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CASEY: A 6' 7", 325-pound tackle out of Oregon State, Anthony Papajohn goes to Tampa Bay with the 22nd pick in the first round. Dan, I'm told at the Scouting Combine last winter that Papajohn ran the 40-yard dash in 4.4 seconds. That's pretty fast for somebody his size.
DAN: That's pretty fast for someone anyone's size, though I suppose any play designed for an offensive lineman to run 40 yards is probably ill-conceived. Let's get back to the Garden where Kelly Kirkpatrick is standing by live. Kelly?

Isaac's Office
JEREMY: Fire me.
ISAAC: What?
JEREMY: Fire me. Do it now.
JEREMY: I'm a bad worker.
ISAAC: No, you're not.
JEREMY: I come late, I leave early.
ISAAC: You come early and you stay late. You come in on your days off.
JEREMY: And isn't that a little weird?
ISAAC: Oh, yeah.
JEREMY: Well, then, enough's enough, Isaac. Fire me.
ISAAC: I'm not firing you.
JEREMY: I say things behind your back.
ISAAC: No, you don't.
JEREMY: It's behind your back, Isaac. There's no way you'd know.
ISAAC: It'd get back to me.
JEREMY: No, these things are too terrible and I can't live with the guilt. I'll save you the trouble of firing me and simply offer my resignation.
ISAAC: I won't accept it.
JEREMY: You have to accept it.
ISAAC: You have a contract.
JEREMY: Then fire me.
JEREMY: I'm a racist.
ISAAC: Really?
JEREMY: Yeah, I'm a terrible racist, but I've been in the closet all these years, and I've decided I need to live an honest life. And I think all those people with the different skin colors and the funny accents should go back where they came from and leave America to the white people who killed the Indians in the first place -- which they deserved.
ISAAC: Jeremy--
JEREMY: The whole country's being taken over by the blacks and the Jews.
ISAAC: You're Jewish.
JEREMY: Well, I've got to be stopped, Isaac.
ISAAC: Jeremy, what is the matter with you?
JEREMY: I'm totally screwed!
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original transcript from the_49th_floor

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Dan and Casey sit at the bar. Dana and Natalie sit a table apart from them.
DANA: Is it noticeable?
NATALIE: The bandage?
DANA: Yes.
DANA: Except you just noticed it.
NATALIE: I didn't notice it.
DANA: I asked you, "Did you notice it?" and you said, "What, the bandage?"
NATALIE: I guessed at it.
DANA: Really?
NATALIE: You used powers of suggestion.
DANA: Really?
NATALIE: You have a bandage the size of a sleeping bag on your face, Dana, of course it's noticeable.
DANA: Yes.
NATALIE: But you look fine.
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Season 2: Episode 16: The Local Weather

Abby's Office
ABBY: Hello, Dan.
DAN: Hey.
ABBY: How are you?
DAN: Good.
ABBY: Do you want to close the door?
DAN: Actually, I don't think we need to have a session today.
DAN: Seriously.
ABBY: Yes.
DAN: I'm not saying we're done completely, I just don't think we need to have a session this week.
DAN: All right then. I'm just gonna go.
DAN: And I'll see you next week.
ABBY: Sounds good.
DAN: Seriously.
ABBY: What time you got there?
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original transcript from the_49th_floor

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Season 2: Episode 15: Celebrities

News Room/Various Hallways
DAN: (patting stomach) This is Yehudi Menuhin.
CASEY: What?
DAN: When I pat my stomach like this, this is Yehudi Menuhin.
CASEY: Right. And what is that?
DAN: It's a signal.
CASEY: We need a signal for Yehudi Menuhin?
DAN: You're gonna be amazed at how many times it's gonna come up.
CASEY: Yeah, I think I will be.
DAN: I chose you for my team, Casey.
DAN: I picked you. I picked you first.
CASEY: Yeah, I appreciate that.
DAN: Teamwork.
DAN: And a brotherly thing.
CASEY: Hey, I won't let you down.
DAN: What's the signal?
CASEY: Patting your stomach.
DAN: What's the signal for?
CASEY: Hmm. Uh...
DAN: Yehudi Menuhin.
CASEY: Well, look, maybe if you made a little playbook or something like that--
DAN: I did make a playbook, ok, pal? I did.
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original transcript from the_49th_floor

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Studio/Control Room:
DAN: Adding to Milwaukee's woes, Tayshaun Reed was just 2 for 16 and 0 for 6 at the line. Commenting on his sub-par performance after the game, Reed said, "my head just wasn't in the game." Anyone knowing the location of Reed's head should contact the proper authorities.
Dana laughs.
DAVE: Stand 40 and 40A.
WILL: 40A standing.
CHRIS: Stand by.
DANA: "Contact the proper authorities."
DANA: Didn't you think that was funny?
NATALIE: I did think it was funny.
DANA: You didn't laugh.
NATALIE: What do you want from me? (into mic) Judy, we're 40 seconds fat, so keep it close, ok?
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original transcript from the_49th_floor

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