah?
DAN--There, uh, may be a problem there.
ABBY You have a crush on me.
DAN Yeah.
ABBY That's natural.
DAN I guess 'cause you're the healer and you're also playing the role of the confessor as well.
ABBY I meant 'cause I'm a babe.
DAN That too.
ABBY Danny.
DAN Yeah?
ABBY You're gonna be fine.
DAN It doesn't feel that way.
ABBY I know. Have a good show.
DAN Thanks. (exits Abby's Office as the patient comes back into the room) Thanks a lot, I appreciate it.
PATIENT I love watching you on television.
DAN Thanks.

NATALIE You see this spoon?
NATALIE I'm stealing it.
JEREMY Ok, why?
NATALIE No, no, Jeremy, I think the better question is "why not?"
NATALIE Will I be punished for it?
JEREMY I doubt it.
JEREMY When did people start eating a lot of hummus?
NATALIE Let's say I was punished for it. Let's say I was taken down to the station house for stealing this spoon, and as a result of that I lost my job.
NATALIE I wouldn't have any money.
JEREMY You'd get another job.
NATALIE With my rap sheet? I don't think so.
JEREMY You stole a spoon.
NATALIE Today it's a spoon, tomorrow it's a bank.
JEREMY You're gonna steal a bank?
NATALIE I'm gonna rob a bank! (people nearby stop and look over)
JEREMY She's actually not gonna rob a bank, this is just sort of a hypothetical flight of fancy. Resume your late-night socializing.
JEREMY Natalie, fear of punishment has never been what's kept you from committing a crime. The reason you haven't robbed a bank is that you know it's wrong. The reason you're not gonna steal that spoon is because you know it's wrong. So hell isn't a Hieronymus Bosch painting, what do you care? You weren't going there anyway.

(Shane enters the bar with some of his friends and walks up to Casey.)
CASEY Shane.
SHANE You suck, man, you know that?
CASEY Listen--
SHANE I mean, is that fun for you, messing with me like that? You having a good time?
CASEY Hey, man, I didn't mess with you.
SHANE You said that you'd fix it.
CASEY I know. I should never have made that promise. Truth is, I don't have that kind of authority on the show, and I pretended like I did. Let me buy you a beer.
SHANE Buy me a beer? This guy wants to buy me a beer. I should kick your ass.
DANA Kick his ass, Casey.
CASEY Excuse me. You're not making this any easier.
DANA Oh, like that's what I was trying to do.
CASEY Shane.
SHANE You just stay out of my face, and you stay out of my locker room. We're outta here.
CASEY Shane, you're gonna wear Yankee pinstripes. You're gonna roam the same piece of ground as Gehrig and DiMaggio and Mantle. Your salary's gonna be paid by people who work hard and like baseball. If you can't get excited about that, I think the very least you can do is to fake it.
(Shane exits. Danny enters)

DAN Hey.
CASEY Danny!
DAN What's goin' on?
CASEY Just takin' care of business. Where you been?
DAN I was at the office.
DAN I, uh, I don't know.
CASEY You want to find someplace and talk about it?
DAN Hey, do you think it would be ok if I, um, just sat down and...and just sat down for a while?
CASEY Of course it's ok, what's goin' on?
DAN I mean, there may be periods of time in the conversation when I don't say anything funny. There may be long periods when I don't say anything--
CASEY Danny.
DAN I'm fine.
CASEY I know. And I'm right here.
DAN I know.
CASEY Ok? Come one, let's eat.
Dan and Casey join the rest of a gang at a table.


original transcript from the_49th_floor

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Tags: abby, dance of joy, season 2, shane, yevgeny kafelnikov
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